Dreams

[saralynn143]

I have dreams every two weeks or so in which I wake up and my face is miraculously healed. Then I wake up for real and of course nothing has changed. I woke up from this dream at 4:30 this morning and couldn't go back to sleep.

Does anyone else have these dreams? They are disturbingly vivid, and I'm so bummed when I realize it was only a dream.

Sara

[Debbi]

Sara-

While I haven't had these specific dreams, I have found that, in general, my dreams will mirror what ever is troubling me.  And, while I am not a therapist, I would venture a guess that you may be struggling with the whole facial paralysis thing.  I can offer that, in my case, talking to my husband and family about my fears and uncertainty about my face (and I've had PLENTY of both) really helped me in coping with it.  I also regularly talk to another women who had this surgery about a month after me who is also dealing with facial paralysis and find it very helpful to talk with her about it. 

I don't know if this helps, Sara, but hopefully you'll find some peace with this.  I know, firsthand, how hard it is to have a face that doesn't look "like me" anymore.  However, as you know, you are still you inside.

hugs to you,
Debbi

[michela]

I also used to dream in the first months that I have recovered. I think it's quite useful to wish so much something that we have lost.. I remember that I used to wake up and cry, because nothing changed.
As the months went on, I started dreaming myself with the paralyzed face. Maybe I just have started to accept my situation.
Have good attitude, a hug.
Michela

[jazzfunkanne]

Hi Sally it sounds like it is on your mind alot of the time and thats why you end up dreaming about it, i have had a few simillar dreams, we live in hopex

[Jeanlea]

In the beginning I had dreams where I was like I used to be before surgery.  Later on I noticed that I had facial paralysis in my dreams.  I think it is all part of coming to terms with the facial paralysis.

Debbie- How did your interview go for the kindergarten position?  I know another teacher who interviewed for a job with facial paralysis and got it.  Good luck to you.

Jean

[CROOKEDSMILE]

Sara,
I am 13 months out and have dreams of my normal face/smile often......like once a week. Everything is pre-surgery in my dreams. I guess it is normal to have these since it is probably the last thing on our minds when we fall asleep at night. I would cry when I awoke to realize it was only in my dreams that I could smile. Dreams do come true so keep on dreaming. My face is looking better and the dreams keep me motivated not to give up. Turn these dreams into something positive. The positive energy that you surround yourself with even while sleeping can be energizing and healing. Things will get better for you. I was very down and even suicidal right after surgery. I now can see light at the end of that VERY, VERY dark tunnel. It has been a humbling experience and has made me appreciate the little things in life. I find that the more I try to focus on my two boys and the other delightful things in my life the less I think about my face and then when I get a moment I'll look in the  DREADED mirror and see that I can see another tooth when I smile or my eye will close stronger. I have finally decided not to let it control my life instead I  will take control of it and do everything I can do to get better............Just know that TIME is a great healer. Maybe your dreams are of things YET TO COME! Have faith. Sara, I'm here for you. You know I was told by my surgeon that with MVD surgery for hemifacial spasms that my risk of facial paralysis was 1 in a million......I still have the email which them stating that.  It has been hard to trade one problem for 1,000 others! I now see that our risk of paralysis are much greater than what I was told and I only hope that you were given good information. Also don't get too discouraged when you go for an EMG...it can be TERRIBLE then as months go by the nerve starts to do its thing and you start to get promising results. The nerve is knocked down right now and may not start to regenerate until 5-6months when you will finally start to see polyphasic potentials on the emg. How is the eyelid weight?
Keep in touch,
Angie

[Kaybo]

Angie~
Sounds like you have really turned a corner in your thinking & outlook - I am so happy for you and your family.  Reading the encouraging response that you shared with Sara almost brought tears to my eyes (well, one anyway...)!

Talk to you soon,
K

[saralynn143]

Hey Angie. Dr. Casey gave me odds of 10% for facial paralysis. I think that number may include cases of delayed palsy, though, so the odds of immediate post-surgical paralysis are less. Within that number, 90% recover some movement (so 1% overall chance of permanent paralysis). It's hard for me to shake his comments about his "bad feeling" about my nerves, although my hearing has recovered significantly. I just always seem to fall on the wrong side of the risk factor. Having HFS was already just 8 in a million. According to the numbers, I am 1250 times more likely to have permanent facial paralysis than I was to have HFS in the first place. That's not really a fair comparison, I know, but jeez.

I asked Dr. Neely if I would be having another EMG when I see him in November, and he said probably not. I'm not sure he would have ordered the first one if I hadn't told him Dr. Casey wanted them done. So I may not know what my polyphasic potentials even are.

The eyelid weight is fine. Sorry I haven't gotten around to taking any pictures yet. I don't blink fully. Dr. Custer said 50% but I think that is optimistic. I am still using drops and ointment, but the sandpaper feel is gone. My eye looks a bunch better.

Debbi -- I had to laugh when you said you would guess I am struggling with the whole facial paralysis thing. I can't imagine anyone who has it not struggling with it. It just stinks. Everything about it stinks. I was supposed to be enjoying my spasm-free face, but now not only do I look worse than I did with spasms, but I have a bunch of extra doctor appointments and expenses and I have no idea of when (or even if) it will be over. Did I mention that this stinks? When you made your post about the bright side of facial paralysis, the first thing that popped into my mind was I know what I will look like when I am dead. I chose not to put a negative entry into your thread, but I will share it here.

Thanks everyone for your comments. I'm sure my mood is not improved from waking up in the wee hours of the morning.

Sara

[mimoore]

Sara I woke up one day and thought WOW did I ever have a nightmare. I dreamed that my face was paraylsed and then realized it was no nightmare it was my life - I cried most of that day - a sort of mourning I guess. That was during a low time for me, I was on a slippery slope and became very depressed. Yahoooo for happy pills.
Michelle 

[nancyann]

Hi Sara:  That happens to me often,  but I don't feel 'bummed' anymore, since my T3 surgery.

I also have dreams of a paraplegic friend of mine who will be in his wheelchair & then get up & start walking !

Love dreams.....      Always good thoughts,    Nancy

[Dfcman]

Sara,

I have it too.  Good call.  Guess we want to wish it away so badly.  I wish I got Alladin's genie.
 Sad that I let that dominate my thoughts.

Chris

[LADavid]

Sara

I had a lot of dreams that my face was normal in the beginning -- probably the first 4 months -- now I have them occasionally and that I've gone back to work.  Frustrating.  I understand.  Very few others do.  I am very thankful for this Forum.  I would be very alone without it.  BTW, how was your dinner with your husband?  I haven't been anywhere upscale since two days before my surgery.  I tend to stick to the places where a bunched up face and eye, drool, and taste doesn't matter.  Denny's is about as fancy as I get.

David

[28Lisa]

I had one dream like that before was bummed out too pffff

[saralynn143]

Had the dream again last night. On the positive side, though, it's been at least a month rather than two weeks.

Sara

[Patti]

i've had a couple where my hearing comes back and i am so excited!  what a bummer to wake up.  the worst dreams were those of teaching again.  i really can't do it anymore but it took 8 years of constant dreams, alot of therapy, and finally acceptance of the new me.  what a ride!  patti