Waiting & getting anxious

[josnik]

I was diagnosed mid oct 2005 w/2.5cmx2.8cm AN, The news was devastating to me. I'm 39 yrs old and battled Hodgkins 15 yrs ago. After 7 mos Chemo & 1 mos radation -I was in remission. I'm glad to know that AN is a benign tumor but for some reason I'm more scared now then when I had the news of Cancer. My surgery is scheduled for Feb 17 2006. I chose to have the Translab approach. I feel very comfortable w/my doctors that I chose. And, at the time the waiting time for surgery didn't seem to bother me-especially w/the Holidays that were coming up. Now that they are over, I'm feeling very anxious. This has been a wonderful site for me as I feel that I am not alone. I don't really have any questions but just felt the need to post my feelings. There is no way to up the surgery date. I just have to wait it out. My dr did prescribe anti-anxiety pills--but I don't take them all the time. As the date approaches, I will be asking for prayers. Thank you for listening to me.

[Larry]

Josnik,

Welcome to the club. You have already overcome one of the biggest hurdles - being comfortable with your remedial decision. With that in place, you should now try and relax, get on with your life, enjoy your days and don't worry about the op. You've made your decision and thats terrific.

Larry

[Boppie]

Keep busy on something you enjoy and take credit for having made the decision to get rid of this rude intruder to your life.  You've passed over the most important hurdle.  People here are always ready to cheer you on and up.  Take the anxiety meds if you need them.  Your doctor wants you to be altogether for the important day.

[Sanddollar]

I know EXACTLY how you feel, except that I have only a little more than a week to go.  (Thank goodness!!!)

I, too, scheduled surgery before the holidays and have generally felt very peaceful about it, but anxious to get it over with.  Now that the time draws near however, I have found myself having a few little panic attacks.  Nothing that cannot be overcome, but they are there.   They generally come on when I start to envision making the trip to the hospital and getting prepped for surgery.  Keeping busy does seem to help, but I find that I am making myself a little too busy and not taking time to relax.  I believe that my anxiety has found an outlet in making preparations for my hospital stay and time afterward.  At least it is productive!    

I hope that you can find some good distractions.  Keep the positive thoughts coming and I will try to do the same.

Regards,

Sanddollar

[josnik]

Thank you for your replies. It's nice to know that I have support here.
Sanddoller-I'll be thinking & praying for you. Let me know how things go for you.

[Sanddollar]

Thank you for the well-wishes and prayers, Josnik.   I will be thinking of you as well and will give you the scoop when I am able. 

Everything will be fine - we just need to get through this nail-biting time period!

[MMR]

>my anxiety has found an outlet in making preparations for my hospital stay and time afterward.

I know just what you mean, sanddollar. I'm nine days away from surgery, and although I'm able to stay lighthearted with most family and friends, the tension is starting to get to me. My poor husband feels the brunt of it.

I feel the least anxious when I take action -- make lists, pack, set up a communication plan for after the surgery. (My husband will call the kids, who will e-mail a whole list of people.)

The way I get rid of my discomfort about waiting is by asking myself, "Would I rather have the surgery tomorrow?" And the answer is no -- I have too many things to do this week in preparation!

Josnik, it will all happen in its time. And all will be well.

P.S. Sanddollar, hope all goes well for you, too! Do keep us posted on your progress.

[Sanddollar]

I am taking to heart the "keep busy" ideas.  My house got a thorough cleaning this weekend and I have collected almost everything for the hospital and afterward.  Pets were bathed, their bedding washed.  Guest bedroom prepared for out of town visitors.  Pantry re-arranged and cleaned out, refrigerator re-arranged and cleaned out.  Laundry done.  Communication plan, done.  I will just show up for surgery and simply drop onto the gurney!

Yes - our poor spouses do take the brunt of the moodswings, don't they?   I'm not really one to sob on everyone's shoulder, but sob on someone's shoulder - my poor husband's - is necessary, and usually happens most unexpectedly.   Neurological surgery goes wrong on Grey's Anatomy - boom - I'm bawling!  This despite being truly at peace with my decision and plan for treatment.  I suppose it is just the emotions catching up with the call to action and decision-making.

MMR, hang in there.  The time will pass quickly and I wish you peace and the best possible outcome.  I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Josnik - the time will fly, I assure you.  Keep busy and positive.  I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, both for your surgery and peace in the mean time.

[Kim]

I'm 16-months post-surgery.  I had a very successful outcome, and a fantastic hospital experience.  I did continue to conduct my life as normally as possible prior to surgery:  work, hobbies, exercise & activities.  My family was wonderfully supportive.  I found that people who didn't make a big deal out of my situation were the best to be around.  Staying physically active not only aids in your recovery, but helps keep you from worrying too much beforehand.  Stay positive; you are on the road to getting that thing "off your mind," as my husband would say!

[wind6]

My best wishes and prayers go out to you all. If there was one thing I could re-do before my surgery it would be to take that time and "really" enjoy myself and try not to worry so much. There will be plenty of time to look back when its all over. I believe you will all do just fine and will be back here posting with us soon.
Josnik I want you to know that I admire your strength. You are obviously a very courageous person to still be fighting with this new illness. Please, if you need to take the anti-anxiety meds just take them. This is only a temporary stress period and the medication might help you relax through it. I know I did and it helped me so much.
My love and thoughts are with you all as always.                 Sherry

[josnik]

Thank you all sooo much for your words of encouragement. I do have family & friends support but I think it's also hard for them to really understand what we are going through (having this diagnoses & living with the outcome-whatever it may be). I look totally normal--but inside I'm not. That's the hardest part.  I will try to heed your advise. I'm planning on taking the week of my surgery off from work to get things in order. I try to tell myself every day to just "TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME". I'm also trying to let go of all that little stuff that use to bother me that in the scheme of this really does not matter that much. Thank you ALL again!!!

[Jeanlea]

Josnik,

I want to wish you all the best with your surgery.  I will be thinking of you and sending you my prayers.  It sounds like you have already been through a lot.  My sister and I split up the illnessess.  She was treated for Hodkins and has been in remission for 17 years now.  I had the AN. 
I found the time waiting for surgery to be difficult because I didn't know what the outcome would be.  I realized that there was a possibility of facial paralysis.  I kept a positive attitude, but still ended up with facial paralysis.  My tumor was fairly large, 3.2 cm and wrapped in my facial nerve.  It's been almost 5 months since my surgery.  My face began to get some movement just after 3 months.  I think it's moving more and more each day, but very slowly.  It's my lesson in patience. 

I pray that you have an excellent outcome with your surgery. 

Jean

[lmurray69]

[I hear where you are coming from I want youto know Iwill put you on my pray chain at church too..I to have a ana mine issmall compaired to yours 9mm and growing ,it started out a 6 and I had radiation a ear ago and it has grown to a 9mm.. again you are in  my prayers  Linda

[Boppie]

Good luck, I want to hear from you as soon as you can get online and send us a note.  I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers for a speedy recovery.

[Pembo]

The days before surgery were some of the hardest for me. So many things going through my mind, so many emotions....Stay strong, we are here to listen and we can empathize. I too was a list maker. My mom said I called every day, numerous times just to tell her one more thing. She was keeping our 3 kids so my dh could focus on me. Keep busy, do some fun things, and soon you'll be a part of the post-op club!!! Good luck.