One month til Translab...hmmm

[cindyj]

Many of you posties were SO good about sharing your feelings, thoughts and concerns when you were a pre-postie and it was so helpful to me, I figured I should at least try to say something now that I'm only a month from my surgery.

As I mentioned to David recently, think I've been fairly detached from the whole thing.  I know that it is happening, but I don't think I've made the connection that it is happening to me.  I booked airline tickets, made hotel reservations and thought about what I want to see in CA prior to my surgery, but haven't gone beyond that.  I don't have thoughts about the certain (SSD), and uncertain, outcomes of the surgery...well, at least I generally don't allow myself to dwell on them.  Perhaps I should?  My only concern is that I may be too optimistic, as it is my nature to be.  No such thing though, right?   

Ok, I will admit that every once in awhile, there is a tiny odd feeling in my stomach that forces me to realize this is a big deal and I better be taking it seriously and things don't always turn out as rosey as I tend to believe they will...

Anyway, thanks to everyone on this forum, I know I will have the right items packed for the hospital, numerous secrets to make life easier post-op and much support to get me through.  I'm actually worried about how my husband is going to manage out there sitting around in a hospital for so many days...I'll be trying to come up with things for him to do as soon as I'm out of recovery

Cindy

[lori67]

Cindy -

Guess what?  You're normal!  I think we all felt like you do at some point.  You rush around trying to prepare for every possibility and don't allow yourself to really think about the surgery part - then all of a sudden, it's there!

You will be very well prepared and ready to deal with whatever comes your way, I'm sure.  It is a big deal, but spending your time living in fear of what might happen isn't going to help.  "Hope for the best and prepare for the worst" was some of the best advice that I got before my surgery.

Don't worry about your husband - they always find a way to entertain themselves.  Mine found a nice recliner in the waiting room and took a nice nap (we had a 9 month old at the time and didn't get much sleep at home at that point!), played games on his computer.  He also started an e-mail journal of everything going on that day and what he was thinking, feeling, hearing and e-mailed it to our family and friends.  It was nice for me to be able to read afterwards so I had some idea of what it was like for him.  You just worry about YOU!  And if he gets REALLY bored, send him here and I'm sure I can find some things that need to be done here.  How is he with yard work?   

You've got plenty of support here!

Lori

[leapyrtwins]

Cindy -

IMO it's better if you don't get "jazzed up" about your upcoming surgery.  Prior to mine I got to the point where I just figured I'd made my treatment decision and I was confident in that and in both my doctors, so I was just going to do what I had to do.

I'd be lying if I told you I wasn't nervous the morning of my surgery, and the night before, but I also had an incredible sense of calm.

I think it's a good practice to be aware of the possible side-effects you may encounter, but don't spend too much time dwelling on which ones you "might" encounter.  Everyone's outcome is slightly different and no one can really tell you - doctors included - what you'll be facing post op.  I found the best way to deal with things was to just take them as they came.

Keep the faith and hang in there,

Jan

[JerseyGirl2]

Cindy,

I think you're right on track as your surgery approaches. I agree with everything that Jan and Lori said, especially the "hope for the best and prepare for the worst" advice. You're certainly knowledgeable about the procedure and about what you can generally expect afterwards.

 Definitely plan on doing as many activities and as much sightseeing as you can prior to surgery -- I found that to be an absolutely wonderful and fun distraction, and a real plus for those of us who have to travel to their surgical site. The day before surgery will be booked with quite a few doctor and hospital appointments, so that will keep you busy and focused, and should give your confidence a real boost as well.

 As Jan mentioned, I also had an incredible sense of calm during the last few days. You know that you've done everything you can possibly do, you know that your doctors know exactly what they're doing and that they will do the very best that they can, so you'll know that it's time to turn things over to them. Don't worry about being "too optimistic" -- that's a good trait! And don't waste time worrying about possible pitfalls -- worrying won't affect the outcome, and your optimism will help you through any rough patches that may come along.

Best wishes,

Catherine (JerseyGirl2)


 

[Jim Scott]

Cindy:

FWIW, I also think you have the right attitude.  You're well aware that your AN surgery is coming up soon, you're a little bit apprehensive and know deep down that unpleasant things could happen - but you remain optimistic.  I see that as a very realistic mind-set. 

To retain your optimism, you have to have full faith in your doctor(s).  I did.  I also had a very supportive spouse and an abiding faith in God.  I trusted Him to get me through this safely but knew there weren't any guarantees and He might other plans for my life.  When I woke up from the surgery, some 9 hours later, I never even thought to check my face for mobility - or anything else.  It may sound naive, but I just assumed that I was fine...and I was.  Oh, I had double vision for a few days, but that passed.  A tiny 'numb' spot on one side of my tongue remains but is hardly noticeable.  My left eye is vulnerable to wind and occasionally itches when I'm tired but that's about it.  My neurosurgeon was highly experienced in AN removals and promised he would do everything possible to avoid damaging the facial nerve, which was basically unscathed at that point, despite my fairly large tumor.  He did as he promised, radiation followed (FSR) and was effective.  Two-plus years later, all is well. 

I hope you have a similar experience and will pray that you do.  Meanwhile, enjoy your pre-op time.  Don't allow the 'what-ifs' to spoil your necessary (and beneficial) optimism.  I think you'll do fine, Cindy and you know that you'll have a multitude of folks you've never met rooting for you on your surgery day. 

Jim

[Pooter]

Cindyj - I'm with Jan and others that had a strange calmness about surgery just before.  To be honest, I wasn't even nervous the morning of.  I had spent about a month worrying and stressing over the diagnosis, getting things ready at work, etc... but, I had finally gotten to the point of "well, what comes, comes and I'll deal with it" (little did I know!).  It's good that you've reached the point that you're at.  One thing we all learn through this is patience.  Our loved ones learn it to some extent also.  I had full faith in my doctors and I had resigned myself to the fact that it was out of my control and that all I could do what pray and hope for the best.

I think, after a few months of pretty hard work, it has paid off better than I thought it would at one time.  I think your optimism is not misplaced at all.

Regards,
Brian

[MAlegant]

Cindy,
I concur with my colleagues completely.  As I've mentioned before, I didn't really process any of this until after it was over and I was home.  At least at that point I knew what I had to deal with.  The trouble with this surgery is that the range of possibilities is too big to prepare for.  I knew what "could" happen but I too hoped for the best and figured I would deal with whatever happened.  My husband was a source of great strength to me, even though he may not have realized it.  He consistently told me that we would get through this together and that it would be fine.  I believed him because I needed to. I lined up friends to sit with him in the waiting room because I (like you) was worried about him.  Because you're going out of town you don't have that luxury.  The docs will update him often and that will help the time pass.  He'll probably also make friends with whoever else is hanging around waiting...unless Lori is there and then she'll have him doing yard work.   
M

[lori67]

Hey, never let it be said that I didn't do my part to try to help out a friend in need.   

Lori

[chocolatetruffle]

hello cindy, i remember my one month before surgery - i was very busy with medical paperwork, job leave, HEI, steton booking, living trust, etc etc.  I was always a positive person in normal situations but brain surgery is not a normal situation.  So even though i was so busy, I had time for fears.  But i was able to ride the wave as i knowledged them and placed my faith on higher powers. Considering an upcoming brain surgery, I think you are doing an excellent job. Continue to seek out support from friends and family as you will definitely need them after the surgery.  i noticed you are going to HEI for surgery, you are in absolutely good hands!!!  PM me if you need any information about House/St Vincents, i will be more than happy to answer any questions.  we are rooting for you here!!  good luck!

[cindyj]

Thanks ya'll!  As usual, you have such good advice and use just the right words to give it!  I will just try not to evaluate myself too much then, and carry on the same as I have been.  I have actually spent some time thinking about hair post-op and as a result, I had my hair "professionally" straightened yesterday - know I will not be up to the agonizing ritual of straightening it myself.  I  paid a riduculous amount of money to get mine straightened as the lady sitting next to me was paying money to get curl put in hers...it's a sick world

Lori, nap or yardwork....?  After many, many seconds of thought, Brad (the husband) said he'll choose napping, but thanks for the offer   I've told him many times what a supportive bunch of people we have hanging out here - the giving just never stops!

Thanks again, everyone!  I will no doubt be asking about those last minute details in a few weeks....

Have a great day - it's RAINING here finally - yea!! 

Cindy

[cindyj]

I'm going to try to find my baby blanket today!  I'm going to get a pink one as all I have around here are boys!  I rarely ever get to buy anything girly. 

I had perhaps a "sign" that I need to slow down and I need to really take this surgery thing seriously and maybe NOT do the 3-Day Walk (60 miles and camping in a tent, etc)...I fell on Friday during one of our training walks - I'm ok, but twisted my ankle quite nicely!  Wasn't due to my AN, just still a bit dark and we weren't on real good terrain.  I'm really trying to let this 3-Day go, but it's very hard as I so want to do it...

Anyway, I'm trying to get things in order - as some others have done, I have lined up a lady to clean my house while I'm gone and for a couple of months after I return.  Dare I say, that is almost worth having surgery???  That will be very hard to give up...may have to have her indefinitely for medical reasons, right

Donnalynn, I can't do a meal like that on my best day, much less if I had been through all that you have - my mother still does Thanksgiving for us.  I'm very impressed that you are undertaking that chore and know it will be great!  ENJOY!

Ok, I'm off to shop for my blanket!

Cindy

[LADavid]

Cindy
I forget.  When do you get into LA?  We'll be rounding up the troops to visit you pre-op in our favorite meeting place -- St Vincents cafeteria.  You've got buds in LA.
David

[cindyj]

Hey David,

We arrive Tue night, Nov 4th - pre-op visits are scheduled for Thurs, the 6th.   Looks like I'll be free around lunchish and late afternoon sometime and then the evening.  Sometime on the 5th could work as well as we're not sure yet what we'll be doing (besides watching out for the mudslides!).

Really looking forward to meeting you guys!

Cindy

[wendysig]

Cindy,
Sorry I'm late coming to this thread.  I guess everyone feels pretty much the same way when facing their AN surgery.  Hope for the best and try to prepare for the worst.  I too felt a disconnect from the actual event until about a month before hand.  Until then everything seemed theoretical -- then all of a suddent it was a very real upcoming event -- kind of mind blowing!  About a week before my surgery I started feeling very calm, everythng I could do was done, everythng seemed to be in place all I had to do was show up and go to sleep the rest was up to the doctors and God.  I believe in the power of positive thinking -- I expected that it would all be okay in the end and it turned out very well for me -- I hope it does for you too.

Best wishes from one optimist to another,
Wendy

[yardtick]

Donnalynn,

I put on Christmas dinner 10 days after having my gall bladder out.  I'm Hungarian and hubby is Italian.  We had 32 to dinner and I put it ALL on.  My husband did all of the heavy lifting of course.  I also did Thanksgiving one month after my translab and once again Louie did all of the heavy lifting.  That's when I told him if I tell you to do something you just do it properly because I do not of the patience or strength to repeat myself.  For once he listened.  I wonder if the butcher knife in my hand had something to do with it

Anne Marie