A place to vent

[Jill Marie]

Hi Margaret,  I will make sure and tell our son that you are praying for him, that you appreciate what he and all the others are doing and most importantly that as a teacher you share with your students what it means to have so many serving our country through out the years. 

Do you live in Vancouver?  We live in Spokane and I grew up in Goldendale, Wa.

Our son was in the second grade when the first Gulf War started, when he was in Iraq in 2005 his 2nd grade teacher (now a 4th grade teacher) had her students write to him.  I'm glad your nephew made it home and I'm thankful for people like you that understand what we go through.  My Dad was also in WWII and we have attended 5  WWII Reunions since 2001. 

When our son was home he went to the Bookstore to get something to read on the long flight home, he left without getting what he wanted!  He stopped by the current affairs dept. and found magazine after magazine and books about how we shouldn't be in Iraq and what is going wrong in Iraq.  It was more than he wanted to deal with considering what his fellow comrades have been through and what he and others will be dealing with soon.  So, I know it will really help his spirit to know that you took the time to let his Mom know you are thinking about him and all the other soldiers watching over us.  Thanks, Jill

[marg]

Jill,  You are so welcome.... 
    In my opinion, whatever people's feelings are about 'wheather or not  we should be in Iraq '  ...   we SHOULD always support and appreciate our men and women who are over there  (or anywhere else they are sent) for being in service for our country.   Their conditions are often very hard and they don't need to have the added pressure of feeling that they are not supported.  They don't make the policy.... they just enforce it   ( much smaller example.... I had no imput on the 'No Child Left Behind' and WASL ... but I must follow those policy in my teaching.... wheather I agree 100% or not because it is my job to teach using the standards I am given).
     
Margaret

Oh, by the way... I live in a smaller town in Southwest Washington called Longview (about 45 miles north of Vancouver). 

[antoinette]

You are right Gary... I should vent some too as I have been so discrete about my AN than the children (mine are almost older than me, daughter 57, sons 42 and 43) they may think it is a bit of wax in one ear. Hell they catch me often in "timber" style but it must be my excitement about seeing them. Rare events now. Reading a joke from someone," I do not mind being schizophrenic, it beats being alone"  I will soon pray to exchange the AN for that one. My children and friends never heard much about it and they may look at me with suspicion that I invented the little bugger. No one has heard of it before, they feel safe. They may wonder if "I" am safe to be with.
Now that is venting!!!!  Is the list manager going to delete part of it?
Gary, I hope you are OK. I have not forgotten anyone from ANAWAY but perhaps one or 2. Not you, Not Jeff, not Gail, not... well I will stop here.
ant

[Soundy]

Being an army brat that watched young men be shipped off to vietnam I pray for
them all... I have 5 former Cub Scouts overseas...

We do a gift of caring program when we sell Girl Scout Cookies ...the  last two years we have
ordered asked people to buy extra cookies to send and each girl orders what she can afford...
doesn't seem like much, but my Girl Scouts are third graders and aside from the cookies ,
notes they send with them and prayers , there isn't much they can to show they care ...
this past spring my 6 Girls sent 5 cases (60 boxes) of cookies to troops in Iraq... we get feed back
from the guys that get them and they are greatful that a bunch of silly little girls would
take time to get the cookies together , write notes to go with them and package them to
ship... we also bought cookies to give to the children of my Cubs that are serving

Prayers that your son stays safe...

[GM]

Ant

I'm doing fine!!  Glad to see you here.

Gary

[mindyandy]

I have a problem with people who do not have AN understanding what I'm going thru. I dont know if my husband quite understands what all the STRANGE symptoms are. I dont really even know until they happen to me & I have to go to this website to find out if things that are happening to me are normal. Liket the whole fatigue issue.....THATS VERY ANNOYING. I dont like being fatigued and going to bed at 8-9pm. I do understand that the brain is working overtime to compensate with the balance issues....etc. VERY FRUSTRATING!

[marg]

I know what you mean Mindyandy... I just went back to full time teaching 2 weeks ago and I am so exhausted that I can hardly walk out to my car at the end of the day.   Today I came home and laid down for a nap and I was out like a light.   I am on such 'brain overload' with the balance issues (my right leg hurts because I walk differently now to compensate ... & I have to go get massage theropy every 2 weeks or so to help), the SSD ...  very difficult to hear my students especially my very soft spoken girls ( 7 year olds)  and my facial paraylisis ... getting better but after teaching for a couple of hours my face feels frozen on the AN side and my words don't come out as clearly  ( I have no idea how I am going to cope when I do parent teacher conferences in 2 weeks and do 5 or more conferences back to back).   You are right.... as much as I try to explain to the other school staff members.. they don't get it .  They say 'you look so good ... so much better than when school started' - but they can't see the physical issues I deal with on the inside ..all the time  nor do they understand how exhausting it is. 
     I am so glad to get home at the end of the day ..... but then I look at all the paperwork I need to do here and can hardly stand it ( I'm too brain tired to do it).. I'll try again this weekend ..............I still have all the surgery and disability papers sitting in my dining room.... need to get them in folders   and put away...but I'll be  working on grades and reportcards for the 3rd weekend in a row  so... who knows.    It is much harder going back to teaching than I thought it would be....... but I didn't expect to go back SSD..... I was told I had an85 % chance of keeping my hearing.   .. I just hope I can hold out for 5 more years so I can get my full retirement.   
     Guess i'm just over tired..... I'm glad we have a place to vent where others  really understand.
Margaret

[Lorenzo]

I know how it feels. I'm lucky though,, I teach studio practice to design students, 18-24 year olds. But the noise levels when they all talk to each other is just too much. The first 8 months post CK were the worst ever. I ahd to ask to be relieved of some duties, avoided all meetings and activities that were NOT related to direct teaching. I was always so exhausted at the midday mark, I usually  had to go and nap in the car to recover, before the next assault! As for the colleagues, don't mention them. They have absolutely and completely and most definitely NO clue! At all. 'Sure you look great!' is the classic one, which shows exactly how little they do understand, no matter how much explaining I did. Gave up in the end, and avoided them as much as possible.

Now, three eyars down the road, I have an office where I can see students on a smaller group basis, not 40. Meetings are fine again, and brain overload has greatly lessened. Fortunately. I am still a long way away from retirement! Unless of course I take early retirement, which I might yet do... lol

So margaret, I sympathise and I know where you are ina  small way. Mind yourself.

Ciao, Lorenzo

[Soundy]

My husband is good as far as taking up slack around the house with things me and the
kids have not got done , he is great with them helping with homework and taking them
to things I used to do ect... but still doesn't get things...

my heater on my truck has decided not to work... we were going to take it to garage last
night and drop it off ... he was going to follow  and bring me home ... I told him
not to bring his truck because it gives me a head ache... it is a jacked up 4 wheel drive Nissan..
 he got to use around the farm... him and the kids think it is great... and it is if you have to go
back thru the hollow in mud, snow , rain ect... but it rides rough and on our twisty turny back
roads a few miles in it brings on a killer head ache and make me nauseated...

when they got to garage they were in it and I refused to ride home in it ...told him to go home and
come back with Blazer or I would drive home and take truck in this morning and get the
guy to give me a lift home ... it is only about 8 miles but seems like 50 in a covered wagon...

He was a bit pissed but went home and returned in the Blazer... an extra trip that could have been
avoided if he had done as I asked... he grumbled but not much

I have tried to get him to see I have no choice in these things and little control... but something
I know is going to make me ill in some way and I can avoid I will... he had a choice to do what
would be best for me or drive his toy ... and I had a choice to ride in it and hurt or be bull headed
and make him make things right or I would  by driving self home and making arrangements this
morning to get the truck in and myself back home

It feels good to let off steam 

[Lorenzo]

i think this AN experience makes us all a lot more assertive, it did change me in that way! 

[Gennysmom]

Marg, be careful, feeling overwhelmed can be such a trap.  I fall into it, and it's hell getting out.  That's what's been really hard, re-setting all the stuff I "know" I can do, because there's a big difference now on what I think I can do and what I really can do....I don't forget about the AN, just forget about the limits sometimes.  And when it's time to go down, don't fight it....when I press through and get extra stuff done, I just fall harder. 

I was thinking about this the other day....how it is so nice to know that there's lots of us here who do get it, and that is a blessing.  It really is a mountain, not a molehill to adjust to the "new you" 24/7 and not go a little batty.  If I didn't have the others here assuring me I was still on the right path, I don't know where the heck I'd be!  Most days are good, but some days you want to scream "get the hell out of my head whatever is making it so weird"!!! 

[debora]

I am going through a very hard time right now.  My dad is in hospice in Mpls and I can't drive the distance to go visit as often as I would like (every weekend).  I have to ask someone to drive me because I get vertigo attacks out of the blue and lately way to often!!!!!  I don't dare drive on the interstate because I am afraid I wouldn't be able to pull over fast enough.  This is breaking my heart.  I am still angry that the Doctors told me radiation has no side effects.  Live and learn.
Thanks for listening.
Deb

[marg]

Thanks Lorenzo and Gennysmom,
       I know I need to pace myself..... but I used to (past tense of course ) be able to just dig deeper for the energy needed to finish something... and that doesn't work too well anymore.  I am learning though.  I have no control on the time frame on getting the 7 pages of report card / conference  pages done  but I do have control on how many conference times I offer.... so I am no longer doing 7 in a row (thats 1/2 hour each conferences) , nor am I staying late or doing 9 to 10 a day.  I was at school way too long today and I am only going to hand out candy tonight for an hour (instead of 3 ) then the porch light is off and I'm done.

     Deb,  I hope you are letting your friends / family know that you need a ride to see your dad while you can.  If it's too far could you take a bus or train and stay over night?  What a tough time to not be able to drive.... I'll be praying for you and your dad.
Margaret
     

[Soundy]

i think this AN experience makes us all a lot more assertive, it did change me in that way! 

I am more likely to say no and grumble at people than I used to ...used to just take stuff in stride
and go with the flow ... but now I am more vocal and actually it isn't all that bad... especially the
learning to say no part... just wish I learned it sooner when I could enjot the benefits of saying it   

[ppearl214]

Topic of this rant…. Common courtesy.  I’m pissed… truly pissed… so put on your seatbelts and hold on.

Ya know…. I volunteer a great deal of my time to worthy causes.  I’ve recently been selected by my town (Board of Selectman) for a 2-yr appointment (volunteer post) to sit on the local Commission of Disability Issues.  I volunteer my time on this discussion forum.  I reach out and send emails and make phone calls to check up on others that I am aware that have their own issues going on.  I alert folks to things going on.  I try my best to be a good person.  I “doâ€? because I want to and I was raised to help look out for others…..

Now, I’m not looking for praise…. I seek common courtesy.  Last night, trick or treaters came to my door and after candy was passed out, at least they had the common courtesy to say “thank youâ€?. I’m thrilled parents instill this common courtesy in their children that they actually said it.  As some of you may know, my health has gone downhill lately and I make calls to the dr to ask for help…. Does the nurse or the dr even bother with a call back?  No…. common courtesy would even have the nurse call back to say “the dr is aware of your phonecall and situation and will call you later today to discuss directly with youâ€?.   Nope… nada… not happening.   I had a co-worker in my office recently resign.  Did she bother to work with me prior to her departure to cover issues that would fall on my desk?  Heck no... thus, leaving me and our customers in a state of confusion and flux.   Professionalism and common courtesy would have prevailed if she had taken the time to finalize issues... but... again... nada, nothing, zilch.

There are many of you here on this site… that if I am made aware  of something and alert folks or do an email or phone call to reach out… .not even the common courtesy of a thank you.  There are those recently that I have made phone calls and have shown common courtesy of saying “thank you Phyl for calling to check up on meâ€?.  Now, THAT, to me means more. 

If I have the common courtesy to alert or do or provide or such….. at least a “thank you�… nothing more… just an acknowledgement of common courtesy of a simple “thank you� is all I seek…. It’s let’s me know that my alertness or communications or such has been received and I don’t have to worry if my email or phone message was not received.

I’ve been black-balled lately… and you know who you are.  Well, just remember….. I maintain my vigilance in trying to reach out to all…. To be there for those that need a shoulder or good ear.  I reach out to my town to let them know that someone cares.  I reach out to my neighbors in time of need.  I do all I can, physically and emotionally, to be there for others.

Why the heck can’t folks say “thank you� or “Phyl, I acknowledge�?

Why can’t folks have common courtesy?

My co-worker, who also has extreme health issues, recently shared with me her mantra:

Loving heart.... clear mind.... healthy body... peaceful soul.... blessings one and all

I believe so much in her mantra... and other than my previous-healthy body now retaliating... I truly believe in a loving heart.. a clear mind.... a peaceful soul.... thus, my rant to help achieve... to shed this negative out of my system as it truly does affect my health.

Pissed…. Really pissed…. And this stress of folks being rude is not helping my situation.  I care… why can’t others?

And no, this is not due to over-indulgence of Halloween candy.

Back to your regularly scheduled posts.

Phyl