Am I depressed? Or is this normal?

[MAlegant]

So, here's a new (but probably not so new) thread:

Am I depressed?  What IS my problem?  Did any of you experience this?  The time between diagnosis and surgery was relatively short.  I just kept my eye on the goal made decisions and plans and worried about my son and husband, not to mention my mother and few others.  I don't think I took the time to actually think about this and the gravity of the situation.  Because I have a few lingering problems, it's been even harder to get back to myself and I find myself thinking about this a little too much.  It's like just now I realized that I had brain surgery and am really scared.  Anyone else or should I get into therapy as quickly as possible?
Marci

[Syl]

Marci,

Your surgery was 2 1/2 wks ago. You are still healing and will be healing for a while. This is where I bring up that thing about patience. 

I, unlike you, had the advantage of time pre-surgery to think about the risks and possibilities and prepared myself mentally for any possible outcome. Your situation offered you much less time to prepare yourself mentally. It's ok to feel scared because you did have brain surgery.

I myself think about what I just went through. It was major surgery, and I remind myself that I made out really well, esp. since it wasn't a malignant tumor. I also try to focus on the day to day improvements and milestones, such as when I was able to whistle again or when I hung up my cane. Try to focus on the good and rehabilitate the lingering issues. Don't forget to think about your needs and ask for hellp.

I hope it isn't depression, but if you feel these negative thoughts lingering, there is nothing wrong with seeking help for depression. Remember that in order to heal, you need to keep a positive outlook and I would hate to have your healing process disrupted.

Syl

[MAlegant]

Hi Syl and thanks,
If it's possible than I'm both keeping a positive attitude and just trying to process what's happened.  Hopefully they are not mutually exclusive! And I do have a great former therapist that I can go to, but first I have to try to get through it. If not, I'll call her without a second thought.
Marci

[LADavid]

Marci

Yes I did go into a period of depression -- of course a lot of that could have been due to the fact that it was raining for two months and I was trapped inside my apartment.

Actually, there is a clinical reason for post-surgery depression.  I am sure there is someone better versed with it than I am but I do remember reading about it.  I believe it has something to do with the build-up to the actual surgery and the axiety and adreniline and preparation -- then suddenly it's gone -- you survived and now you see it's time to move on with your life.  As a friend of my cynically put it, you become old news.  A pre-op high and a post-op survior blah.  Sort of like taking a vacation with the planning and packing and preparation and finally you're there but just as fast, you're back home to normal life.

But let me say this -- I don't know you.  That is a pretty general clinical reason.  If you think that could be it, fine.  But if it's worse than that you may first want to check with your PCP.  As I have found out, my brain didn't like being disturbed and is still throwing a tantrum.  Maybe the same thing happened to you to throw your chemicals out of whack.  Just some thought.

Hope you're feeling better.  By the way, I'm running 8 miles with my daughter on Saturday for our Half training.

David

[MAlegant]

Hi David,
Thanks, I really don't know what's going on but it could be the let-down thing.  Also, I'm beginning to see friends and colleagues and it's a little overwhelming.  Some of my dear friends I'm totally ok with but others seem to be watching to see if I'm really me after brain surgery. You know, like in "Regarding Henry"?  I figure since you're an actor you'll have seen the movie, maybe.... And I can't blame the weather, it's been beautiful.  Maybe I'm just a little afraid that I'm not quite me either.   Sorry, I'm really not as gloomy as I seem, just a high-strung musician. Oh wait, isn't that similar to actors???
Marci

[MAlegant]

I'll bet that not running for over 3 weeks after running regularly for over 20 years has something to do with my fine state of mind as well.
And good luck in that half.
M

[sgerrard]

I think the answer is more like "you are depressed, and that is normal." Not that I'm calling you names or anything.

If you have clinical depression, you should certainly seek help, but that seems unlikely given your participation in this forum over the last month. I think David's point about the let-down is very relevant - adrenaline building up and then plummeting down can take you for a ride. You have also had a little brush with mortality, something that no one really likes to have thrust in their face, so to speak. And you are having some significant lingering symptoms to boot. You are entitled to be a little depressed.

I have found that returning to normal life is strange, because it seems like I am going about things as if nothing happened, and everything is like it was before, when in fact something rather significant happened, and everything is not quite the same. Realizing that your life has been changed for you, and that you will just have to get used to it, can certainly bring on some down time.

It is one of the reasons we have this forum.

Steve

[Jim Scott]

Marci:

Brain surgery is a decidedly major event in our lives and we all handle the experience a bit differently.  Some agonize and fret for months beforehand, others just go emotionally numb and others smile through the whole thing.  Many do a bit of each. I did.

I doubt you're clinically depressed but I have no way of knowing that, it's simply an uneducated guess.  As Steve mentioned, your activity on the AN forums would belie any real depression and besides, venting here and trying to help others is great therapy.  I do it all the time and I'm not depressed at all.    You'll likely be fine, Marci.  However, if necessary, your doctor can probably prescribe medication to alliviate any post-operative depression you may encounter.  I trust that this won't become necessary but remember that you're only human and everyone needs some help, sometime.  Don't be afraid to ask.  I would. 


Jim

[JulieW4]

Marci,

I think what you are feeling is very normal.  I am 5 1/2 weeks post-op and I felt the most depressed during 2-4 weeks post op.  I think it's because I was ready to get on with my life but my body still isn't ready completely.  Each day for me is getting better.
 I have a feeling that you not being able to run has a lot to do with it.  Not being able to do something that is such a part of your life can be depressing.  Hang in there.  I really believe it will get better.

Julie

[ppearl214]

Marci,

I think what you are feeling is very normal.  I am 5 1/2 weeks post-op and I felt the most depressed during 2-4 weeks post op.  I think it's because I was ready to get on with my life but my body still isn't ready completely.  Each day for me is getting better.
 I have a feeling that you not being able to run has a lot to do with it.  Not being able to do something that is such a part of your life can be depressing.  Hang in there.  I really believe it will get better.

Julie

Julie, plane tix are booked for the UK... last week of December. Can't wait to FINALLY meet you!!!!!! Please feel better and hang in there! xo


Hi Marci,
So many of us go through the emotional roller-coaster of all aspects of the journey.  I have felt down in the past couple of years. For me, I attribute it to the multitude of physical issues that I endure and that I am no longer able to certain things in my life that I could do when I was "healthy" (ie: I was a powerwalker daily, worked out at the gym 6 days a week, was 40 lbs lighter, etc).  I've tried desperately to "mourn" my previous life... and have questioned myself about seeking out help to help me with "coping mechinsms" to help me move forward then dwelling on my "past" life..... There are many trained professionals that focus on patients that have physical issues where emotional issues can arise and teach us to "cope" with certain situations. I, for one, am all for the help if it's going to help.

Please hang in there. You are doing fab as a "postie" and truly to be commended. If you feel in your gut that possibly professional help could help guide you... then by all means, it may be worth researching.... you know your situation better and you will know....

Hang tough...
Phyl

[wendysig]

Marci,
I thought I'd add my two cents worth even though everyone else has given you excellent advice.  I mrrveled at how quickly you'd thought your situation through, made peace with it  and came to a decision so quickly before your surgery while I researched and struggled withr my decision to have surgery or stereotattic radiosurgery for two months.  I realize you didn't have the time to waste that I had, but even still it was a quick decision and you have been very upbeat.  I think now that the enormity of what you've gone through has finally hit you, what you are going through is completely normal.  As the others have said, if you feel you need to see your therapist, then you should, but I really think you're going through what most of us went through before our surgery -- you just didn't have time before.

Wendy

[leapyrtwins]

Marci -

I'm weighing in late here, but I concur with everyone else.  I believe you are depressed and it IS normal.  There are lots of posts on this forum that support this normalcy - it's happened to a lot of us.

I didn't realize it at the time, but I was actually depressed during the period between my AN surgery and my BAHA surgery.  In my case, I think my depression was brought on by my SSD and my frustration with it.  I know lots of people adapt to the situation very well, but I didn't and it definitely "took a toll" on me.

Hang in there,

Jan

[Kaybo]

Marci~
Obviously, I am late (as usual) and you have already received lots of really good support here.  I can honestly say that all my stuff was so long ago, I don't really remember, but here are my obsevations:

1) Any time we are tired (exhausted), things seem to be magnified - this was/is a BIG deal and whether you like it or not, you are and are going to continue to be extra tired!  Cut yourself some extra slack - it WILL get better!   

2) The fact that you are even asking this is probably a good indicator that you are pretty in touch with yourself - just as everyone has said, therapists and medicine can be a wonderful aid in your recovery...but you may be OK on your own.  Sounds like your hubby is wonderful help to you.

3) Exercise is a wonderful relief!  Didn't your Dr. say you could start running next week?  Just remember that it may be a little different - don't expect too much too soon.  I would psych myself up that it would not go too well and then you might be surprised at how well you do!!  I think once you can get out & running again, you will feel better!

Good luck!
K

[Pembo]

Marci, I had 3 weeks from dx to surgery and it wasn't until later the enormity of the whole surgery hit me. Do some reading on the stages of the Grief Cycle. That helped me alot.

[mimoore]

Hi Marci,
I have not problem in saying that 2 weeks post op I felt myself slipping into depression. I asked my doctor for a mild anti-depressant to help me over this hump - thank god I could recognize it and get help. I am a very positive person and feel it is a better place to be to heal properly. If you were sick in any other way most would not hesitate to take medicine to get better. Many believe that depression can just be shaken off - it just can't. Do what is right for you. I know for me it helped me see things in a clearer perspective and not be be so negative. Remember the law of attraction - think and speak good things and they will come.
Take care - I understand.
Michelle