Advice for caregivers?

[Tamara]

Fellow Forumites,

  I was wondering if you could give my husband some advice or thoughts on what to expect when I have surgery next month?  I know there's a lot of advice out here but it's sort of scattered, and I thought it would be nice if there is one thread that he could read.

  Also, I found a terrific way to not be nervous or concerned about surgery:  schedule your life so full of activities and responsibilities that you don't have time to worry   Works for me - I suddenly thought yesterday, "Oh yeah, I guess that's in a month now"  Left to go before surgery is a large youth dance event that I've been planning for this Friday, my older son's Eagle Scout Court of Honor, and my younger son's 8th grade graduation.  Oh yes, and going to Six Flags to ride on all the wildest rides I can find!  That ought to keep me busy!

Tamara

[cherrypiper]

well i would imagine he is going to have a easier time with you then my wife had with me  LOL 

shes 5"2 i'm 6'2' and 227 after the surgery. lost 17 pounds while in the hospital.

i was very unbalanced. she had to help me everywhere. Her and my daughter helped me up to the 2nd floor apartment we have

Getting me in and out of the bath tube was impossible unless i crawled out. so that was out.

i slept the whole first day i got home. next day was a little better. soft foods like mashed taters, puddings, small amounts of water, kool aid, coffee also.

that was pretty much the routine for a week or so. sleeping moving around the apartment as much as possible leaning on walls taking it slow.

Hope that helps some . and Good luck on your surgery let us know how it goes.

mine was 5 cm by 3 cm and i was in operation about 5 1/2 hours and hospital stay was only 4 days.

Steve W Houston

[jtd71465]

My surgery was 3.5 hours long, but I'm glad my wife was able to take time off (6 weeks) from work to be with me at home.  I really only needed her for the first 2 weeks, recovery seemed faster once my stiches got removed.

Take it easy.  I must admitt I feel fortunate that my recovery was relatively easy, doing my work from home started at about day 5 and I returned to work at the end of February / beginning of March (1/10/07 ws my surgery date). 

I think that most on this forum that have had surgery will tell you that the two toughest parts of recovery are (1) the first 2-3 weeks (2) once at 90% abck to "normal" trying to "regain" that last 10%.

Joe-

[Jim Scott]

Hi, Tamara:

I would prepare your husband for a long surgery, at least 8 hours and quite possibly longer.  That means a long wait for him. You'll be very sleepy and only nominally responsive right after surgery but you'll be more alert as the days go by.  If you have no complications, you should be out of the hospital within 4 or 5 days.  Wear sunglasses on the ride home and expect to feel a bit 'whoozy'.  Treat yourself to a favorite food when you are released.  Hospital food is something you eat out of sheer necessity (sometimes not even then).  Having something you like is a kind of reward and celebration of sorts, so do it if you can.  I did. 

Once home, you'll be exhausted and will need frequent naps and lots of rest-time for the first week.  If you do well, you'll be up to some short walking attempts outside but nothing too strenuous.  You should be up to a 'chaperoned' outside excursion within a week.  A fairly slight exertion will probably tire you.  The good news is that you'll likely feel a bit better - and stronger - with every passing day.

Unless he can afford to hire a temporary housekeeper or you have a lot of very willing friends and/or relatives that are anxious to help, you won't be cooking meals, doing laundry, grocery shopping or house cleaning for a few weeks.  I suggest you stock up on groceries and - if he doesn't know already - show him how to use the washer/dryer and how to fold clothes.  I'm serious.  Basically, you'll be 'functional' but 'off duty' for awhile and you shouldn't try to push yourself too hard the first few weeks after your surgery.  Bedridden?  Absolutely not.  However, you won't be up to a lot of physical stuff.  Your body will need time to heal and adjust.  Give it that time.  Your husband can help by taking over or delegating chores and 'duties' you usually take care of.  Remind him that its temporary.  I'm sure he'll appreciate you all the more when you're back up to speed, physically. 

Keeping busy pre-surgery is a good plan but try not to live in fear of the surgery.  It's serious but many of us have been through it and are fine, now.  You will be too, Tamara.  Enjoy your Six Flags outing and all the wild rides.  Tell us about it, later.  Thanks.

Jim

[Debbi]

HI Tamara-

I am just at week two post surgery now - so from where I sit...  It has been wonderful having my parents here.  I doubt I would have been able to manage cooking or much of anything the first week.  And, I had to have my husband help me with showering for the first few days (not that he was compaining!)  I am not quite up to cooking yet, but close (and only if it is something simple).
Today was the first day I felt comfortable taking a short walk without an "escort" and I am not really driving yet, certainly not alone. 

All that being said, I expect that by the end of the weekend, I'll be pretty well able to fend for myself.  Each day does get easier, and routine tasks are less daunting.

So, that's all a long way of saying - you'll go at your own pace, but you'll probalby feel better having someone to help out the first few weeks.  For me, it is just really been nice knowing that if I have some sort of problem, there's someone here to help.  If my parents had not been able to stay, I know my husband would have taken additional time off.

Hope this helps.

Debbi - napping in NJ

[lori67]

Tamara -

Just some other things to think about - I found a shower bench to be helpful.  I was still a little dizzy, and trying to move my head to rinse shampoo out made that worse.  It was nice to be able to sit down and not worry about falling.  Of course, my husband didn't trust leaving me alone in there either, so I had an audience of him and my two little ones.  No privacy after surgery...

The other thing I found helpful was to make some meals ahead of time and freeze them so I didn't have to worry about my family eating - or not eating - when I wasn't up to cooking.

I also made sure I had jello and ginger ale in the house for when I came home, since it usually takes my stomach a little while to get over the anaesthesia and feel like having real food in it.

Jim, that is a wonderful idea about teaching husbands how to work the washer/dryer - but Tamara said her surgery is THIS month.. not next year!   

Have fun at 6 flags and all the special occasions you have coming up!

[leapyrtwins]

Tamara -

I think Jim covered just about everything in his response, and what he didn't cover Debbi and Lori did 

Tiredness, balance issues, maybe dizziness, will most likely be your biggest issues.  You also will have restrictions for a little while - maybe not climbing long flights of stairs, definitely not lifting heavy things, not being able to bend at your waist, not driving for a period of time.  You'll be unsteady on your feet until your body adapts and you'll lack energy.  You won't feel horrible, you'll just feel somewhat incapacitated for a couple of weeks.

Having someone to cook, clean, do laundry, and drive for you will be very helpful.  Also, if you have children, I'd recommend having someone with you to take care of them.  The more your husband can do the better.  If he can be home with you for the first week, that would be wonderful.  If he can't, I'd think about having someone else with you.  After the first week, things generally get better.  You will still be recovering, but IMO there is no reason you can't be left on your own.

Like, Lori, I was unsteady in the shower the first couple of times, but I just held onto the wall - thankfully I didn't have an audience, but the first time or two my mother stood outside the door     My biggest shower issue post op was having shampoo get into my eyes.  I forgot about my new balance issues and when I closed my eyes, I almost fell over.  Someone recommended baby shampoo post op and it's a great idea.

Jan

[Debbi]

I second the baby shampoo thing.  I couldn't close my eye (still can't) so shampoo in the eye was a biggee.

I'll add one other thing, too - if you'fe having the complimentary "lipo" from the belly, bring very loose fitting pants or hip huggers (yea, I'm dating myself) because you don't want anything touching that incision.  I have been wearing yoga pants with the roll-down waste for the last 10 days - only thing that does't rub! 

Debbi - relearning the basics in NJ...

[Tamara]

Thanks for the replies thus far.  Actually, I've hired a cleaning woman to come in twice, and have hired a neighbor to come in 2 hours/day and work with my disabled daughter.  My husband and sons (16 and 13) are actually quite useful, and are good for taking care of my daughter, cooking (though my MIL, SIL and friend are planning to deluge us with food ) and doing laundry.

And actually, I'm not overbooking my life because of the upcoming surgery - that's just how things are lately!

Thanks again!
Tamara

[Glenda]

Hi Tamara,

Your AN is the same size as mine was when I was diagnosed in Jan.  I am having another MRI in July to see if any growth.  Where are you having your surgery done? What are your symptoms?  I am waiting and watching until I have the second MRI.  My husband is scheduled for a major surgery on June 6,  so we have that to get through and then see what I will need to do.  I will be watching your progress with great interest since your situation is so similar to mine.  I will be praying that everything goes well with your surgery and that you come through with flying colors better than ever 

Glenda

[leapyrtwins]

Tamara -

when the cleaning lady's done at your house, can she come to mine?

Word has it that the ANA is now providing an airplane for the moderators.  Maybe if I talk really nice to Phyl, she'll agree to let the cleaning lady use it free of charge 

Seriously, it sounds like you have your bases covered and everything should run smoothly during your hospitalization and recovery at home.  I'm sure your husband and sons will take excellent care of you!

Your "fellow forumite" Jan

[zeek]

I was very blessed to have family, friends, and neihbors when I got home. I drove my 2 sisters nuts though. I was up all night with pain, couldn't lie anyway that was comfortable. I was on the phone in the middle of the night with the hospital. Had to take 23 pills day, and they had to keep that straight in the middle of the night. One poor sister left after 2 days. She couldn't wait to get the heck out of there! I don't blame her. Friends brought so much food, we couldn't eat it all. People volunterred, and helped out tremendusly. I hope you have that support network also. I'm a big man to, and was a little unsteady plus, being so doped up, but never fell. I think your biggest problem will be getting sleep, and keeping your energy up. Good luck!

[er]

Good luck Tamara,

It sounds like every one has covered all the bases. My surgery also took 8 hours. What was nice when I was able to move around  a young nurse help me wash my hair, it sure would have been nice if I would have taken my own shampoo and cream rinse. I could not have done it with out the nurse. Oh and ever chance i got walks around the hall way to learn to keep my balance. My husband that is retired & my mother in law helped me out with everything when I got home. They were a blessing.
eve

[cmp]

this is a wonderful thread! I think I will sit my DH down to read it tonight...

Also, it's great that you're keeping busy, Tamara, and congrats on your sons' accomplishments!

I find that I'm needing to do the opposite--scale down on my usual flurry of activity (this has been a particularly BAD year for me, with very little R & R...  ). In between efforts to get organized for the surgery and its aftermath, I am taking time for myself in a way that I haven't done in months and months. (For one thing, everytime there is a beautiful spring day, I go out for a LONG walk just before dinner, in addition to my morning workout--I feel like being as fit as possible is a plus right now, and filling my head with the image of flowering trees seems a very healthy thing to do!)

Whatever you can do to maintain perspective is the way to go, and definitely lining up support,, as you have, is a must.

Enjoy those thrill rides--you may not be up to them again for a little while!

[lori67]

Yes, the merry-go-round will become a thrill ride for a while!  It sure was for me!   

Lori