Handwriting just not the same.. nor is memory.

[Kaybo]

Lisa~
When I went to the Dr. and then to the testing center at Baylor, EVERYBODY asked me if I had been dropping things.  I had, but I just hadn't really thought about it much - I have been a klutz my whole life.  The main thing that I dropped was my pen when I would be correcting papers.  However, I always sat at the little 1st grade table so I didn't have far to pick it up!!    Apparently, dropping stuff is a big sign!

K

[Nancy Drew]

Hi LisaP,

I haven't had my GK yet (next week), but I have a hard time with word finding.  I am not sure if mine is related to the AN or not.  My doctor says it might have to do with the anticonvulsants I take.  Sometimes I think I can't find my words because of anxiety also--or at least it seems to get worse when I am anxious.  Sometimes I will be talking to someone, and I feel like I am not making sense.  I usually tell the person, "Oh, I'm not making sense today.", but then I get a response back from the person most of the time saying, "Oh, you make sense."  Don't know if they are lying or maybe it's not as bad as I think it is.  Weird.  Sometimes I find myself asking the person, "Can you help me find the right word?  It's not coming to me for some reason."  We usually figure it out together.  Just have to go on and not dwell on it, but it is frustrating.

Nancy

[Linda Rene]

After my surgery I had difficulty with many things. Handwriting was one of them as well as my brain going too fast for my hand. My memory was also affected. My husband stays annoyed with me  because I can not remember anything. I had trouble with addition and subtraction. The check book was a mess. The kids need help with their homework, well don't ask Mom. I can not remember many events and people that I have known all my life are now strangers that I don't know what to say to. I run into people that say hello and I try to get away as quickly as I can. I think to my self, was this a friend, some one I liked or disliked?? I find it very stressful, then there are the ones that want to help you remember. Well, like that is going to happen. It is not like you want to have the conversation I had a brain tumor, I had brain surgery and I have no memory of you. I feel like I have been put into someone elses body and picked up where they left off. My balance nerve was also removed so I have balance issues as well. I lost all of my hearing on one side so I don't hear half of what anybody says anyway but maybe thats a blessing. When I go into the grocery store or the mall everything sounds like wa wa wa wa. When I see people that  know me it is like a stranger saying wa wa wa wa. I just want to get away.
                           Linda Rene

[Soundy]

Speaking of calcifiaction...

I go 90 miles an hour while I can and crash occasionally ... I am almost manic in my effort to remain
active and doing something...

there are days I should stay home and do house work or just read or watch a movie , but will go to the
library and play with their high speed computer or go to school and run stuff off for teachers or hang
around the playground so teachers can stay in and get a break from their class at recess or I go wander
around Walmart or our little town square ... I have to see and engage human contact where I used to
be happy to sit at home if I had nothing pressing

I have fear that if I don't keep busy I my brain will turn to mush or harden .  so I go go go til I can't...
headaches bring me to a halt at times ... but as long as I can go I do...

I have logged 16 hours volunteer time at school this week and 4 hours on the clock...we are gearing up for
our Fall Festival and I have been decorating ,collecting donations , printing door prize tickets whatever  ...

next week is book fair and I am working 4 days and get paid in books ...by the time we are done I will have
earned  around $100 worth of book...my husband says he could give me $100 to stay home next week and rest...
he doesn't get the HAVE TO thing at all... but I have to keep going ...use it or lose it ... but at the
same time I think my schedule of school volunteer and paid time , Cub Scouts and Girl Scout and 4-H  is doing
me as much harm as good ...

Does anyone else run into this

I am foggy but fear I will get totally socked in if I don't keep both my mind and body in motion

Tired , Foggy headed and busy in Tennessee

[GRACE1]

Soundy,

I know exactly where you are coming from on keeping going so you won't lose it - but it doesn't have anything to do with my AN.  It's about my husband.  He had both hips replaced in 2003, when he was 39.  The second surgery was very successful, but his first surgery left him in constant pain.  He has been on disability since the first surgery.  He pushes himself every day to stay on his feet and be active, despite the pain.  He is afraid that if he does not do this, he will end up in a wheel chair.  I hate that he has to deal with this, but most of us have something to deal with.

My husband also has something else in common with a lot of ANers.  He was misdiagnosed for 6 months, and went though heck because of it.  After he had been sick for 5 months, one doctor, with a laugh, said that there was nothing wrong with him and he could go back to work.  We went to Emory in Atlanta a few days after that and in five minutes they diagnosed him correctly with avascular necrosis (death of bone tissue due to a lack of blood supply, which destroyed his hip joints). THe has not worked a day since then.  I can't tell you what I would like to say to the doctor who said there was nothing wrong with him. 

As for you, it sounds like you may be pushing yourself a bit too much.  Maybe you could cut down just a little.  I admire you for keeping so busy despite the hardships.  My prayers will be with you. 

Grace

[MaryBKAriz]

Hi,

I have been on a long vacation and returned to my friends here as well as new people. I feel I am really back home! I was thrilled to see the category added of Cognitive/Emotional issues. I haven't even finished and already have found so many with similar issues. I am posting here first because of the Handwriting comment.

Since I started being symptomatic pre diagnosis until now (4 months post CK) I have had the typical doctor acknowledged issues - hearing loss, word recognition almost a total loss, balance issues and 24/7 very annoying and loud tinnitus. I had asked about my other issues that also started occuring at the same time and no doctors seemed to see a connection. I now think if so many others are experiencing this, surely the doctors will soon understand these things are also an issue.

My biggest non-traditional complaint is lack of control of my hands they are shaky and uncoordinated. It is worse post treatment. Anyway, I was a professional artist. I taught workshops and was also teaching art. I did portraits, which requires an exacting hand. I have a studio in our home that is now used as a junk room. This is the biggest loss of my life. This is a reason I sometimes feel quite down. My core being is an artist. I still see things as an artist, I just no longer can interpret them for others to see.

I drop things. I cannot screw on any lid. I have issues with memory and before it was good. I could remember any phone number after hearing it once or twice. I sometimes can't even remember our own now. My friends, pre diagnosis, lovingly teased me about my increasing clutziness. It is worse now but at least we know why.

Thank you for being here all.

Thank you Phyl for making this thread happen!

Hugs,

Mary

[sgerrard]

Hi Mary,

Your comment about losing your ability to do art as the biggest loss of your life is really significant. When I was more befuddled by my AN, in the months before and after treatment, I worried that I might not regain the concentration needed to be a good computer programmer. I could not imagine what I would do instead. Fortunately I am now back at it, and still able to do a good job, even though I think I work in a different pattern now.

Surely there is some activity that can still tap into your artistic nature. Have you ever done photography, for instance? Even though you may have lost the exacting hand for painting portraits, you haven't lost your sense of composition, texture, tone, etc. You still have an artist in you; maybe you can find a new medium.

Of course I hope that the dizziness improves, but I also hope that you find a new path forward that becomes satisfying to you again.

Steve

[MaryBKAriz]

Hi Steve!

Thank you sooooo much again for your insightful words. I have been taking pictures and then trying to do something with them. It does help and I am trying to find the satisfaction from a new medium. I have photoshop so I can do some crzy things with them. I always enjoyed all mediums, I just didn't enjoy the photography as much. I used to say I would always enjoy art - even if I lost my vision I could because I could do sculpting. I hadn't thought of losing my hands!
I saw an article somewhere that someone who was a pro banjo player, had hand tremors that stopped his work, so he had some brain surgery to fix it. Oh my, therer we are again with those words.

Anyway, I have tons of photos from our trip to play with and have done some things with them. I may have to break down and take classes !

Take care, Steve! The family says "hi!"!

Mary

[pauline]

Mary,

I do understand your loss.  I am going through a similar emotional low as a piano teacher and
part of a piano quartet.  I recently gave up being part of the quartet that I have performed with for the past 15 years which was very emotional for all of us!  I also am having problems with being able to play the piano as well as teach as my tinnitus is so loud, the piano sounds like noise to me.  Music has always been a part of my life and is my passion.  I am sorry of your loss as an artist.  I hope new doors open for the both of us soon! 

I am to have my next MRI in January - I am going to Barrows in Phoenix!

[MaryBKAriz]

Pauline,

I cried when I read your post. I am so sad for you!!!! I love music but only "played" the radio.  So much of it is noise for me, too, because of distortion, so I can only imagine how much of a loss it would be to a musician. I am sending you a huge understanding hug. I hope we both can find reasonable facsimiles. I decided I need to go through the stages of grief, perhaps, so I can get to the point of acceptance. Then maybe my heart can be open to new outlets. Does that make ANY sense??? I have many things in life (like most people my age) that have been devastating. This truly is my worst loss. I would never expected that until the true realization hit that I can't do what I did.

A big understanding hug is being sent your way.

Mary

[Soundy]

Mary ... I used to do water colors but now make messes ... I do arts and crafts with my scouts and teach them
some of what I did and we make up stuff as we go along ... right now my daughters are into an odd
medium... tissue paper and modge podge...

last year my oldest did a farm poster  for a contest Farm Bureau Insurance puts on titled Where Do wWe Get Our Food?
it is a contest open to all fourth grade students in the state ...
 
her poster was made of poster board that she had "painted" with tissue and then drew shapes on the back of
poster board and cut out and stuck to a base of poster board... she won locally and represented our county at state
and out of a field of 93 won third ...Parts were water colored and parts tissue painted

Hannah's Poster



Close up of her vegetable patch




The youngest did a lions face in 2006 for alternative painting medium at county fair and won first with it ... a canvas ,
tissue paper and modge podge ... this year she did a frog ...more advanced but same materials ... and another first
place ribbon for her..she is the same one did my avatar Headache drawing



Sarah and Dandy Lion ...



getting my kids doing something with their hands to express themselves in a visual way to
others almost makes up for the fact I can no longer make what I see in my head show up to others..

At a class I took many years ago the lady teaching gave us a word to remember...MARF ... stands for
Maintain Absolute Rigid F lexabilty ... as I go through my days and find things I can no longer
do ,  I try (key word try)  to remember those four letters and to find new outlets for what is in my head and used
to come out through my hands but no longer does...

You may find a new medium... or work with a group of kids ,elderly( a local nursing home has people come in and
work with patients doing simple art projects)  or just for yourself ... I do take alot of pictures ...some are even pretty
good and have won in local contests ... I miss the old me and what I did but am finding new ways to go on


heres hoping we all find new ways to express things we have lost on our AN journey

[MaryBKAriz]

Hi Soundy,

I just sent a post directed to you on the other thread. I have goosebumps - when I came to this thread you had PRE answered some of the questions I had on the post i JUST finished writing.

Your kids are TALENTED!!!! I am so happy they are getting the artistic nurturing that will help them grow. WOW! GREAT work, did I mention that?? They have a talent they can pursue and enjoy. Others will enjoy it also. I particularily enjoyed seeing the close=up of the fruit. How did they start with this medium?

Here are some of my paintings. Most are realistic, but I loved doing abstractions, also. The photos are not terrific but you can get an idea of what I loved to do.

Mary


In the Twinkling of an Eye


Venetian Jailbird


Almost 15


Don't Look Back


Portrait of a Fruitbowl


Windows and Rooftop[s


Part of my studio walls

[cin605]

OMG!Those pics are great.You are awsume.I love the people paintings i used to draw alot & my favorite was to draw people.
Thanks for sharing.
Cindy

[yardtick]

Mary,

Forgive me for not posting sooner.  Your paintings are gorgeous.  Such talent.  Our Capt Deb is also an artist and Lorenzo is an artist with a camera.  I'm lucky if a can draw a straight line or take a picture that is in focus, before and AFTER AN.  Mind you I can cook up a storm when need be!

Truly beautiful!!! I'm totaling in awe.

Anne Marie

[Soundy]

Your kids are TALENTED!!!! I am so happy they are getting the artistic nurturing that will help them grow. WOW! GREAT work, did I mention that?? They have a talent they can pursue and enjoy. Others will enjoy it also. I particularily enjoyed seeing the close=up of the fruit. How did they start with this medium?

I was making some piñatas for someone and had been using tissue and modge podge... I was cutting fringe from
tissue and sticking uncut edge to base to make the lion piñata fuzzy looking ... somehow the girls started coloring
with the fallen tissue scraps for lack of better words ... at first they just stuck bits to a piece of paper and later
it was a focused end result the were looking for ...  they love modge podge... I keep trying to get people to
just give them modge podge and tissue  for Christmas ,birthdays  etc etc but no one listens ...


Your work is great ... I really like the play of light coming through the blinds on the boy in the second one