I have a different mindset...no pity parties allowed. I hope that doesn't sound harsh. I really think the best medicine we can find is within ourselves. I'm 4.5 years post op. Lots of issues, not quite as bad as yours from the sound of it but pretty disabling for a long time. Dizziness and vertigo, constant headache (sometimes blinding), sharp spikes of pain, complete hearing loss in left ear with constant tinnitus. The biggest problem was the dizziness..falling, bouncing off walls, I often couldn't drive.
Here is why I don't allow pity parties...I posted this highlighted text in another thread but thought it made sense here as well.
On the days that are bad and my thoughts start to drift to why me I remember a day shortly after I was diagnosed when I was particularly depressed. I was sitting in the waiting room at the hospital getting ready to have the BB's implanted in my skull that are used for the targeting scans to direct the proton beam during surgery. A young boy perhaps 9 years old was wheeled into the room...obviously in a fight with childhood cancer...no eyebrows or hair....thin as a rail. We struck up a conversation. He sensed that I was feeling pretty down I guess because he started to try and cheer me up. Here I was in my mid 40's having lived a great life feeling sorry for myself while a 9 year old with a potentially terminal illness tried to console me. I vowed from that point on never to say "Why me?" The thought still occurs to me but I never dwell on it.
Since then I've built on that. I realize how lucky I am. I used to think how great it would be to win the lottery...I didn't realize I already had. I was born into the most prosperous nation the world has ever seen. A place where personal freedom is guaranteed. I live amongst a small percentage of people that relative to the majority of the people on the planet today are fabulously wealthy (I'm just a middle class hard working guy) and if you consider all the people that have lived before us it's astounding how we live. Kings of old could only dream of the riches we take for granted (Cars, TV, Music, Travel, Art, Ben &Jerry's....the list is endless). I had wonderful loving parents. A great family growing up. Some of the best friends a person could ask for. I found my soul mate at 17 and married her when we were 23. Together we've raised two extraordinary daughters that have brought us so much happiness. I've resurrected my love for the ocean BECAUSE of my AN. My new found passion for surfing leaves me feeling alive like nothing I've ever done before....Life is Good!
I've come to believe that without contrasts we can't truly appreciate life. Would you know what white is without black? or pleasure without pain?
I know your circumstances are different from mine but they aren't as bad as that 9 year old boy's or as a bad as a large number of the people on the planet today. You need to reach down inside and find the strength to smile in the face of adversity and keep on fighting. Nobody else can do it for you.
I was really struggling 1.5 years ago when my brother gave me a gift that changed my life. I still have all the other issues but i've found a way to regain most of my balance through extreme therapy. What I do, standup paddlesurfing, may not be for everybody, but it made me realize that with extraordinary work comes extraordinary gains. A year and a half ago I was on a downward spiral, an overweight, balance challenged guy approaching my 50th birthday. Today I'm in almost the best shape of my life and my balance is almost back to normal...at least on the good days. My point is...don't give up, don't give in. instead of a pity party..get angry...go for a run...do something, anything, to help yourself.
