Hi, Little Sister:
I just discovered your post and wish I had seen it sooner. I regret that I can't offer a quick and easy solution to your situation but I both sympathize and, more importantly, empathize, as do many others here, I'm sure. I had a relatively easy recovery from surgery and radiation but during my recuperation my wife found me difficult at times, beyond my exhibiting my usual foibles. Of course, she didn't share this with me until some time later. She said I was grumpy and 'touchy'. I honestly don't recall feeling that way but I accept her characterization of my immediate post-operative temperament. I also regret it - and I've told her so.
It is clear that your husband has suffered a major life challenge. First, the tumor and all the anxity that, alone, generates. Then the surgery and now, the recovery and return to normalcy that seems to proceed at a glacial pace. Who wouldn't be unhappy and feeling impotent and frustrated? I would.
What's a loving spouse to do? Well, my wife did the best she could; that is, she remained positive and endured a few outbursts from me that were probably uncalled for and which I regretted and apologized for, explaining that I was frustrated, not at
her, really, but at my 'situation'. She understood and continued to love and give me the emotional support I needed. It all helped. 19 months post-surgery, I'm fine. Those days are receding into a distant memory for both of us as our lives go on.
Now, I fully realize that (a) I had a fairly easy recovery - few post-op complications to deal with, and, (b) every couple will have a different dynamic. However, I believe that openness and honesty are crucial in any relationship and that this becomes imperative when 'the chips are down' and one partner is affected by a negative situation they cannot fully control while the other partner has to deal with both their own anxiety and the sometimes irrational attitude of the person with the actual physical problem. The wives of military men wounded in combat are often confronted with a husband that doesn't seem quite the same, anymore. Combat does that, as does losing a limb or being noticeably weakened for a long period of time, which is, in effect, what happens to a person suffering post-op complications after having an acoustic neuroma tumor removed. From your post, it sounds as if you and your husband are in this situation.
Outside counseling may be necessary before irreparable damage is done to your relationship. If you are religious, your church is an obvious resource. If that isn't feasible for you, there are many private counseling organizations in every area and some state-subsidized groups and agencies are usually available if finances are an issue. Of course, venting on this forum to folks who can relate in a very real way to your situation is another (free) option that I hope you'll also consider utilizing as often as you think necessary.
I'm sorry to learn of your difficulties as well as those of your recovering husband and I trust that as he continues to get better, so will your relationship. To that end, you'll have the prayers of many from this group, of that I can assure you. I'll be one of them.
Jim 
