Personality Changes After Surgery

[Jim Scott]

Tony:

Good observation.  Thank you for your insight into this complicated issue. 

I guess this is why my neurosurgeon is always grinning and vigoriously shakes my hand when my semi-annual MRI/checkup is over.  I recovered quickly and well from a large AN, surgery and radiation - with very few complications.  However, I still have a few 'reminders' of the experience, which I can bare with equanimity, knowing the struggles other AN patients go through and the physical and emotional burdens many have to carry - sometimes for years.  This knowledge (of 'what might have been') also aids in improving my disposition somewhat.   

Jim

[KellyD]

Sherry and everyone:

We are now three weeks post an removal. the difference from week two to week three has been tremendous. I am seeing lots of my old husband, although there are still shades of someone I do not know. The flat affect has dissipated somewhat. He is starting to joke and smile and even show some emotion towards our kids and me. What is still off-he is still child-like in wanting me around always; he can be aggressive; and he does not like if I question him!!!

So, things are getting better although I know we have a long way to go.

Sherry- I am also willing to talk as I have some very conflicting feelings about what I am dealing with and how to handle different situations. Do I yell and scold like a little kid or do I grin and bear it? Don't know- but I have to tell you that I have done both and neither is fun.

Jim- I also know from reading this forum that things could be a lot worse and to be thankful and appreciative for what we have right now.

 

[lori67]

Hi Kelly.

I'm glad some of your "old" husband is starting to come through.  He's in there - you just have to be patient.  This surgery affects the whole family and i will be the first to admit - i was not the most pleasant person to be around for a while after mine.  There are a lot of things that he needs to adjust to and he may be scared that he won't adjust or be the person he used to be.

As far as the child-like behavior - no offense to the guys here - but, remember - he's a man.  They do tend to turn into children when sick or hurt - I know they're not ALL like that, but as a nurse, i can say I have seen my share!  My husband is one of them.  He had the flu last week (because he didn't get his flu shot that I've been bugging him to get since September...) and I told him he whined and carried on more about the flu than I did after brain surgery!

I can say that I think I've turned out a better person because of my surgery.  Not as many OCD-like tendencies, more patient and tolerant.  It just makes you realize what's important in life and it took me having surgery to realize it wasn't the dust on the coffee table that matters.  So, who knows, maybe you'll end up with a new and improved version of your husband!

So, my advice would be to grin and bear it, as hard as that may be.  Take some time for yourself away from the situation if you can, otherwise you are probably more likely to yell at him.  You'll make a better caretaker if you take of yourself too.   If things don't start looking up, I'd mention it to his doctor and maybe he can give him a mild antidepressant to get him through this.  I know that's what I wound up doing and it really helped to keep me from snapping at everyone and from making mountains out of molehills.

Hang in there and hopefully someday you'll both be able to look back on this and laugh - or at least use it as leverage to get some nice gifts.  It's the least you deserve after putting up with him, right? 

Lori

[OMG16]

Lori has very good advice as I to think you should grin and bear it.  You can not take back something you say once you say it.  You do need to get away even if just for a short time to recharge your batteries.  Just try to remember that he is most likely feeling afraid for whatever reason and that is why he wants you around always.  When he becomes aggressive just gently get him focused on something else and at a later time talk to him in an honest no condescending way and let him know how that makes you feel.  This will get better with time and a lot of patience on your part.  Try not to scold him or yell as that will only make things worse.  If you need to talk to someone who has been through it please do PM me and we can exchange phone numbers.  I do know exactly what you are feeling and we had a great neuro-psychologist to help direct us.  Kisses to your forehead.  16

[danijake]

I am 7 1/2 months post-op and I am more grumpy than I was before. I think it's because of the headaches I'm not supposed to have and the nerve shooting up my neck. I had to quit my job and take a nanny position for my sister. Less stress, but not helping with my symptoms. The tinnitus is horrible, but comes and goes. I have the same heartbeat in my head mostly in the AM. But dealing with it. I take Neurontin and lots of ibuprofen. It seems like it's getting better, but I may be getting used to my "NEW NORMAL". To get to the point, I was pretty lethargic and depressed for a few months before I got back to half of my old self! Keep your head up and give lots of love and support.

[ceeceek]

Kelly,
Glad to hear of the progress!,
I am almost...1 yr post op, transphenoidal endoscopic approach..a less invasive form of brain surgery.....however, that being said, I physically recovered in a few weeks...but there are times when my brain is still fogged, and I do not feel like my normal self....it aggrivates me that my husband is sort of like...well, yeah you had brain surgery but it was endoscopic,,and you are fine..can't use that as an excuse.....
but let me tell ya.....it takes a while..for the most part I am extremely lucky, and feel overall that I have had very minimal  effects in general,,but I was actually so pleased with myself that just the other day, I actually remembered a phone number, without referring to it at least ten times!
My husband used to call me the human rolodex, so this should give you a clue to the length of time that fulllll recovery can take.
for the most part, no one would know that certain aspects of my personality have changed....likes dislikes etc. but some things have indeed changed. Not better , not worse,,just different so do not be suprised if he always like say icecream, and now he doesn't.
Really overall, it beats the alternative and now I get to experience things I had no interest in before....
As far as fatigue etc....it will pass and he sounds as if he is doing great!
Hang tough and he will be fine! look forward to new interest etc!
Ceeceek