Post op depression

[zeek]

I'm new to this forum. I wish I'd found it a long time ago. My question is this: Has anyone experianced severe depression, panic attacks, or aniexty attacks since surgery? I had an acoustic neuroma removed in Feb. and was on Hydrocodone for 2 months afterwords. I was taking varius drugs totally over 20 pills a day. They bruised a nerve in my arm, which caused nerve pain in my hand, which is slowly getting better. I decided I wanted off all drugs, so I started the two weeks of hell trying to wean myself off. I did succeed, but went thru absolute hell, even 2 weeks after I was off the drugs. I hope I never go back to that dark place again. But, I worry about it coming back. Is this normal? Dr. says I might have buried these feels about surgery so well, that now that I'm off drugs, they came to the surface. My surgery was successful, but lost hearing in one ear. Small chance of it ever coming back. I have more questions, but will ask those some other time.
Thank You.

[leapyrtwins]

Zeek -

some do experience depression post op. 

I didn't really think I did until the day my insurance company told me they'd pay for my BAHA surgery and processor.  I think being SSD as a result of the surgery just depressed the hell out of me.  When it finally became obvious that I was going to be able to do something about my SSD, it was like a fog was lifted.  I felt like I had won the lottery 

Although I didn't have severe depression, panic attacks, or anxiety attacks, I'm sure there are others who have experienced this. 

You might want to consider therapy.  I've found it very helpful for other situations in my life.

Jan

[zeek]

Thank you. I have concidered therapy if it returns, but sure hope it doesn't! I read where alot of my problem was a total loss of control in my life for the last 4 months. You, know, everything that is associated with this surgery. Testing, M.R.I's, trips to the hospital, you turn your whole life over to the doctors and nurses, family, ect. It gets to be to much after awhile. And if your used to being in control of your business, personal life, ect. it's even worse. You just feel like, Am I ever going to be in control of my life ever again? But, time does help.

[leapyrtwins]

Zeek -

I know the feeling.  I think lots of us experience this same thing from the time we are diagnosed until many months after treatment.  You're not that far post op; give it some time. 

I hate not being in control - it really frustrates me.  Guess that would make me a control freak    I'm slowly learning to chill out and just deal with things as they come - I think that was one of the lessons having an AN taught me.

Try to remember that there is life after an AN.

You'll get there,

Jan 

[sgerrard]

Hi Zeek,

Yes, there is a sense of "when it rains, it pours." I found it very annoying when the dentist recently decided I had a small cavity that needed filling - yet another appointment, another treatment, another billing. Come on, when will it all end?

Of course, getting a cavity filled at the dentist is just normal life. It just seems like piling on, given what you have gone through before. I think we sometimes imagine that once the AN is over, life should be magically serene and delightful, when of course it is full of all the usual traffic jams and other annoyances of every day life.

You just have to get used to it all over again.

Steve

[cherrypiper]

first of all welcome zeek . glad to see another newbie as they call us   

i had depression B4 i went in. had it for years. and as that last week went b4 i too was wondering how it wouild be, what my life would be like next , etc etc.

im an Engineer by trade and now i teach college so control is something im all about,

BUT i knew best to let the Dr.s , nurses, and my wonderful DW help me.

I cant say i had any more issues with depression after my surgery 5 months ago. When i have had those kinda twinges i know what to do with them.

and i'll add my 2 cents worth on the therapy, sometimes for me it helps to just talk about all this with someone. b4 the depression gets there.

Hang in there 

[tony]

Yes - use the search function and seek "depression"
there are several topics that would be of assistance to you
Best Regards
Tony

[Debbi]

Hi Zeek-

I would also add that just the process of weening yourself off those heavy-duty pain meds may contribute to depression.  Gvie yoruself some time, nourish your body, and try to spend some time outside in the sun every day (it really helps fight off temporary depression.)  And, of course, don't hesitate to seek therapy - like Jan, I  am a proponent.

Be well, Zeek.

Debbi

[Jim Scott]

Hi, Zeek and welcome:

I'm sorry to learn of your post-op depression.  Obviously, the prescription medications played a part but now that you're off them you're in a much better place.  Bravo to you for weaning yourself off the meds - and going through 'hell' in order to do so.  That shows real motivation and the character to follow through to completion in a very tough situation.   You're probably a lot stronger than you think.

Like you and many others, I'm used to being in control of my life.  I do what I want, when I want, the way I want to do it.  I'm a list maker and get antsy when things on my list aren't  being completed.  However, that all went out the window as soon as I received my AN diagnosis (see my signature).  Like everyone else, I began a round of doctor visits, innumerable, sometimes invasive tests and a complete upheaval of my normal routine.  I hated it.  Yet, I went along and didn't complain much (outwardly) because I realized I had a serious problem that had to be addressed and these were the things I had to do.  My wife (God bless her) pretty much took over a lot of things.  I almost resented it at first, but thanked her later.  The surgery went well (no complications) and my recovery was rapid and near-total within weeks.  Three months later, I underwent pre-scheduled FSR treatments, 26 in all, given on a daily basis, Monday through Friday.  They involved a 60-mile round trip each day (I drove) and were tedious but not painful.  I suffered no ill effects.  I was finally finished in October, 2006.  I've been pretty well recovered for most of a year but notice I'm even a little better (balance, especially) today, near two years after my surgery.  There really is a 'light at the end of the (AN) tunnel'. 

I'm not a doctor or psychiatrist, but I believe that, barring chemical imbalances or other influences outside of our control, we make our own reality and decide, every morning, how we'll 'feel' or what kind of mood we'll be in, today.  If we allow the negative in our lives - and we all have to deal with that in some form or other -  we'll generally be depressed and negative.  It doesn't have to be that way.  Therapy may ultimately be useful for you but I trust that, as you noted, time does help heal more than just our incision site.  Little by little, you'll see yourself regaining control of your life again and eventually, leaving your 'AN experience' behind.  I only ask that, as you look at it in the rear-view mirror of your life that you remember the folks here that, once you're totally well, could use your input and encouragement. 

Thanks. 

Jim

[zeek]

Thank all of you for your good advice. I want to post some more questions soon as I get a little more time. See you all later.

[Debbi]

I'm not a doctor or psychiatrist, but I believe that, barring chemical imbalances or other influences outside of our control, we make our own reality and decide, every morning, how we'll 'feel' or what kind of mood we'll be in, today.  If we allow the negative in our lives - and we all have to deal with that in some form or other -  we'll generally be depressed and negative.  It doesn't have to be that way.  Therapy may ultimately be useful for you but I trust that, as you noted, time does help heal more than just our incision site.  Little by little, you'll see yourself regaining control of your life again and eventually, leaving your 'AN experience' behind.  I only ask that, as you look at it in the rear-view mirror of your life that you remember the folks here that, once you're totally well, could use your input and encouragement. 

Jim, these are such wise words and thank you so much for stating this in such an elegant and clear way.  I am such a huge believer in the power of our own thoughts, but I doubt I could have stated this any better than you.  This really touches me - thank you.

Debbi

[Lainie181818]

Hi Zeek,
I am 2 years post op and in the first 9 months I crashed big time with deep depression twice. I was/am an independent control freak who didn't like relying on someone to help me. I stopped eating, couldn't get out of bed, shower and basically couldn't function. I lost 25lb and was just not expecting this to be part of the "recovery" I have since learnt that while this does not happen to everyone, it is not that unusual. My Dr certainly didn't say anything and I think it would have helped me if he had. I was also dealing with a lot of other big losses at the same time, so looking back try not take on other stressful situations. My husband a pilot is more of a control freak and just couldn't relate to my depression I finally went into councelling in fact we both did as AN was taking us both down with it. The first therapist told me to remove all the mirrors in my house, wear a big hat and scarf outside, and leave my husband. I decided to leave her. The 2nd therapist was great and also with the help of  medication. i started to recover. Now to all of you Tom Cruises out there. I am NOT advocating medication, but it helped me, and sometimes Positive thinking alone just does not crack it. Now 2 years later I am much more accepting of my situation. I wake up in the morning and my crooked face is not the first thing I think about. Do I prefer the new me, Hell no, but life goes on. I am still feeling and seeing improvements 2 years on, so don't listen when your Dr tells you after the first year thats it, you will not improve. It is such a shame that we do not have more resources available concerning AN's. We have this great website and hope that our Dr will not just send us home from hospital and tell us " we will be back to normal " in a few weeks.
Good luck
Lainie.

[zeek]

Thank God for this wonderful web site! This support is great. My situation was this. I'm a middle aged single man, who discoved I did have a AN. I thought, O.K. lets get it on and over with. They tried once, but beofre they could operate they had trouble, so it was rescheduled for a month later. I was very lucky. I was in I.C.U. 6 days, then home.Operation lasted 13 hours! I did have a stroke face for about a month. And vision problems, but it went away to. I was walking and driving in no time. I was gung ho! But I soon found my limits. It's been 3 months and I still am not suppose to lift anything. Do you fully understand why? I don't. I thought I had the depression thing wipped, but I don't know for sure. In the evenings sometimes I still feel down. Tonight is one of those. So, if I was to pycho analize myself, I would say that I'm worried about being almost 50, and I've allready done, and seen everything in this world that I'm interested in, and can't get excited about anything anymore. Nothing to look forward to. I guess the operation opened my mind in a bad way. Now, I don't know how to get back to my old happy self. On another subject, I never had headaches before or after surgery, but the last couple of nights I have. Any ideas? Tylenol wipes it out.

[leapyrtwins]

Zeek -

Unfortunately I don't have any advice on the headaches, I don't experience them; didn't before my surgery either. 

I can relate to some of the things you are going through.  I'm mid-aged myself, single - but with 2 kids to support.  I don't want to lecture you, but I just can't relate when you say you have nothing to get excited about, and feel you've seen and done it all.  You're not even 50 yet!  You have lots of years ahead of you.  Go out and live life! Take up a sport, join a book club or another group; get out there Zeek!  Maybe you could volunteer your time to a worthwhile cause - it costs nothing and would expose you to a whole new group of people.

If you need something to look forward to, just stop by this forum and read and post, it might make you happy to be more involved here.  Also, you can look forward to the 2009 ANA Symposium in Chicago.  There should be a lot of AN patients present and you will be able to meet many of us who can relate to what you've been through.  Heck, I'll even buy you a drink - alcoholic or not - just don't tell Lori - or Steve 

I don't understand why you can't lift anything after 3 months    Is this just your doctor's policy?  I had this restriction post op, but it was nowhere near 3 months.  I don't recall off hand how long it was, but I'm sure it wasn't more than 4-6 weeks.  Maybe you should check with your doctor.

Jan

[zeek]

ANA symposium? Interesting. Didn't know there was such a thing. I am not to lift anything over 10# until I have an M.R.I. in August. Something about the electro something or other in my brain are trying to reconnect? And straining would interfer with that somehow.
As far as being bored or whatever you want to call it, I take a nice trip every summer, and every winter. I've been in all but 5 states of the U.S.A. The carribean, Mexico. I have not been over seas, but don't know if I really want to. Since I'm a bachelor, and self employed, I can pretty much go when I want. I know, I'm spoiled. Maybe that's part of the problem. Isn't life funny? My old friends and classmates all got married and had familys. I stayed single. Now who's got all there marbles and who doesn't? ha! A wife and kids must do something to the brain to keep one sane.