My pity party.

[mrgarlic]

greetings and welcome to my party. I had a surgery date for Oct 10th. My wife had a fit because  everything was happening too quick. I rescheduled for Nov 20th and now " I " am not doing well. I am a little different than most of you. I have a Trigeminal Neuroma. Very lengthly to explain, however you can go to Wickipedia with the name. I am in no pain but I am on a very quirky drug called Tegretal. It kinda  makes my mind numb and fotgetfull. I am going to basically the same surgery as you. I and the Dr chose middle fossia. I did have an Acoustic Neuroma four years ago so I know exactly what to expect. When we set the first date, we told all of our friends and relatives. Now I have had endless weeks of questions by well meaning people who don't have a clue what we go through. I am 67 and semi-retired so I don't have to face work related problems. This is my 4th major surgery in 7 years. Lung cancer, Acoustic Neuroma, total knee replacement and now another tumor. I can't help feeling my luck is going to run out. I know my problems are small compared to others but I still feel overwelmed. To boot, my wife who is supposed to be my help mate, has 3 total melt-downs in the last two weeks. I know she is also in shock but I am very depressed, anxious, and not very social. To all on the AN forum, thanks for being there for me,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Larry

[GRACE1]

I am sorry there are so many issues going on with you right now.  Hard to handle, huh?  No wonder you are having a pity party.  All I can offer are my thoughts and prayers.  Hang in there and take it easy. 

Grace

[lori67]

Larry,

You certainly have a lot on your plate right now.  I hope your surgery date comes up quickly so you can put it behind you.  I have a little bit of extra luck I don't need right now, so I'll send it your way so you won't run out.  I'll also be sending lots of prayers, good wishes and happy thoughts for you and your wife.

I hope before long your pity party turns into just a regular PARTY!

Hang in there.
Lori

[Jim Scott]

Larry:

You're 67 years old, facing your 4th major surgery in seven years and you've had to postpone it but it's coming up in the next few days.  Oh, and your wife is in meltdown.  Gee, I can't imagine why you might be a tad depressed.  

Frankly, if anyone here has a reason for a 'pity party', it's you.  However, that doesn't change anything, does it?  You still need the surgery, whether or not you feel optimistic or your wife is supportive.  You have a valid point when you state that some have it worse than you but, in my experience, the fact that someone, somewhere is in worse shape or has bigger challenges is of rather transient comfort.  

Be polite to any relatives, friends or acquaintances who don't have a clue - but refuse to allow them to color your mood.  Because you realize that Tegretol is mood-altering, you might want to ask your doctor if you can go to a lower dosage, based on the cognitive problems it causes you.  

Although no one can predict the future, there is no reason to be overly pessimistic about this upcoming surgery, Larry.  I assume you have confidence in your doctor(s) and although you are aware of the risks, that doesn't mean you'll experience all or even any of the negative ramifications of this procedure.  As we 'mature' folks know, in life, there are no guarantees - and that certainly applies to this kind of surgery.  Still, you've survived a lot of fairly serious surgeries before so obviously you're a strong guy.  That being the case, go into this with a fighting attitude.  You'll get through this thing, even if you have to do it all by yourself.  Even if your wife is unable to be supportive and your circle of friends can't grasp what you're facing, you've been down this road before and you made it.  You'll do it again.  We're here to support you Larry and you'll have many people you haven't even met thinking of you, sending you hugs and good vibes and (in my opinion) best of all, praying for you.  Stay strong.

Jim

[Pembo]

I think you are entitled to a pity party. Stay strong, you can do this. Encourage your wife to talk to someone about her feelings. I know that helped my dh a lot, to be able to talk about his feelings to someone other than me. The 20th will be here before you know it and you will be over one hurdle. We're here for you........

[Rivergirl]

Larry, that was so sad to read but it described the emotion that one goes through when dealing with these health issues.  I have come to figure there are some of us that need more physical corrections as we go along and there is nothing to do but get it done and get on the other side of it.  Consider that you have had practice in this arena and will be an "A" student this time around.  Maybe your wife cannot be the strong one and that you have to be, that is just the way it is sometimes.  You touched my soul Larry and that means I will keep you in my good thoughts, best of luck.

[Sue]

Larry,  I'll bring a pinata to the party, and then you can, without a blindfold, beat the living daylights out of the thing.  That'll make you feel better!!    Seriously, I am sorry you have had a tough row to hoe lately, and I wish you all the best with this latest thing that came down the pike.  It's not fair, but that's that whole, "life is like a box of chocolates" deal, and none of us knows what we are going to have to deal with in our lifetime.  And no, it's not the worst that can happen, but this is the worst that has happened to you, lately, this year, this decade, this whatever, and so...you have every right to be down and depressed and sad and mad and everything that you feel right now.  It's your God given right to raise your fist at the Fates and say, "Why Me?"  Then, you try to deal with this, like we all do, one day at a time.

My son is going through a divorce, a foreclosure, a bankruptcy, and he just moved in with us, plus his dog, and then he sprained his knee quite badly at the gym and tomorrow we will find out if he has to have surgery on it, or if it's healing on it's own.  He's 35 years old and starting over.  The good news is that he works for UPS and he's a Teamster and he has good insurance and he won't lose his job or anything.  Not the same as what you are going through, but, for me, I'm feeling the stress of this and I keep saying, One Day At A Time, and we'll all get through this. But, the anxiety is there, that's for sure. 

I wish I could say something that will make this all better and to help your wife deal with your medical problems, and that's they only thing I can think of is to deal with this a day at a time and not get overwhelmed with the future.  Today is all you can do.  Get through this day and then we'll deal with tomorrow when it gets here.   

Take care, Larry, and God Bless You,

Sue in Vancouver WA USA

[cin605]

Hi Larry,
Thanks for the invite to your pity party.Keep your chin up.
I am a 42 year old single mom of a 13 year old.i was misdiagnosed for 10 years before i found out about AN.I had a sucessful cleaning bussines BEFORE surgery & have not been able to work since.I had to give all my accounts i built up over 10 years to the competition.I can not drive at night or long distance.I loath the grocery store & am no longer tolerant of long lines.
people talk to me & if i am not looking straght at them its like they don't exist.
This is the place to be to make us all feel we are not alone in the wonderful world of AN & surgeries in general.
It will get better.I have the mood swings w/o the drugs!I forget things dailey.I also have the "dropsies" doing dishes is very comical.
I have $1.59 in my bank account.
BUT..... i have awonderful loving son...family to talk to & all the great people her to answer my dailey questions that the doctors can't.
Cindy

[sgerrard]

I can't help feeling my luck is going to run out.

I don't know, Larry, with the kind of luck you are having, that might be a good thing.

I have put your date on the AN Calendar, so we can wish you the best when the day arrives.

Just remember, the past is history, you are only having one surgery this month. It's not the greatest way to spend Thanksgiving, but you will make it through this one, too.

Best wishes for the days ahead.

Steve

[leapyrtwins]

Larry -

you've certainly got a lot on your plate 

I wish I had some very wise words of advice to give you, but nothing I can think of seems adequate.

Just know that we are here for you and pity parties are perfectly acceptable.

We're all "pulling" for you and hoping for the best.

I'll keep you - and your wife - in my prayers.

Best of luck,

Jan

[Captain Deb]

Larry,

I strongly reccommend listening to some Jimmy Buffett--always perks me right up.  His new album "Live in Anguilla" has a DVD included.  Put on a silly Hawaiian shirt and grab the wife and do a little dancing in the living room and  live in the moment. Mix a few Pina Coladas. Turn the pity party into a beach party. Escape for a few hours. Have a little FUN with each other.

We'll all be thinking of you and wishing you good thoughts.

Capt Deb

[Debbi]

Hi Larry-

It definitely seems like you got someone else's share of crummy luck - but maybe that is because someone up there thought you could handle it.  Faint words of help, I know.  The great thing about this forum is that most of us know what it is like to be depressed, discourage, hopeful, sad, excited - the "full monty" of emotions. 

Sending you a hug and prayers,
Debbi