Rude People Rant

[Soundy]

Not sure where to stick this but here seems as good a place as any

I was in Walmart yesterday trying to get shopping done and out fast... they had a truck that
was suppose to have been there around midnight not  get there at 10:00am and so there were
alot of workers buzzing around restocking ... forklifts buzzing around beeping and making other
noises... announcement after announcement and it was getting to be  too much for me ... but I was
going to stick it out because I didn't want to have to come back to town later... if not for the
trip back to sticks and having to trudge back to town later I would have just left and came back...

I was looking at heavy mailing envelopes... a woman in a wheelchair with no legs pushing herself along
with a cane and dragging a buggy came into the aile... I moved my buggy to make more room for
her and went back to looking for what I needed... my back was to her... all of the sudden I get
three hard jabs to the middle of my back... I spin around and she is going off on me ... telling me how
she was sick and tired of a world of rude people who think they are to good to talk to a legless
person or acknowledge their existence ... she is getting louder and shaking her cane and I am only
getting part of what was coming out of her mouth because I had backed away from her(out of reach
of the cane) and couldn't hear her clearly through her rage and the store noise ...

she threw the cane and said so your too good for the likes of me ... I wanted to say yes ...not because of
her loss of legs but because she was a rude obnoxious person... instead I told her I am deaf in one ear
and losing hearing in the other and asked if she needed something ...

said she couldn't tell that I couldn't hear...she was looking at my ears as if she could see deafness... I asked again
if she needed something...yes ...a box of 20 -13 gallon trash bags ...I got them for her and then handed her her cane
and tried to escape...

she told me that she had to have them to get rid of her depends as soon as possible and it sucked
having no legs ... told me she lost them cause she was stupid when the doctors told her to work
with them to get diabetes under control or she would ...she didn't listen and now is trapped in the chair..
by this time she is teary ...and I am lost ... didn't want to leave her but wanted to run and leave
my basket where it is and come home to hide from world... she pulled herself together and said she
had to finish up before the Handicapped Van was ready to leave ... they get her once a week to bring her
to shop and take her to doctor appointments etc


She apologized but I was still mad as we parted ways

a couple weeks ago a checkout boy at the Movie Gallery when I didn't under stand what he said and
asked him to repeat himself asked if I was deaf or just stupid ... he no longer works there ...
he had had other complaints besides mine against him but mine was the straw that broke the mangers
back...but that was  not the first or I am sure the last time someone is rude to me as a result of me
not hearing well...

This morning as I was dressing my husband asked what the marks on my back were from... I looked in mirror
and have three closely spaced blue marks about as big around as a half dollar coin where she jabbed me ...
and I am mad all over again... and not especially at her ... the boy actually made me madder ...

I think I am just mad at the world and getting down... still fighting for BAHA and stuff like this just reinforces
why it would be nice to hear a bit more ...

It is nice to have a place to vent... was talking to a friend this morning who suggested tracking down and
suing the lady ... but as someone with a disability ...one that is invisible to the world and seeing some of
the treatment I have gotten by rude people , I can see where she was coming from ...she crossed the line
by jabbing me with her cane but can feel a bit of her frustrtion...

OK... I am done ... gonna go sit in my corner and read a book til kids come home to entertain me

Thanks for being here

[Jim Scott]

Soundy:

Wow, what an experience!  You have good cause to be upset...who wouldn't be? 

Of course the legless old lady was rude, obnoxious and totally wrong for hitting you with her cane and going into a tirade.  However, even though it doesn't absolve her of responsibility, I can understand her frustration - to a point.  She hates her paraplegic plight and knows that she practically put herself in this awful situation by not taking care of her diabetes so she's doubly angry and wants to lash out, even at strangers like you who really did nothing to her except not hear what she said due to your own handicap (SSD).  Well, at least she apologized.  Still, you certainly didn't deserve this unpleasant drama. 

The incident with the moron clerk was worse, as you stated.  He flat-out insulted you for no good reason and deserved to be fired.  Those of us with SSD do have a handicap and it does impact our daily lives.  I try to lean in and hear what clerks are saying but sometimes I can't, especially when they talk softly or there are loud ambient sounds. So far, no one has complained.  Once in awhile I have to ask a clerk to repeat something I need to hear a third or fourth time, usually due to their soft and/or slurring speech.  When that happens, I always apologize and state that I'm hard of hearing.  I also try to lean as close to the speaker as possible. 

I agree that SSD is a hassle sometimes.  Our impaired hearing is, as you noted, invisible but still an impediment.  The legless old lady's behavior was outrageous and something no one should have to endure.  I think the old woman needs psychiatric help but you have your own emotional issues to deal with.  Meanwhile, realize that obnoxious people can only ruin our outlook if we allow their stupid behavior to do so.  The legless old lady is sad but you have your own life to live and can't allow rude morons you inevitably encounter to affect your attitude for long.  I doubt that you will.   

Jim

[Brendalu]

Wow, I am so sorry for the rude people you have encountered!  My husband is usually with me when I encounter rude people and he announces loudly, "She can't hear what you are saying, she's deaf on that side."  He usually finishes it up with muttering what a bunch of morons! 
After all of this time, people just don't get it, that deafness is a disability or handicap or whatever is politically correct at the moment.  A lot of them you can it explain it to them and they still look at you like you are stupid.
Again, Soundy, I am sooo very sorry you had to go through this.  I'm glad you had a place to vent.
Hugs,
Brenda

[Debbi]

I sometimes find it helpful to curse at rude people in another language (usually Italian for me.)  A (clean) favorite is - Cretino!!  (which loosely translates to "moron!")

Meanwhile, Soundy, console yourself with the knowledge that you are so much better in all ways than those miserable people.  For starters, imagine how crumby is is to wake up each morning and be THEM???

Hang in there!

Debbi (occasionally muttering Italian curses in NJ)

[leapyrtwins]

Soundy -

not to make light of the rudeness of others, but the good news is that you have a place like this where you can come and vent and we understand.

The legless old lady probably doesn't have the same, so I'm guessing she has to take her frustrations out on others.

Jan

[Soundy]

Jim... I don't usually let people get to me much but this just did ...I think it was the physical
assault on me even though a small assault that tipped me over into a sort of rage... and the rude
kid at the movie store was worse than she was ten times over...

Brenda... my 8 year old helps me sometimes by telling people speak up she's getting old and
giggling ...  ... not sure how much help that really is ... by the way ...nice name   

Debbi ... Cretino!! ... gonna borrow that ... it sounds more official than the bumberpoop that a 3
year old grandson calls people he is mad at ...maybe I should share the word with him

Jan... I was going to say that you don't know how glad I am for this place ... but you all do...


I am feeling better and over most of  anger at whole mess... feel like I should hang a sign on myself
pointing to my ears ... Out Of Order

[leapyrtwins]

Jan... I was going to say that you don't know how glad I am for this place ... but you all do...

We're all glad 

Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

Jan

[lori67]

Soundy - I think you exercised great control not grabbing that cane and hitting her over the head with it!  I probably would have grabbed my back and yelled "Ouch, I just donated a kidney yesterday and you just opened up the incision - I think I'm bleeding", as I was falling over....  Okay, maybe that would have been a little dramatic.  Don't worry, I just think these things, I don't actually do them!   

I had a similar situation at the grocery store a few weeks ago.  I was at one end of the counter unloading the groceries onto the conveyor, and the bag boy (with purple hair, I might add) was looking at me saying something.  Well, all I hear are beeps from the register and other noise.  So I asked him what he'd said.  He mumbled it again.  I just looked at the cashier and said "I can't hear a word he's saying, so if it's important, you'd better ask me yourself".  Finally, purple bag boy yelled and really slowed his speech like I was some sort of idiot and said "I     saaaaiiiiidddd  "Hoooooowwwww aaaaarrrreeee  yyyooooouuuuu?"  When I got to the end of the line I just said "Oh,I'm sorry I didn't hear you earlier, but I'm deaf and I only read lips".  Perhaps an exaggeration on my part, but I think he felt kinda bad after that.  I figure if his own mother couldn't teach him respect and common courtesy, someone should.

Hope your bruises are healing.  Maybe that lady will stop and think twice before treating someone like that again.

Lori

[Static]

Soundy,  I agree with Lori.  I think I would have wanted to grab the cane and hit her back!  Legs or not, that is no way to act towards anyone!  I know that most people totally misunderstand SSD by saying, "well you have the other ear, you can still hear", which pisses me off to no end.  They really have no idea what it's like and guess what, yeah I have another ear but it's next to impossible to hear other people in crowded situations with so much background noise and everything trying to be processed on one side and the loud screaming tinnitus in the other.  I shouldn't have to explain myself, I'm trying my best and always try to have a pleasant outlook, people are just plain rude!
SSD is NOT easy, it's a struggle for me every day, even in my own home.  I wonder how long it will be, it's been 4 years now, when my own family will remember not to try to talk to me from the next room so I don't have to tell them to just forget it until they can take the time to sit down and talk to me, I wouldn't want to trouble them!  Why can't people just speak up more clearly in the first place and look at you when they are talking to you!  Okay, sorry for the attitude, but Soundy's experience is really upsetting.  There are way too many people in our world who are rude, obnoxious and just plain stupid!  Hugs to you Soundy, and everyone else who has to deal with this BS!
~Karen

[4cm in Pacific Northwest]

Walmart I have found has always had an “interesting� atmosphere whether I am in Canada, Oregon, California, Hawaii or Louisiana. I personally do not find it to be a positive shopping experience even if there are many bargains in the one-stop-shopping.

Both people there were abusive towards you and whether the situation came out of misunderstanding or just plain poor social skills, on their part, remains unclear. Regardless I am sorry you had to experience this. HUGS

I am in the habit of wearing my deaf left pin everywhere I go now. It is part of the morning routine of brushing my teeth and hair, putting on the watch and attaching one “deaf left� pin to my outfit and one to my overcoat of the day. (as one might put on their jewelry)

Without it my disability is invisible to others… and people are less understanding and accommodating- especially when I am shopping. With it people tend to be patient and actually look me in the eye when they are speaking to me.

There are always going to be rude people out there. They probably are not the first you encountered and sadly will not be the last.

Try this:

AN11: Pin for Single-Sided Deafness
•   Designed to be worn on the side of your non-hearing ear.
•   Helps direct the speaker to your hearing ear.
•   The pin is approximately 1 ¾" wide by 2 ¾" high.    





Price: $5.00

https://secure.baxinternet.com/~anausa/for_sale.html

I think the $10 I spent has brought me understanding and has helped me to avoid rudeness- when I am out and about in public.

Keep moving forward,

4

[Captain Deb]

I'm reading this incredible book called "A New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle and also downloading an online class on the book on Oprah.com.  It gives some perspective on why people react to situations like they do and how to deal with difficult people and situations in your own life from a spiritual perspective. What an eye-opener.  I'm minding people like this less and less and finding more compassion.  They are always going to be around.  It's my reaction to them that need to change.

Capt Deb

[Sam Rush]

Should have called the police for her hitting you w/ the cane. Rudeness is not a crime, but hitting you w/ the cane is!!!!

[Soundy]

Today is better... even saw the sun for a little bit ... ground is so wet earthworms are crawling out to get dry

Sam ... you are right ... it was a crime for her to turn her cane on me and I think I may have called police
or at least store manager or both had I not been in a bit of shock... whole time I spent with her I had a voice
in my head screaming ...she hit me ! ... some friends I have talk to said I should have called

Deb... thanks for heads up on the book...always looking for something worth reading... I think I was very tolerant
in my handling of things even though the thought of committing a crime by whopping her back with her cane
did cross my mind... I reacted calmly by understanding where she was coming from... I hope she doesn't
hit too many people... sooner or later someone is not going to take it as  well

Lori ....hahahahahahahahahahhahaha... kidney donation incision opening up ... I guess that would have been
good but my brain wasn't thinking that fast...


What gets me more than the not hearing is the disorientation that comes with it ... I know I was there for certain
things and had left home with no list which is a no no  for me to start with ... I have what the rheumatologist termed
as brain fog from lupus to go with the wonky head from AN surgery and together they make my mind turn to mush...I
get dizzy from brain running to catch up with what I am trying to think of and get tense and head achy...
then throw in some of the people I have encountered and I really get thrown sideways...

but onward and up ward right

the only thing my doctor said much about pre-surgery is loss of hearing ...everything else would be a minor
inconvenience in his opinion...
he don't know nothing ...

[okiesandy]

This totally reminds me of a trip to Walgreens. I was ready to check out and no one was in sight. I heard a voice say I can check you out over here. ( now where the devil is over here to a single sided hearing person) I did the famous round and round thing and no person in sight. After a couple of over hears I said show me where over here is. The silly girl was peeking at me from between two signs. I put my stuff in the counter and she said something to me and of course I had to ask her to repeat and explaned I was deaf in one ear and losing hearing in the other. Her very nice response was.....tah da.....why don't you get a hearing aid instead of having people yell. I said "I'll make a deal with you, If you will overlook my deafness I will over look your stupidity". GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!

Hang in there. You can have the last laugh. Don't answer anyone, just learn to sign I am deaf and stand there looking helpless. This works very well if you have other people around. They stop and give the guilty person a really special look.

Sandy

[Debbi]

Sandy - LOVE the suggestion about signing "I am deaf!"  I am going to go online and see if I can find that one - maybe I'll try it out in the hospital.  HA HA!

Debbi - soon to be signing from NJ...