i got rescheduled... need advice on post op recovery time...

[calimama]

Well my fast approaching surgery (was to be May 12) got bumped 2 weeks as one of the surgeons has to make an emergency trip to see family in India. I am now rescheduled for the 26th of May. A minor set back  in the grand scheme of things but like those of you who have been bumped, I know your frustration (Debbi!).

My only concern is that my inlaws are arriving on the 30th of May, Just 4 days after surgery!! They are super people, but we are not so "close" as, 1. My hubbie and i have only known each other for 3 years, 2. they are from Colombia so i have met them during 2 visits there and they visited us once here. My hubbie's mom speaks only spanish (his dad is ok with english). I was planning to have my mom around for the first week after surgery (out of hospital) as i didn't know what kind of shape i would be in or what kind of help i would need. Now with his parents here for 4 weeks starting on the 30th, it is not feasible for my mom to be here too. IN laws have been waiting a long time to come here and spend time with their grand daughter (Cali, 13.5 months), i hate to mess with their plans. But i know i gotta work out what i need.

I guess i am just wondering how much help and what kind i will need after surgery (realizing there is no telling in advance how it will go)! If anyone could share their experiences of the first few weeks after surgery that would be super helpful for me to work how i should handle my scheduling issues.

Thanks everyone!

Trish

[Boppie]

Trish, This is easier said than done...If it were me, I'd have my mom with me, and beg my inlaws to please stay nights at a hotel. 

Four weeks is a very long time to be on your best behavior and play hostess to any guest.  You need quiet rest especially long night time sleep, daytime naps, and a stress free place for good healing and recovery.  Those first weeks are the most important.

You will appreciate the babysitting, small meals for yourself, quiet bed rest between brief walks and soft conversation. Please insist on it.

[lori67]

Trish,

I got bumped a week too because my doctors wife was due to have her baby.  These doctors and their busy schedules... geez..

Anyway, I had my husband around for 2 weeks after my surgery and after that I was on my own with the 2 kids (4 yrs and 10 months at the time).  My mother-in-law came during week 3 to "help out" but that turned out to be more work having her here.  I think I would have been fine after the two weeks.  I just had to modify some stuff - like letting the baby nap in the pack and play downstairs so I didn't have to worry about the stairs to her room.  I would make one trip down in the morning and bring diapers/wipes, anything I needed from up there so I didn't have to go back up until bedtime.  I had made and frozen some meals before my surgery so I wouldn't have to worry about cooking.

I know there's nothing like having your own mom with you when you're not feeling well, but I'm sure even with the language barrier, your in-laws will do what they can to help out.  I think housework is the same in any language!  

Lori

[sgerrard]

I'm with Boppie on this one. By all accounts, you need at least that first week to yourself. If your mother can't come to you, can you go to her? If they are visiting for four weeks, there will time later on to visit and spend time together.

I will also toss out another idea, just for consideration. If they can bump you, maybe you can do a bump as well. If you bumped it out say 39 more days, for instance, I could promise you I will set off fireworks on the day of your surgery! Just a thought.

Hopefully you will find a good arrangement that works.

Steve

[leapyrtwins]

Trish -

I'm with Boppie & Steve - you do need a few good weeks of rest and people should be taking care of you, not the other way around. 

If your in-laws are arriving 4 days after your surgery, you might not even be out of the hospital yet.  Your husband will have a lot on his plate with trying to entertain his parents, take care of your daughter, and last - but certainly not least - be there for you.  You have no idea at this point what your recovery will entail, so it's probably best to plan on taking things slowly.  Will you really be able to do that when you have house guests? or will you end up feeling like you have one more thing to deal with in addition to your recovery?  You are the one having brain surgery, the main focus should be you. 

IMO, Steve's suggestion of postponing your surgery until after your in-law's visit makes a lot of sense.  Since they are traveling from so far away it might be easier to change your surgery date than to change their travel plans.  In addition, if you scheduled the surgery later, you could have your mom with you - which sounds like something you'd really like.

I have to admit, selfishly, that I'd love to see Steve set off fireworks, but I'm sure you will figure out what works best for you.

Jan 

[cmp]

Trish,

I agree TOTALLY with Boppie, Steve, and Jan. NO way should you even be worrying about juggling hostess duties so soon after surgery (and maybe before you even come home from the hospital!). You need to keep things very simple, so you can focus on your own recovery and getting stronger. If you want to have your mom with you, you definitely should!

Do your in-laws know/understand about your situation? Maybe they don't realize that though you have a good prognosis with an AN, it is still brain surgery and comes with a necessary recovery that varies in length for different people? If not, maybe your husband could explain a bit more to them, and suggest that if they stay at a hotel, that may be the best of both worlds--they'll get to meet Cali and provide you with needed babysitting help, and also meet your mom.

If they're reluctant to stay in a hotel, and you're not able to/comfortable with rescheduling your surgery, another possibility would be to see if your in-laws can reschedule their trip. Airlines can be quite sympathetic about changing flight dates for health issues (and "brain surgery" has a serious enough ring for them to be quite accommodating, I suspect). I've had airlines reschedule for health related reasons--both my own and my mother's--on at least four occasions, and I never so much as paid a penalty for changing the date of my flight!

Good luck sorting this out!

[calimama]

Thanks everyone who replied. This is helpful, especially in terms of showing my husband the experiences of people who have gone through this and your advice. He is super supportive and understanding, but this will help.

He talked to his parents last night and they will try to move their trip back another 2 weeks. This would put them here about 2.5 weeks after my surgery. I think this is ok as it will give me time to get out of the hospital and have my mom around a bit to help me and help with Cali during the day (as she will out of the daycare!). My mom has a nursing background and lots of energy so she will be a great help. Even if i am still struggling a bit when his parents arrive, they can pick up the slack with Cali (and the house!) and hopefully i can keep focused on me. I am glad we are into the nice weather of late spring in Toronto. Walks outside are just magic these days!

While the idea of moving surgery is an option, I am more keen to get past this than anything. It has been a long 2+ months of thinking of this day after day (and at night as i often get woken up by the baby). I would hate to defer this any more. And once summer hits, i think the doctors will be even harder to pin down. I hate to pass up the firecrackers offer though!!!

I guess in the end, much will depend on how the surgery goes, hopefully with little to no complications. I am in good health and hope to stay this way (OK, if i lose 10lbs from the surgery you will not hear me complain!!!).

Thanks guys for your insight.

[leapyrtwins]

Trish -

if you're in-laws are able to move their travel plans back two weeks, it would be very helpful.  In my experience, each day of recovery brings more improvements, so by two and 1/2 weeks post op you should be feeling much better than when you are first released from the hospital.

Jan

[calimama]

Thanks Jan, I feel better already!   

Trish

[matti]

Hi Trish - Glad to see that your in-laws are working on resheduling their trip. Having your mom there is still very important, as least for the first week. Mom's have a way of knowing what we need without us asking.

I am sure once your in-laws arrive, you will be feeling more with it, but remember not to push yourself too much, as you just had brain surgery. It sounds like they are aware of how serious this is and I bet once they get here will pitch in to help and also spoil their grandbaby

Good luck and I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

Cheryl

[Jim Scott]

Trish:

Sorry I'm late responding to this thread but you've received good advice all around.  Now for my take on your situation.

Whether your in-laws postpone their visit or you postpone your surgery, you're going to need 'down time' following surgery. Some of us were back to speed within two weeks but that time-frame cannot be guaranteed.  You may need longer. I very much hope and pray that you'll have that time because entertaining visiting in-laws that you're not all that close to, immediately following AN surgery, is fraught with possibilities for misunderstandings and conflict.  You'll either resent them for 'making' you stress yourself immediately after undergoing serious surgery and/or they'll end up resenting you for being inattentive to them.  Either way, it isn't a good situation. 

Try - as much as it depends on you - to avoid putting yourself in that kind of bind, Trish.  I know you've agonized over your surgery decision so I want to see you have a successful outcome and rapid recuperation.   That can't happen with visiting in-laws underfoot, expecting your attention.  I concur that a postponement of the visit is the best solution. The second best is to postpone the surgery.  Having the in-laws stay at a hotel while your mother stays with you is practical but is probably going to look as if your husband's parents are being slighted.  This is a bit of a hassle but if your husband can convince his parents that you're having serious surgery (you are) and will require at least a week of real rest and help when you come home from the hospital, and so, postponing their visit is really necessary and not some whim you just came up with, they may understand, even if you guys aren't all that close.  I truly hope they do.

Whatever happens, please keep us informed.  We care about you, Trish. 

Jim

[LADavid]

Trish
Not much I can add to this great advice.  From my experience, plan on nap attacks for the first few weeks.  Your body is going to be demanding rest.

Best wishes.

David

[Kaybo]

Reading between the lines, it says a lot to me that they are willing to change their trip to help accomodate you -- even if you feel you are not as "close" as you might otherwise be.  They may see the need to be there for their son and are worried about him knowing that this is a trying time for him too.  I think that it shows that, even though we all think a little more time might even be better, they are not completely selfish in coming when they want no matter what.  Just a thought...

K

[leapyrtwins]

K -

thanks for a different perspective on this problem.

Since I was the patient in my AN surgery, I just naturally responded to Trish's post from a patient's perspective.  But you are totally right - family members need support too, since someone they love is undergoing major surgery.   We shouldn't overlook the fact that those who are supporting patients, need supporting themselves. 

Jan

[sgerrard]

K, that is very nice point about their willingness to change plans. If they are like my parents, they will enjoy playing parent, however old the "children" may be. After two and a half weeks, Trish, you will be up and about at least, and they can dote on you and pamper you, right along with their grandchild. After several weeks of that, you may very well grow much closer to them than you are now. It might turn out to be a good thing!

I'm not sure anyone appreciated my math, i.e. that postponing 39 days would put the surgery on July 4, hence the fireworks reference. But the 26th is Memorial Day and my sister's birthday, and even if she is in Boston, maybe I can find something to light on fire that day. Would the grill count? 

Hope it works out, Trish.

Steve