Hi, everyone. Thank you SO MUCH for the kind words. I really do appreciate it. I also want to thank you for the information and support you've given me over the last little while. In hindsight, part of me thinks "why did you get yourself so worried about this?", but on the other hand, when the doctor says you may have a brain tumor, what do you expect?
I have learned a lot about my brain, hearing, etc. More than I thought I would be learning. It's been a very educational experience for me!
I think most of all, I have a great deal of respect for everyone here. I know only a very small portion of the AN journey - the fear that you may have it. None of you were afforded the opportunity to hear that your MRIs were normal. I can remember a cartoon saying "I know that life isn't fair, but why isn't it unfair in my advantage?" I guess in this instance life isn't fair but to my advantage. Each of you have been through so much, and had so much to deal with. I'm very proud of everything that each of you have accomplished. I never gave a thought to waking up in the morning and becoming exstatic that I could put my pants on, or that I could smile in the mirror. I never thought about having to tape my eye shut at night, or not being able to blink it, and having to constantly put eye drops and lotion to keep it moist. I never considered having my mouth become partially paralyzed, so that I had to drink from a straw. And not knowing when or if it would go back to 'normal'. There's so much that I take for granted each day, that you only wish for. I didn't really give it much thought when I I thought that I might be going through that as well. You, my friends, are a true source of inspiration and of hope. I stand in awe of each of your accomplishments and your troubles and the daily struggle to return to what I take for granted. While I've had a difficult summer with my wife's BC, I think that only gives me a real appreciation for the real difficulties that each of you face. Don't give up hope! You're a true inspiration to others - those who are newly diagnosed with AN, and the rest of us who whine & complain about the little things that don't matter at all. Those of use who have nothing to complain about, and don't know what hardship & adversity is!
I hope to hang around here. I don't want to say 'goodbye'. I'm not sure what I can offer to you, or to the new people who continue to stream into the forum carrying their baggage of worries and MRIs. But I like everyone here. You're a great group of people!
And while I'm talking about it, I can tell you my story from today.
I went in to the doctor's office this morning right at opening time. The nurse says "I got your MRI back and it's normal". I told her that the MRI lab had called me on Friday and said they must have faxed the report to her this morning. She says she got the report Friday in the mail. (That means it must have been mailed on Wednesday?) Boy, that could have saved me a week of worrying, had she called me on Friday.
My biggest fear was that they missed it. She said that she knew I wouldn't believe her, and handed me the report. Note that the doctor didn't get any copies of the MRI, just a 1-page typed report. On it the radiologist says that he was able to look at the inner and outer ear, the cerebellopontine (sp?) angle and found nothing problematic. He also says that he could visualize the 7th and 8th cranial nerves and that there were no growths on them. I guess that makes it pretty clear. If he saw the actual nerves, then there musn't be AN. I feel much better about that. I guess that I'm done with this now. Your thoughts?
I've also had a ton of emails and postings wishing me well (thank you), and expressing regrets that my problem hasn't been solved. With any medical condition, though, what is the biggest fear? A tumor, either malignant or benign. I know that it isn't the case, so whatever is wrong has to be much better than that! Sure, my rt hearing is fading quickly, with the tinnitus raising up to the former levels of hearing. I'll have to persue that. Perhaps my headaches are caused by my blurry rt eye? Maybe I just need glasses? Maybe there's an infection in there that is affecting everything? But, I've ruled out the worst possibility.
