Very Depressed...

[vicki1967]

I was somewhat hard of hearing for the last six, or so, years. I often found myself asking others to repeat themselves, and I always found it hard to hear someone whispering. In August of '06, the hearing in my left ear suddenly sounded different, as I answered the telephone. I went to the doctor, who ordered an MRI. I was diagnosed with an Acoustic Neuroma.

Since my diagnosis, I've been suffering from severe depression - the tumor is the least of the causes, though, yet it is the reason I am constantly made fun of - at work. I work for a large corporation in Cleveland, Ohio. Since my diagnosis, our Office Administrator has called me 'deaf', 'dumb', 'retarded', and more, on numerous occasions. On a few occasions, she has stood right next to me, pretending like she is 'talking', yet no words come out of her mouth - on the first occasion, I asked 'what are you doing'? She said 'Ha!Ha! You so deaf, you couldn't even HEAR me!!' She does this to entertain the other workers. The department manager will use sarcastic 'sign language' when she speaks to me (although I don't have a problem hearing when someone speaks directly to me) - if she were to say 'Kim will be calling the client', she would (all the while) roll her two pointing fingers in the air (around in circles) - directly to the individual (Kim) sitting next to me, then pretend as if she is picking up an invisible telephone, dialing numbers on it, and placing it (the invisible phone) up to her ear. This is so embarrassing to me. On other occasions, during corporate meetings, for no reason at all - she would suddenly ask someone (for no reason),'is Vicki wearing her hearing aid today'? After diagnosis, I became the office joke. At work, I am treated as if I should feel guilty for even living.

After dealing with this treatment on a daily basis, I notified my corporate Human Resource Department. I asked to be transferred to another department because I could not deal with this treatment. The HR Director advised me 'that is not our policy', and recommended I seek a job somewhere else. Since I would consider AN surgery within the next year, I don't believe I want to seek another job due to the fact I would lose my short term disability benefits (to cover the weeks following surgery) since I had been with this company for several years. When the two individuals (that I complained about) found out about my HR complaint, they took me aside, in private, and 'scolded' me. After that 'meeting', I've become isolated. I am now completely ignored by the Office Administrator, and my manager now treats me worse (she reprimanded me in front of other workers for my 'sending a coworker a work-related issue - with no sense of urgency - to her (company) email on her day off).

I am recently divorced, and raising my two year old son on my own. I always try to stay positive, but it's so hard when I'm treated like a dog everyday. Nearly everyone in my department received large salary increases, and/or job advancements - yet nothing was ever offered to me. I am a responsible, hard worker. I treat others respectively. I don't even have much time to consider my options for surgery, or to even find a brain-tumor specialist. I would like to know if anyone else out there has ever experienced this type of treatment after diagnosis. Any help would truly be appreciated.

 

[Kaybo]

Vicki~
I am so sorry about this situation -- as I read this, I sat here with my mouth agape -- I just can not believe it!!  This is a HORRIBLE situation!!  How is your support group outside of work or w/ family?  I would say to get out of there as fast as you can (no one should have to deal w/that) BUT I understand your need to stay for insurance.  I have had to work to continue coverage before -- mine situation was a bit different in that I wanted to stay home w/my child, but I had all the insurance and it was after my surgery, but before pre-existing conditions so NO ONE would cover me!!  I would say to focus on the good in your life -- your child, the hours outside work. etc -- and endure the other.  If you don't have a strong group, I would seek out SUPPORTIVE friends (I don't know where you are located) -- a support group or church group -- there are MUCH MORE compassionate and caring people out there.  All I can say about your co-workers is what my sweet mother always told me' "Kill them w/ kindness --thier behavior will come back to bite them, but you won't be guilty of anything but being nice to all!"  I know that is not always easy!
Others on this site can give you much better advice about how to deal with this situation at work...all I can offer is AWAY from there.  If you would like to PM me or even talk (if in US - I have unlimited long distance) send me a message & I can get in touch!
Keep your chin up...you are better than this & deserve MUCH better!
K

[Jim Scott]

Hi, Vicki:

You have my sympathy, for whatever good it may do.   I'm so sorry you have to deal with a bunch of insensitive fools on your job as well as being diagnosed with an acoustic neuroma.  I'm retired and was when my AN was discovered so I can't really respond to your question as to whether I was harassed on the job due to my AN.  Had that happened, I probably would have consulted an attorney and instituted a lawsuit against my employer for workplace harassment.  Frankly, the behavior of both your co-workers and your mutual employer is simply unconscionable. 

I understand your dilemma.  Your co-workers - who sound like a collection of juvenile, mean-spirited morons - make your working environment very unpleasant.  Because you (rightfully) complained, you are now isolated and passed over for raises and/or advancement.  Your complaint and request for a transfer were dismissed by the company HR department, showing a total lack of concern on the part of the company that owns the business.  The job has become practically untenable but you need it for the income (obviously), the short-term disability benefits and the medical insurance but the stress of working under these horrible conditions every day is, not surprisingly, making you depressed. 

No easy answers here Vicki except that you'll probably have to stick it out in this awful situation until such time as you can have your AN surgery and are past the recovery period, as your continued employment will ensure your medical coverage (AN surgery totals can easily run to $100,000.) and of course, you'll need the short term disability coverage, too, as you recuperate.  Once you're recovered, I would certainly consider consulting an attorney who specializes in workplace rights and find out what your options are, aside from simply quitting your job (and hoping you receive a good reference).  I'm not an attorney but it seems as if what you are enduring now is clearly workplace harassment based on a disability and should be legally actionable.   Keep a personal written record of what is said to you, by whom and the date and time, as the law turns on specificity, not broad allegations that will undoubtedly be vehemently denied by your co-workers, should they ever be called to account for their cruel and unjustified behavior.  I would also recommend making a written complaint and request for a transfer to the company HR department and, of course, keep a copy (or 2) for yourself.  Perhaps if the HR dolts wake up and realize they are quite vulnerable to a costly lawsuit they might respond positively to your request for a transfer.  However, don't mention lawsuits or consulting an attorney to HR or anyone else at your workplace as this will be characterized as 'threatening' and can backfire on you.   

Meanwhile, your workplace 'isolation' may be somewhat beneficial as it can keep you out of the sights of the jerks you have to work with. I urge you to do your very best to maintain your dignity and integrity at all times and don't allow stupid, insensitive people to get you down or change who you are.  Although a job change seems like the perfect antidote to your depression, as that isn't feasible, you may wish to consult a doctor for something to alleviate it so that you can work and pursue a surgeon to operate on your AN, as your health has to supersede everything else, including your employment and the stress it is causing you due to the obnoxious people you have to work with.

I'm sure others will be posting their advice and support, Vicki.  We all share a common bond, an acoustic neuroma tumor and the single-sided deafness that almost always accompany it, so we can empathize with you and understand some of what you're dealing with, even if we haven't personally experienced the exact same harassment on the job. 

I hope my message is of some small help to you.  You'll be in my prayers.  Please stay connected here.  We do care. 

Jim

 

[Omaschwannoma]

Okay, I wrote to you Vicki only I responded to your "Sarcasm" post under "Hearing Issues."  Here is my response again....This is way out of line  and you can do something to "right" their wrongs by taking 16's advice with a lawyer, documenting as much as you can, etc.  You do have it hard given your recent diagnosis, a single mom with a child, and abusive co-workers, your trying to cope with many serious and important issues as best you can.  You must rise above the taunting and abuse, we are here to support you in your efforts, don't become "the victim", you are worth so much more.  Keep forging ahead, even though it is rough having to face the abuse, come here to "vent" to keep yourself clear headed for yourself and your child.  Come up with a "mantra" (a saying that will bring you joy or peace) that you can say to yourself over and over when times are tough, even if it sounds ridiculous, it works by taking your focus off what is causing you distraction. 

[Dana]

WHAT? !!  I'm appalled.  I can't believe that behavior like this exists.  It's a good thing I'm a long way from Cleveland, cuz I come beat the **** out of your co-workers.....

As a more rational alternative, I've sent your post (anonymously, via cut and paste) to a friend who's a personal exec for a government agency (a long way from Cleveland, don't worry) to ask her advise, which I will forward to you.

Jesus, I'd be depressed, furious and a basket case if I were in your shoes.  I commend you highly for maintaining your dignity.

The one thing I would strongly recommend is that you talk to your doctor (or go to a specialist) about getting a prescription for an appropriate anti-depressant.  You need something to help you through this period, and so the depression doesn't "set in" as a permanent thing.  I would also encourage you to find a talk therapist (could be a psychologist, a social worker, a trained counselor) to meet with at least once every two weeks.  I've always called my talk therapists my "professional friends"!  I'm so glad you found the ANA Board so you talk to everyone here, but there's nothing like face-to-face positive reinforcement for getting through difficult periods like you're experiencing.

I send you big hugs, with tears in my eyes,
Dana

[Dana]

I meant to say I'd sent it to a friend who's a PERSONNEL exec!
Dana

[OMG16]

Dana that is awesome!  You are a wonderful support.  Please do let us all know what your friend has to say.  We are all very concerned with this situation.  16

[nancyann]

Vicki:  I too am mind boggled that you are being treated like this - by ' adults ' ?

I wonder if the American Disabilities Act would have something to say about being made fun of.

Google them & see if there's a contact thru the website or tel. #.    I'd like to see a few 'government' people
go to your workplace & rip them to shreads.

Like Jim said, a bunch of morons.  They are obviously very insecure, disturbed people. 
Any 'healthy minded' person would never do this.
I'm sorry you have to work with a bunch of evil spirited people.

My heart goes out to you....     Nancy

[vicki1967]

That's so very nice of you all for providing me with advice - thank you all so much!

I recently filed a complaint with my local EEOC (it became 'official' about one week ago). I'm just afraid that - once the manager and the office Administrator find out about it - I'll have to suffer even more. When they found out about my first complaint (even though I specifically told the HR Director that I did not want a one-on-one with these individuals), they - basically, cornered me. I believe it was December 13th that I filed a written complaint within my company HR department. Very soon after I received my 'scolding' from the two of them - the office Administrator organized a department Christmas party. Each employee participated in the event by bringing in a dish, or treat. I purchased a large cookie tray from the local grocery store. The entire tray vanished right from our department kitchen. When we all gathered together to eat, it looked as if I didn't participate. This is the kind of treatment I have to deal with, as well. And, later that afternoon (after the party), the office Administrator interuppted a conversation between two other employees (that casually brought up my name) - saying 'Vicki can go Fu** off!!' I brought this to the attention of HR, as well, and was asked - again - if I was searching for other jobs. On two separate occasions, office cards were passed around for all employees to sign - except for me. I'm just so tired of being treated like this, that I feel like I'm dying inside. I keep worrying that I won't be around to take my son to school on his first day of kindergarten. What also hurts is - believing that, everytime I pick up my son from school (after work), that he doesn't even know his mom is some kind of 'freak', and it almost makes me feel guilty. I feel like a caged animal when I'm at work.

On another note - although I haven't found a doctor that I am pleased with, I have seen two (brain specialist) doctors - on various occasions, as I've already had three MRI's, three audiology tests, and the brain tumor doctors' office visits. I always have to make up for my time lost from work - for these visits. My lunches are cut short, or I have to either come in early, or leave work late. I've sent my FMLA Intermittent Leave of Absenses, signed by my first doctor, but the inter-office envelope somehow never made it to HR.

I just don't know how much more of this I can take. I feel as if my son is growing up too fast because I can't slow down enough to watch him grow. My mind is always focused on 'why are they doing this to me?', or 'what's going to happen next?'. I've already seen a doctor, who has provided me with an anti-depressant. All I wanted was to be treated like a human being. I am very respectful of others' feelings, and I've always helped others in need. When a coworker sat down with the HR Director (after my HR complaint) - she backed me up. She told me that the HR Director told her that the manager brings in 'a lot of money' to our department. So, I feel as if I should just expect this kind of treatment since our manager increases profits.

[Lorenzo]

Typical case of bullying. Those morons are unfortunately not alone, and if they get supported by other bullies like HR under the 'financial' reason, there's even a bigger case to answer for that company! NOTHING justifies such treatment, and implying so makes it another case of bullying, 'take it and shut up' kind of bullying. Unfortunately it's always the good that get targeted, like you. Vicki, focus on you and your son, those are what really matters to you, the rest is just work, it isn't your life! I'm not trying to make it a 'get over it' type of thing, but I'm trying to say that you CAN rise above them, you can because you are much more than them. Keep being strong, let them act as idiots, do what you can to get your complaint sorted out, but always remember that all that is not your life! It's work, not pleasant, totally nasty, incredibly hurtful, unjust,  but it's not YOUR life, it's theirs. You are probably right, when they hear about it it might get worse. Of course keep a record of that too.

Are you looking for another job? I presume you can't from an insurance point of view.

Wow, this IS terrible!! I'd be angry, frustrated, deeply depressed and not sure I could cope with it all myself! What I experienced was rather mild compared to this, so rising above it was easier. But this, this is extreme. I admire you for putting up with it, I am sure it is absolute hell!!   

Know you have lots of support here from us all!!

Ciao, Lorenzo

[vicki1967]

Thanks for your response, Jim. In regards to the issue regarding the isolation being 'beneficial', I can understand your thinking; however, this affects me, as well. I no longer receive my work-related material, as the office admin used to provide it to me, but now she makes others do it. The same goes for messages - she tells others to tell me important matters. This further degrades me, as others have to know that I am isolated. It's so not fair - I just want to be treated FAIRLY. I haven't done ANYTHING to deserve this negative treatment, NOTHING. I do not talk office-type gossip, or make fun of people. I always compliment people when I like something about them, and I always make sure to say hello if someone looks like they're having a bad day. The office admin and I used to get along, and even joke around - for example, everytime she would make her rounds to deliver the paychecks to everyone, I would pretend as if I was going to take the whole stack (in her hand). It began to be a silly little game every other week, as she would have to keep them out of my reach. Or, I would joke around and say (after opening my pay check) 'There's something wrong with my check!', and she would say 'What is it??', I would say something to the effect of 'it's not enough to pay my bills!' A little humor in the workplace is fun, and it helps us all to get along, when we can laugh every once in a while. I don't know why the admin took the joking too far, though. I would NEVER even THINK to make fun of someone who had a serious medical issue. She would also, on NUMEROUS OCCASIONS tell me I looked like 'The Grudge', a character in a horror movie. She began calling me 'Grudge'. She made sure that she asked each and every coworker - when I was around 'Doesn't Vicki look like The Grudge??' The managers never did a damn thing to stop this.

Hi, Vicki:

You have my sympathy, for whatever good it may do.   I'm so sorry you have to deal with a bunch of insensitive fools on your job as well as being diagnosed with an acoustic neuroma.  I'm retired and was when my AN was discovered so I can't really respond to your question as to whether I was harassed on the job due to my AN.  Had that happened, I probably would have consulted an attorney and instituted a lawsuit against my employer for workplace harassment.  Frankly, the behavior of both your co-workers and your mutual employer is simply unconscionable. 

I understand your dilemma.  Your co-workers - who sound like a collection of juvenile, mean-spirited morons - make your working environment very unpleasant.  Because you (rightfully) complained, you are now isolated and passed over for raises and/or advancement.  Your complaint and request for a transfer were dismissed by the company HR department, showing a total lack of concern on the part of the company that owns the business.  The job has become practically untenable but you need it for the income (obviously), the short-term disability benefits and the medical insurance but the stress of working under these horrible conditions every day is, not surprisingly, making you depressed. 

No easy answers here Vicki except that you'll probably have to stick it out in this awful situation until such time as you can have your AN surgery and are past the recovery period, as your continued employment will ensure your medical coverage (AN surgery totals can easily run to $100,000.) and of course, you'll need the short term disability coverage, too, as you recuperate.  Once you're recovered, I would certainly consider consulting an attorney who specializes in workplace rights and find out what your options are, aside from simply quitting your job (and hoping you receive a good reference).  I'm not an attorney but it seems as if what you are enduring now is clearly workplace harassment based on a disability and should be legally actionable.   Keep a personal written record of what is said to you, by whom and the date and time, as the law turns on specificity, not broad allegations that will undoubtedly be vehemently denied by your co-workers, should they ever be called to account for their cruel and unjustified behavior.  I would also recommend making a written complaint and request for a transfer to the company HR department and, of course, keep a copy (or 2) for yourself.  Perhaps if the HR dolts wake up and realize they are quite vulnerable to a costly lawsuit they might respond positively to your request for a transfer.  However, don't mention lawsuits or consulting an attorney to HR or anyone else at your workplace as this will be characterized as 'threatening' and can backfire on you.   

Meanwhile, your workplace 'isolation' may be somewhat beneficial as it can keep you out of the sights of the jerks you have to work with. I urge you to do your very best to maintain your dignity and integrity at all times and don't allow stupid, insensitive people to get you down or change who you are.  Although a job change seems like the perfect antidote to your depression, as that isn't feasible, you may wish to consult a doctor for something to alleviate it so that you can work and pursue a surgeon to operate on your AN, as your health has to supersede everything else, including your employment and the stress it is causing you due to the obnoxious people you have to work with.

I'm sure others will be posting their advice and support, Vicki.  We all share a common bond, an acoustic neuroma tumor and the single-sided deafness that almost always accompany it, so we can empathize with you and understand some of what you're dealing with, even if we haven't personally experienced the exact same harassment on the job. 

I hope my message is of some small help to you.  You'll be in my prayers.  Please stay connected here.  We do care. 

Jim

 

[Jim Scott]

Thanks for your response, Jim. In regards to the issue regarding the isolation being 'beneficial', I can understand your thinking; however, this affects me, as well.

I do understand your predicament, Vicki.   I only meant that, in some instances, being isolated can actually be a small benefit (out of the way of the bullies) but I realize that if you are denied necessary work-related material or information that affects your ability to do your job, it is not a benefit at all.  Whatever the genesis, you seem to have been targeted for harassment by staff and management alike.  This is just schoolyard bullying taken into the workplace. It is not only wrong and unfair, but highly illegal.  I could not work under such conditions and I doubt I would even try.  I would have quit - and sued - but you don't appear to be a situation where quitting is a feasible option, at least not yet, anyway.  This presents you with a real dilemma, I know.   

I have to surmise that the morons that are harassing you like this have figured out that you'll stand for it because (a) you need the job and, (b) you're a nice person who doesn't like confrontation.  Besides, they must now realize that, even if you complain, they are going to be protected by the company hierarchy.  I'm a bit suspicious that you've been targeted in a subtle drive to get you to quit before you make a (big) claim on the company medical and disability insurance coverage with your surgery and then go on disability leave, both of which will cost the company money in terms of likely rate increases in their medical and disability insurance coverage.  This may have no bearing on the problem but such severe harassment as you've described based on the fact that you're essentially deaf in one ear seems odd.  I think there's some other motive for it.  No matter.  Whatever the cause, you still have to deal with it everyday.

At this point I would suggest making every effort to find a surgeon you're comfortable with, schedule the surgery for as soon as possible and get out of that place of work!  There is clearly no future for you there but using your medical and short-term disability insurance 'on your way out' is about the best you can do.  I have a distinct feeling that even if you didn't quit, when you tried to come back to work the company would have no need for your services or your job would have been eliminated, absorbed - or something.  Whatever the rationale, you wouldn't have a job there, anymore.  Better to get out on medical/disability leave while you take care of your AN, then seek another position and definitely consult an attorney about filing suit for harassment.  You have been absused by the company and it's employees for no good reason that I can see, based on your account of the situation, which I accept as accurate.  You've been through enough.  Now, schedule your surgery and take your leave of that awful situation. 

Don't allow the bullying morons you have the misfortune to work with ruin your existence, demean your opinion of yourself or otherwise diminish you.  They are the idiots, not you, Vicki.  You seem to have done nothing 'wrong'.  It's a group-think, herd mentality, pile-on situation ('let's get Vicki") that we usually leave behind buy the time we graduate from high school.  Apparently, some don't, which is truly pathetic.   However, you do need to stick it out awhile longer.  To help you do so, think about the looks on the faces of the company bigwigs when their legal department calls to tell them they've been hit with a high-dollar harassment lawsuit.  Besides, once you leave, you'll never have to deal with these dreadful idiots again.  That should help cheer you up! 

Jim

[sgerrard]

I work for a large corporation in Cleveland, Ohio. Since my diagnosis, our Office Administrator has called me 'deaf', 'dumb', 'retarded', and more, on numerous occasions.

This has to be one of the strangest cases I have heard of. What sort of company is this large corporation in Cleveland? Most corporations of any significant size are well aware of the peril of ignoring harassment in the workplace. It can be an enormously expensive blunder on their part not to have a clear policy against it, to ensure that all employees are made aware of that policy, and to enforce it as rigorously as they would a zero-tolerance drug policy. The shareholders should be informed, so they can divest before the hammer falls.

I don't think I have ever heard of a grown up referring to another person as "retarded", unless it was in the clinically appropriate sense of failing to display age appropriate behavior. Is this office administrator a 12 year old? Hmm. If the office administrator is not displaying age appropriate behavior, who is actually retarded here?

As for advice, I really don't know what to say. Stay as long as you have to, or as long as you can, then bolt out of there lickety split. This is not a good place to continue working. I have no idea how far an actual lawsuit would get, but if it were possible, I would hire Jackie Chiles, that lawyer on the Seinfeld show. He would make mince meat of them.

I hope that a) you are able to manage until you get treatment; b) your treatment goes spectacularly well - you deserve a break; and c) the corporation implodes from their astonishing lack of adequate management. If you can d) get a big cash settlement out of the deal, so much the better.

You shall overcome!

Steve

[LADavid]

Hey Steve
I agree with what you are saying about large corporations.  But this doesn't surprise me.  The same thing that is happening to Vicki happened to me at one of the world's largest and oldest advertising agencies.  I just came to realize that there are major jerks out there and that there are companies who just don't get it.  And my client was equally -- a major pizza chain was even more open in ridiculing my hearing loss.  Amazingly, it does happen.
David

[vicki1967]

I'm beginning to feel better already, after reading all of these postings. The corporation I work for is a bank. You know, when times get really bad, I sometimes say to myself 'you know, I think I'd rather have my skull drilled open, than suffer through this misery each day - I think I'll schedule surgery just so I can leave this constant torment'. There are so many more instances that have happened at work, that I can't even sit here and write them all - but it helps to get support for it. I somehow feel more need for support in dealing with the cruelty at work, than I do brain surgery. And, it hurts to know that HR hasn't provided me with any feedback other than 'are you searching for something else...' I truly feel like my own LIFE could be in jeopardy, as this office Admin is just too 'obsessed' over making me miserable. She is about 45 years old. Before my HR complaint, she LITERALLY - COULD NOT LET A DAY GO BY - where I went home without any degrading remark. On several occasions, as I left work, I actually thought 'wow! no negative comments ALL DAY!!', when, lo and behold, here she comes, running behind me with something nasty out of her mouth. On a few occasions, as I arrived to work in the morning, she would greet me with 'Grudge...' (a character in a horror movie). And, I noticed something rather unusual - whenever coworkers come up to my cubicle to make friendly conversation, the office admin begins to smack her gum very loudly (she makes loud cracking sounds), as if she is blowing off steam. I can't say the remaining workers are like her, but they never stood up to say 'Hey, can you stop aggravating her', or anything to that effect. They just get real quiet. On a few occasions, the office admin kicked the back of my chair as hard as hard can be - even without warning. She once walked up to me and put all of her fingers through my hair, and said 'I can't even get my fingers through your hair'. I haven't even included these latest incidents on my EEOC charge, because there were so many other incidents, that I just couldn't list EVERYTHING. And, would you believe, shortly after my HR complaint, her office area was moved right next to mine? She was quite distant, before. Now, we are separated by a removable wall (approximately 6 feet tall). I believe this is just another form of retaliation from the manager. She whispers and laughs ALL DAY LONG. And, I swear, it sure sounds like each and every obnoxious laugh is directed right towards me. After that HR complaint, the manager once ran up to my computer and began reading what I was typing (too bad for her it WAS work-related!). Believe me, in the last six months, I have had a TON of work dumped right onto me, that there is absolutely NO TIME for any type of goofing off. Also, for no reason, she picked up a piece of paper off my desk (that was turned upside down), and began reading it. Again, too bad it was still work-related. She even came up to me, started looking around my desk, and floor area, and finally said, 'are you charging your cell phone here at work?' I believe she was hoping to get me in trouble for running the bank's electric bill up. Too bad I've never charged my cell phone at work. This individual (the manager) is about 58 years old. I apologize if I'm writing too much, it just really helps to vent - and I dread each and every night that I know I have to face this belittling the very next day. I feel like I'm going to prison camp to serve time. I REALLY appreciate all this advice, as I will start to think of it all when things get bad. Tomorrow shouldn't be so bad, though, because both of them are out of the office!! Yippee!! Forgive me, but I'm a little excited about having a NORMAL day!!!