AN surgery coming up. What should I do with my Baby?

[Ella]

Hello,
I am 34 and have a 1 year old baby girl.
I am scheduled for surgery in a couple of months in a major hospital in the USA.
I live overseas, a 15 hour flight, and I need to leave my country for 2.5 weeks.
This is so hard cause I don't know whether I should go alone and leave my baby in her home with my husband and the nanny (hired a few moths ago as preparation for surgery) OR should she come with me: fly 15 hours, get used to 8 hour time difference, live out of a hotel and probably see me for very short visits and without me picking her up.
A few moths ago I decided on leaving her at home, but as the date approaches I don’t see how I can leave her behind - i wll miss her too much.

Love to hear some thoughts.
If only I knew how I will feel after surgery it would be easier to make the choice. I know some snap out of it and feel better after a few days and some tale a few months.

Thanks.
Ella

[Kaybo]

Ella~
Hi and welcome to our group - a group you would rather not be apart of, I'm sure.  I had my AN surgery 13 years ago before I had kids so I didn't have to worry about that then, but I did have another surgery last year in another city.  I live in Texas and we went to Baltimore, Maryland to Joohns-Hopkins.  I had to be there for a least a week and it killed me to be away from the girls (I have 3) - especially in the Spring when we seem to have so many activities, but it proved to be the very best thing.  I was able to rest & take care of ME - which I wouldn't have done if the girlies were there - no matter how bad I felt.  Also, my precious hubby could devote his time to me & my needs too.  If the girlies would have been there, I would've wanted him to be seeing to their needs.  Even though it is VERY hard, I think it would be better to leave her - IF you know that she will be well taken care of - which it sounds like!!  Plus, the reunion is so much sweeter!  PM me if you would like to talk more!

K

[Ella]

Thanks. I am going to Johns Hopkins too. I believe they don't even allow babies in the hospital warred. It is just so hard to leave her - she is still a baby and will not understand where or why I disappeared. Amazing that you have 3 girls after surgery – terrific !

[anissa]

Welcome to the forum, so glad you found us.   

My opinion about your baby would be to leave her in very caring hands and use this time to recoup and heal so that when you get home you are as strong as you can be.  Its terrible, I know.  I have four little ones (5,5,3,1) and I'll be about 4 hours away from them.  It will be hard, I've never been away from them longer than two nights in a row and not often at that.  However, I need to take that time for me so that I can go back to being everything for them.  Take lots of pictures with you that you can have set up in your room and take some video on your camera if you have one.  Someone on here suggested to take one of the kid's loveys with you.  Best wishes on your surgery.

[MAlegant]

Hi Ella,
I totally understand that you want her with you--but she will likely be better off staying home, in her routine and all of that.  You'll be back before you know it!  Does your laptop have a camera?  Do you Skype? Just a thought...
Best,
Marci

[Ella]

Thank you so much for you input.
Anissa - I will think of you (my surgery date is April 2) and it will make me stronger - if you can do it with 4 kids !!! I can manage just 1! Yes, it will be difficult. How long will you be away from your kids?
Marci - Yes, I have thought of Skype. I think I will use it.

I am thinking that if I feel better after surgery than my husband and baby will make the trip - that way I will have the chance to see how I feel and than decide.

Thanks again. This helps.

[anissa]

I am planning for 7 days, give or take.  Hopefully no more than that.  I am going to try Skype too, just need to buy a camera for my husband's laptop.  Mine has one.  Hopefully you'll feel well enough for them to come over!

[QRM]

Well if its any help, I just had the surgery and needed the dreaded 15-17 hours flight  to and from hospital.  My wife and a 2 year old all came along to the US.  We didn't want the baby to come to the hospital because she might be a bit upset with the state I was in.  So wife stayed with her at the service apartment where she had a lot of fun with the new environment and new chums,  when my wife came to visit the hospital for an hour a day the baby stayed with a local baby sitter.

For me having my kid around during the recovery process was priceless, her interpretation of the whole episode still makes me laugh, and how a 2/3 year old tried to look after me was an inspiration. Her third Bday was just after the surgery and that was one of my goals, to make sure I was there.

Yours is a lot younger, so the situation is a little different, but if not being with your kid is so upsetting then your are better of having them around as being happy and positive during the recovery process is already half the battle won.

We all stayed in the the US for one and a half months before flying back to Singapore.

All the best


Rick

[lauralynn]

Hello Ella,

Just wanted to let you know I will be thinking of you and praying for you.  Have you decided what your plan is for your baby?  What a tough decision.  I have four children, but two of them are teenagers so they are old enough to understand things.  I also have a 10 yr old and an 8 year old.  Those two are very attached to me.  Will you have someone that will be able to go with you to the states if your husband and baby stay at home?  I have my surgery a little bit after yours...April 14th.  Definately keep the forum posted on things and know that we will be praying for you and your family.

Take care,

Laura Lynn

[ColoradoGal]

Ella,

If your husband can come with the baby, then you get the best of both worlds - assuming you can work out an arrangement like Rick did (above).  Otherwise, I would lean toward leaving your daughter at home.    Those first few days after surgery you won't really be up for much interaction with the baby. 

Laura Lynn,

I traveled to Phoenix for my surgery at Barrows too.  My parents flew in to take care of our kids while my husband and I were in Phoenix for 13 days. We have five kids - the youngest two were 11 and 8. We talked on the phone to the kids, but no pictures, video phone, etc.  The homecoming was great and my youngest did not want to leave me side for weeks.   But now - 6 months later - life is back to normal for them all.

I'll be praying for you both.  Good luck!

Maureen

[Ella]

Wow! Thank you all so much. What a great site and great place to get comfort and support.
I am traveling with my Mom and Dad. My mother is actually from the Baltimore area originally and I have lived in the area myself so the area is a little familiar.
My baby will stay with her Dad (my husband), the new nanny that she knows and likes and my sister whom my baby adores lives next door.
I think that it is for the best. Having to go through a 15 hour flight, live out of a hotel, adjust to a 7 hour time difference – and all this without having your mom (me) around – is too much for my baby. That's what I think. I also think it would be too hard on my husband. Being with our baby 24/7 for 2 weeks is just too much.
If it would have been the other way around (my husband in hospital) – I would have taken her, but it's not the same. She is more connected to me.
I pray for each of you and am thinking of you too – I have 1 baby which is difficult. Having a few kids must be heart breaking.
But as you all know – we did not choose this situation, we can only try to make the best of the situation and hope that time will heal all wounds and that the time will go by quickly. I will write after I come back quicker than it seems.
OH. Of course if I see that after surgery I feel healthy and ready to conquer the world – my husband will make the trip – but that's a big if.
THANKS to all of you. I greatly appreciate your thoughts and support.
Ella

[Jim Scott]

Ella ~

Although I didn't post on it, I followed this thread and I'm pleased to learn that you found a comfortable solution to your problem of who would take care of your baby while you're in the hospital.  I think the sister/nanny/husband plan is a good one and I trust your young daughter will do just fine and your surgery will be successful. 

Jim

[Ella]

Hello Again,

It is 3 weeks after surgery and I have been home for 1 week.
Leaving my baby in israel was the right decision. In the first week I was out of it and there was no way I could see her. She was better off in her routine. It was VERY difficult to be away from my husband – but it had to be done. My parents took good care of me.
Recovery is as expected – one day at a time. My baby is a bit confused as to why I don't pick her up – but I will in 3 more weeks.
Thanks to all. You've been a great comfort.
My prayers goes to everyone and their families.
Ella

[Jim Scott]

Ella ~

Congratulations on a successful surgery!  I'm so pleased to learn that this worked out for you, your baby and your husband.  Time passes and you'll be holding your baby soon.  Meanwhile, thanks for updating us and know that you're welcome to post accounts of your progress anytime you want.   

Jim

[Keri]

Hi Ella,
Thank you for letting us know how this all worked out for you and your family. I wish you well in your  continued recovery.
Keri