Another question

[zeek]

I know we've talked about this before, but I just can't seem to shake this up one night, down the next. This evening I went to a party. It was in a  room that was so loud I could not stand it. I wasn't the only one either. AS soon as I ate, I had to get out of there. Now as I stated in here before, it's been Late Feb since my surgery, and 5 weeks since I've been off all drugs. I will have several evenings that go well, then one like tonight that doesn't. I have a feeling come over me that just keeps me down, until it passes. I don't care how busy I am either. I've been very busy, but things just keep on my mind.
I would think that my mind would be clear, and back to normal by now. I've done everything I can think of to snap out of it and get with the program. If this keeps up, I think I might have to see a therapist. We have had beautiful weather, finnally. I was blaming my problems on that. I have no finnancial worrys. Things are going good. So why am I having these down periods always in the evening. Also, my migrane headaches have returned after many years of being gone. Always during the night.

[lori67]

Hi Zeek.

I went through a similar period of time last year.  My surgery was in February of last year.  I had a very hard time at parties, Sam's Club, the indoor pool at the YMCA - anything where the noise level was high and it all seemed to be echoing.  It got to the point where I'd just avoid those situations because I always left feeling very depressed.  I'm not sure if you have the SSD or not, but I know that was most of my problem - adjusting to it.  I have to say that now, I'm okay at most things - Sam's Club is good, the YMCA is fine.  I do still have some problems in social situations where I need to actually converse with people since that requires you to actually hear them!  I've just gotten used to positioning myself so my good ear is towards the important things and just letting people know up front that I am deaf on the right side.

When I asked my doctor about these ups and downs and mood swings he said it was a totally normal reaction to a totally abnormal situation (brain surgery).  I think he was right - I mean who wouldn't have some down days after having brain surgery, losing your hearing and your facial function, etc?  It just takes a while to adjust to these changes, so hopefully, when you do, the down days will become less and less.  In the mean time, I think you have to take whatever positive steps it takes to help you to get through it, if that's therapy, medication, exercise, a vacation (now that sounds good).. whatever works for you.


Good luck to you!
Lori

[sgerrard]

Hi Zeek,

I agree with Lori, do what you need to do. If seeing a therapist will help, by all means do that. There is no stigma in seeking help when something ails you.

It occurs to me that you might be experiencing mental fatigue. This is not the same as physical fatigue, where your body feels tired. When  the brain gets tired of trying to sort out all the noise, adjust to changed nerves, and deal with recovery from surgery, it can protest in the form of headaches and/or feeling crummy. Your capacity or threshold for mental stress may well be lower now, and if so, that is something you may have to get used to. I know my brain needs to take more breaks now - since I work as a computer programmer, it becomes obvious pretty quickly. The fact that your symptoms crop up at the end of the day points in this direction.

In addition to therapy, medication, exercise, and a vacation, you might also try taking a nap every day. I have learned to sneak a little one in while sitting at my desk at work - but don't tell anyone. 

Hope you find your way.

Steve

[er]

Hello Zeek,

I try not to put myself in situations that I am going to be in a small crowed room with all the person talking. Because of our single sided hearing one ear can not stops us in filtering out all the noises.
I was in a situation last year like your self , it was a birthday party ,people I didn't know were sitting at other side of me. My friends hadn't gotten there yet because one of the girls was the birthday girl and it was a surprise. These people didn't know my problem and I didn't volunteer it. Because of all the pollution of noise I got up and started living in tears my husband didn’t even see me walk off. At that time  my friends started coming in. They were upset that I was living, I explain about the noise  , the room started spinning and my balance was off. They were very understand because they knew  my problem. Thank goodness for goodfriends.  I really got depressed over problems like that. But things did get better. I've learn if I can not do it I just walk off, or explain ,sorry but the noise factor really makes my brain wacko and I can not hear  talk softer or one at a time and they are all understanding.
I sure hope this help.
eve
 

[sgerrard]

Zeek,

Someone just posted again in the Anti Depressants topic, and it caught my attention. You might take a look at it, in case you think you are the only one - it is 3 and a half pages, and reads like a who's who of this forum. Plus there are many comments on all the different types. It gives me comfort just reading it.

http://anausa.org/forum/index.php?topic=5741.0

Steve

[4cm in Pacific Northwest]

ZEEK,

I would try to see if there is a really good person you could talk to first- before you go the pharmaceutical route. This is such an overmedicated country. Antidepressant do have their place –but there are other things you should try first.

Is there a buddy you can talk to?
How about pastor?
A counselor? (These do not always have to be psychiatrists etc)

Know that coming home from social functions and being wiped out is not abnormal for post AN treatment folks. I was gone with my 2 kids shopping for 6 hours today - and I came home drained (canned music in the backgrounds, fans, commercial air conditioning systems… oy ya ya) I crashed on top of the bed before dinner. During the dinner we sat on the patio where sound resonates. I excused myself from the table and came into a quiet room with my laptop and the door closed. I would not say that I am depressed but certainly over stimulated as my snipped vestibular nerve is ringing like crazy from all the acoustic stimulus of the day.

I used to be a big connoisseur of classical & jazz music… however I cannot tolerate the base sounds as these resonate in the dead ear… I have slowly adapted and changed my lifestyle to not include always having the stereo going. There is a natural grieving process as we have had to let go of some things we used to do (and enjoy) - simply to cope. It is important to allow yourself time to grieve some of these losses.

I personally am finding other things now- that give me pleasure. The first 6 months post surgery were tough.

I was thinking about the coastal trip you described in another post. I think being in a convertible car will be a killer for my tinnitus. I have to wear and earplug when I drive… I cannot think of all that wind going past my ear to then ring in the dead one. But to feel the ocean breeze on my face- that is wonderful. There is a balance. Try to think of the environments and situations that bring you the most comfort – and place yourself in those – rather than the uncomfortable ones. Take control of how you spend your time.

You have had some experiences recently that had you in a position of feeling powerless (this started once the put the anesthesia IV in your arm, then the pain killers etc.) What can you do to empower yourself to keep moving forward?

HUGS

Daisy Head Mazy

[Boppie]

Zeek, When we lose part of ourselves, there is depression and anger to deal with.  You've lost your hearing, your ability to be in noisey stimulating company.  I thing talk therapy would help a lot.  Even best friends can wear down if we talk too long.  But a weekly visit to a therpist can do wonders.  Their fees are not that bad.  I am not referring to a full psychiatric treatment, just some talk therapy concerning post trauma stress.  Pick a woman or a man which ever seems the best for you.  You will be impressed with the insights these professionals can bring out for you.  A regular GP would be the one to ask for chemical help but you probably can get through without it unless you aren't sleeping. 

[leapyrtwins]

Zeek -

IMO you should definitely look into therapy - something like Boppie describes - before going on meds.  Sometimes you just need to talk to someone to get things off your chest and to find a new perspective on life. 

You have been through a lot recently and there have been changes in your life that you are adjusting to; it's very common to feel overwhelmed, depressed, out of sorts, etc.  Don't be too hard to yourself; your surgery was just a few months ago and things take time.

I also think a vacation would do you good.  Sometimes just a change of scenery or routine works wonders.  If you can't take time away from your job right now, call in sick one day and do something fun.

Hang in there,

Jan 

[Kaybo]

Zeek~
 There is certainly nothing wrong with seeking advice from someone else - whether it be someone you pay or not.  Like everone has said, this is a long journey and it takes a while to get though it to a place where YOU feel comfortable in the new skin you've been given!!  I think I got pregnant too soon and I had a stroke and other complications, but people always ask me how long it took me to recover and I have to say it took about 3-4 YEARS to get where I am today.  In my case, that was mostly PHYSICAL ( & I am a pretty active girl!), but just to tell you that to say it takes us all different times...Hang in there!  The fact that you are even questioning it and WANT to get better speaks volumes to me about the fact that you WILL kick this - probably sooner rather than later!

I like Jan's idea - take a day to do something FUN for YOU!!!

K

[Jim Scott]

Hi, Zeek:

As is to be expected, you've already received some astute observations and sound advice here, not the least of which is to seriously consider therapy for your intermittent bouts of depression.  Ultimately, you may find that a prescription drug is indicated but until then, I wouldn't assume that. 

I would also suggest that perhaps you're harboring some unrealistic expectations regarding your recovery.  Yes, you did well initially but AN surgery is not like having a gall bladder removed, where you go through the surgery, heal up and forget about it.   Frankly, Zeek, I kind of felt that way too at first but soon realized that a successful surgical outcome and rapid recovery - both of which I enjoyed - is not the whole story.  Your negative response to crowded rooms and the accompanying noise is not unusual.  Although I never had that experience, others have...many others.  Two years post-op, I still have one or two very minor 'reminders' of my AN (one occasionally dry eye and a small 'numb' spot on my tongue) and probably will for a long time to come.  I've learned to basically absorb these slight deficiencies into my self-image, so that they don't become too important.  Considering the problems some post-op AN patients have to endure, I consider myself extremely fortunate.  I think you are, too.  You just have to learn to appreciate that fact and perhaps a professional counselor or therapist can help you do that.  I hope that is the case as you have a lot to feel good about and I hate to see another ANer who has enjoyed a relatively good outcome be depressed.  I trust you'll handle this in the way best for you, Zeek, but don't let it slide.  You don't have to feel this way.  If you need help, get help.  I would.  Meanwhile, we're here for you to the extent we can help via electronic messages on your computer.  Many people are praying for and thinking  of you, Zeek.  You're far from alone with this and we all wish you a totally good recovery, which I think you'll have.  Remember, time does heal. 

Jim    

[leapyrtwins]

Zeek -

Jim has an excellent point.  AN surgery can have lingering effects.  I'm almost 1 year post op (YEAH  ) and although I say I have no lasting effects other than my SSD, that isn't entirely true 

Some days I still have a dry eye or a dry mouth.  Some days I notice my balance is a little off.  For the most part, I'm great, but I'm not always 100%.

Give yourself some time and cut yourself a little slack.  Things will work out.  Get help if you need it.

Jan

[Kaybo]

Zeek~
I have to chime in with Jim & Jan -- I guess a lot of people would say that I have had a pretty crummy AN experience and I do have a LOT of lingering effects (that aren't necessarily going to get better at this point!) but I'm trying to make the best of it.  I try NOT to dwell on things...and try NOT to blame the AN -- it is just how I am!     Take me or leave me!!  LOL!!

K

[cherrypiper]

well zeek< im just 5 1/2 moths past my AN. and what Lori just shared is dang near Exactly what my GP and my therapist said to me last month.

this  may not be life threatening surgery for most of us, BUT it is major surgery, brain type.

and its going to take awhile for all this "stuff" to go thru and for us to be better. that includes for me the mental aspects too. i get so tired . i wasnt this tired before surgery. so why should i be now??  LOL

cause i had brain surgery   LOL...........

hang in there zeek...........

[zeek]

Thanks again to all of you. Just a few comments: My doctors just haven't acted like there is much of a mental thing connected with all of this. They just say, here's some drugs for depression. That's how I got hooked on them, until I got myself off. I think the idea of mental fatigue is probably correct. And I do have a vacation planned now in August with a friend going along. Before my first attempted surgery in January, I took a nice vacation by myself to Mexico. Had a wonderful time, and I knew I was going in for surgery to. I drank, swam, walked, ate, shopped, cruised. No problems then.
I did have a major blow & surprise personally, and business wise back in Dec. but seemed to handle it well. (Maybe to well ?) I have a brother that suffered major panic attacks, and is now on meds for it. I also had major panic attacks, but since I got OFF drugs, not on, they went away. So, for me, if I did go for therapy, I would be apposed to drugs for myself. Again, when you mentioned mental fatigue, that's the only time I heard a possible reason why I only get down between the hours of 5pm & 8pm no other time. I now need to go to that depression site you mentioned.

[4cm in Pacific Northwest]

Zeek,

Up until now I had not realized that the physician actually put you on antidepressants - post surgery. Now you are off of these- no wonder you are crashing … Did you wean yourself abruptly or gradually? Know that your brain chemistry was altered and this will take time to get back to normal. These mood altering pharmaceuticals can also magnify anxiety.

Lifestyle
I am suggesting that you get your self on a strict routine of a good healthy diet of small and frequent nutritious wholesome meals. Be sure to get at least 20 minutes of aerobic exercise a day. Do not exercise if you are tense or anxious as this can cause injury. If you are having tension issues – try progressive relaxation.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Progressive_relaxation

It would be interesting to observe if this helps you with the migraines at all. (Let is know)

When I read this,
    "I only get down between the hours of 5pm & 8pm no other timeâ€?

…the first thing that comes to my mind is blood sugar.

The what, how and when of your eating habits can have a huge bearing on this. Also on your exercise program time vs. how hungry you are while doing so.

Have you ever discussed this with your PCP? Have you ever met with a nutritionist (dietician) or personal trainer?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nutritionist
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dietician
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Personal_trainer

(Some health insurance plans actually pay for this of your PCP refers you)

I read this in another one of your posts

“I'm now down to 250�


I am not sure of your height and what you did to go “down� in pounds. Nutrition could have a huge bearing on your mood. To be healthy at this weight you would have to be over 6 ft tall.

We are all here listening to you. We care and are giving you feedback. Know that I am NOT a physician only a patient who is having success with combating the depressing part of having gone through the whole AN removal rigmarole. When the pollen count is high I do take the odd antihistamines (which BTW can be depressants) but otherwise I am currently drug and pharmaceutical free… and this is even with the facial nerve damage issues. Channeling my frustrations into disciplining myself into a good exercise program (I power walk and do balance manipulative on a palates ball), cutting down on caffeine intake ... and I am very adamant about meal schedules and nutritious food within the family. What a difference this has made.

Not everyone may have these results- but one has to least ask themselves, honestly, if they have a healthy lifestyle- or not. (I was raised in Canada and I am raising my own kids in the USA. Their health and fitness influences and educational health curriculum is weak compared to what I had in school – so I fill in the gaps in teaching them this)

Kids in B.C. Canada cannot even get their high school diploma without having completed a personal planning course where they actually have to write exams about health, nutrition and lifestyle plus demonstrate the learning outcomes. This is not happening in the schools here in the USA… I have seen the health curriculum here- it is SO sad.

There are tons of diet books and other junky self help books out there. Many of these are so dangerous. Not to mention snake oil sales people trying to sell you wellness in a diet, a pill or an outrageously priced fitness club membership.

I know of a real easy reading book that will introduce you to the basic concepts- and  is available in almost any public library

Health & Healing, The Natural Way "Eating for Good Health" (Publisher- readers digest)
Shine, Patricia (editor)

Links on the book to see the cover and read more
http://www.biblio.com/details.php?dcx=74678391&aid=frg
&
http://www.alibris.com/booksearch.detail?S=R&bid=9246489198&cm_mmc=shopcompare-_-base-_-aisbn-_-na
&
http://www.keenerbooks.com/?page=shop/flypage&product_id=11360&CLSN_1715=12087621821715d0bb82b541aba63934


Let’s try all these things first before you go the pharmaceutical route. However if you feel that you are in a “clinical depressive� state
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clinical_depression
...then pharmaceuticals s “may� help you through this hurdle if you cannot do this with lifestyle changes and/or a good counselor or buddy to talk to.

HUGS

Daisy Head Mazy