I will buy the first copy ...
I read through this the other day and was trying to think what I could write and can't think of a thing
to write ... or more accurately can think of too many and couldn't write a cohesive paragraph about one
subject...
The wait ...dealing with family that just wanted it ripped out while I was content to wait til Bennie began
to grow at an alarming rate... the SSD ... the never ending ringing in my ears that at time brings me to tears
because it can no longer masked by sound since I have no hearing in that ear... the loss of my ability to sub
at school because I could not guarantee that at some point in the day I would not have to lay down or leave...
the frustration of not being able to fully participate in the farm work... farms don't have smooth paved walkways
and working the cows is now a real danger as I stumble about ... I am no longer a fully functioning part of our life ...
I feel left out when husband and the girls go on the fence rounds that are a weekly ritual of walking the fences
looking for breaks and along the way looking for deer , feathers ,mushrooms ,flowers ect... less about the fences and
more about life ... and I am no linger a part of it because I can not manage walking up and down the hills over
limbs ,rocks and other obstacles ... they bring me back rocks,flowers and sometimes take my camera so I can take
a virtual walk with them... stick them on the computer and make a slide show that they narrate for me ... my
husband says don't worry ... they can handle it without me ... tells me rest or read or whatever... down time from
the kids ... the thing is I don't want them to handle it without me ... I am still here and get angry sometimes at the
changes in my day to day life...he still goes to work every morning and comes home to the farm to work some more
and says to not worry he has things covered... just sucks sometimes...
And for some reason I keep thinking about the gnome I saw at the end of my bed when I was coming out of
anethesia... turned out to be a nun but I still see her as a gnome ... I doubt many have had a gnome come visit them