House Brackmann 6. Pictures.

[CROOKEDSMILE]

Yep. I am getting brave. Not only did I allow my picture to be taken this week with my kids but I am posting pictures that I have hidden for almost 2 years now because I feel like people can learn alot from them and also have some hope that some more movement does return. I still can't move my forehead and still wear an external lid weight. My mouth is symmetrical and my smile is okay after the liquid facelift. My facial expressions are very limited but I am grateful for whatever I get back. I don't think people truly understand the ramifications and the emotional turmoil along with physical discomfort..........on a daily basis resulting from facial paralysis. I don't want to scare anyone but intend this to be educational and as a form of therapy for myself as I NEVER thought I would EVER let anyone see these. I've learned PATIENCE and 21 months later am still getting twitches every once in awhile which I hope is good. They are in no certain order. I am 21 months post op. I posted a current picture somewhere on the forum if you're interested.
Angie
(oh boy......it's tough pushing the post button.)
This is House Brackmann 6. No movement at all. No tone.
. THis is cellulitis after removal of platinum eyelid weight. Requires urgent treatment. (eats the skin). Notice alot of time had passed and I have symmetry of my mouth.
. Bell's Phenomonen upon trying to close eye. THis is a protective reflex for the safety of your cornea. I'm doing my best to close eye.
Notice dimpling in chin like a charley horse. Ouch! ALso pulls down the mouth. Botox relaxes this and gives great comfort and improvement in smile which I get every 3 months.
Surgeon put 1.8 platinum eyelid weight in. Caused eyelid to droop and had to walk around holding eyelid up most of the time to where I could see out of that eye. Finally had weight taken out 3 months later.

. Doing my favorite thing at our cabins in the U.P. (Michigan) near Copper Harbor. Notice eye patch. Protect your eye especially outdoors. I wore this for 6 months almost nonstop.
. Surgery paralyzed my swallowing nerve. Didn't eat or drink by mouth for over a month. Lost 20 pounds. Was tube fed. (couldn't resize this for some reason. sorry.)
I'll go ahead and post the current photo. Still very restricted facial expressions and wearing external eyelid weight. 1.0 gram weight

[alwaysthere]

Angie,

  To start with, thank you for letting those of us who have not had surgery yet see what  could happen. Now, when I look at the pictures I see a very beautiful person. I'm not kidding, you are really pretty and I bet you are that pretty deep inside of you too. That is what people see, how you are inside not outside.

Patty

[leapyrtwins]

I don't think people truly understand the ramifications and the emotional turmoil along with physical discomfort..........on a daily basis resulting from facial paralysis.

Angie -

you have definitely been through a lot and you are definitely to be commended for it.  Your pictures tell an amazing tale of the struggle you've been through and the resulting beautiful face you now have.  I shall never be as physically beautiful - and my facial paralysis was extremely short-lived.

But, I respectfully disagree that people don't truly understand the ramifications, emotional turmoil and physical discomfort of facial paralysis on a daily basis.  There are many on the forum who have dealt with huge issues such as yours - Nancyann and Kaybo are the two first and foremost in my mind.  There are also many AN patients who don't participate in the forum who have had these same issues - the article by the ANA board member from Alaska that was in the last issue of Notes is another good example.  And while I can only imagine what they - and you - have been through, I think I have a pretty good idea of what it entails. 

I think it's great that you are willing to share your pictures and your experience with others to let them know what they may go through; you are a very strong woman.   But I also want to point out that life is what you make of it and a positive attitude and a recognition that beauty is only skin-deep are important things to keep in mind.

No doubt about it, you've had a very bumpy road, but I'm sure when you husband and sons look at you they see a extremely beautiful wife and mother - inside and out.  Try to focus on that.

Hugs, 

Jan

[Jeanlea]

Angie,

Thanks for being brave enough to post your pictures.  I can tell it was difficult for you, but your choice to help others was so good.  Seeing the changes you have been through over time will be so helpful to many people. 

On another note, I was excited to see that you come to the UP of Michigan.  That's where I live!  I'm in Menominee County. 

Jean

[EJTampa]

Hi Angie,
 
We all have our own little AN journeys to go on, and everyones is different.  Yours was unfortunately filled with setbacks, which understandably caused a lot of emotional heartache.  Let me say this though.  Your story and pictures will do wonders for the next person who wakes up from surgery with a "6".  You have come such a long way, and look wonderful on your last picture.  But more importantly, you ARE a wonderful person on the inside!  Thanks so much for sharing this with everyone, and I know that others will take great strength from your post!
 
Ernie

[NancyMc]

Thank you for sharing, Angie.
I'm very happy that you have worked hard and found solutions for your discomfort.  You are very young and beautiful and have a happy life ahead.
That's a successful outcome.
My journey is just beginning, and you give me great hope for a good long term outcome.  I know, just surviving is a good outcome, so I'm not disappointed at all, believe me.  I have my first public outing today with new AN friends at the brunch and with old friends at Dave's pub gig tonight.  Other than the electrician who came to repair lighting and the AAA guy who came to jump a dead battery, no one has seen the new me.  They registered a bit of a shock even though they knew I had gone in for surgery.
Continued success,
Nancy

[CROOKEDSMILE]

But, I respectfully disagree that people don't truly understand the ramifications, emotional turmoil and physical discomfort of facial paralysis on a daily basis.  There are many on the forum who have dealt with huge issues such as yours - Nancyann and Kaybo are the two first and foremost in my mind.  There are also many AN patients who don't participate in the forum who have had these same issues - the article by the ANA board member from Alaska that was in the last issue of Notes is another good example.  And while I can only imagine what they - and you - have been through, I think I have a pretty good idea of what it entails. 
Jan.


Clarification......I'm not talking about people with facial paralysis. I'm talking about i.e. my friends, hubby, etc. Of course people WITH paralysis understand it..they've gone through it and some deal with it forever.
Angie

[lori67]

Well, I certainly understand the ramifications - I went into surgery with a fully functioning face and perfect hearing in my AN ear.  Woke up with no hearing in that ear and a H-B  of 6.  18 months post op, I had progressed to a 5.  Now more than 2 years out, I'm probably about a 4, after my 7-12,  with hopes of getting to a 3 eventually.

You can choose to look at the glass as half full or half empty.  As far as I'm concerned, mine is all the way full, and probably overflowing - and it doesn't bother me that my glass usually has a straw in it!     I have a lot of other "quirks", as my husband says, and that is just one of them now.  I believe it was Ghandi who said "No one can hurt me without my permission".  I'm certainly no Ghandi, but I choose to not let the opinions of strangers hurt me. 

And, yes, I have had a nerve graft surgery done to try to improve the function of my face, but I like to keep in mind that no matter how much work I do on the outside, no surgeon can change what's on the inside and as long as I'm happy with the inside, the outside doesn't matter so much.  That's just the package we come in and doesn't say anything about the quality of the product!    I am surrounded by beautiful family members and friends - beautiful on the inside - some of them aren't so beautiful on the outside ( I won't name names!   ) but that doesn't bother me or change the way I treat them, so I assume the way I look doesn't bother them either.

Anyway, I'll get off my soapbox now.  I just wanted to let any newbies know that there are much worse things in the world than facial paralysis.  You can choose how you let it affect you or not affect you.  The important thing is that you survived brain surgery.

 Angie, thank you for posting your pictures.  I think it's important for people to see how much progress you've made.  I think you look great - and frankly, I wouldn't care if you looked like you'd been hit in the face with a bag of nickles, I see the beauty on the inside - and I'm sure everyone else does too.

Lori
please forgive the typos - this computer is having it's own issues today!  I'm ready to throw it thru the window!!

[CROOKEDSMILE]

Hi all,
I have posted these pictures to GIVE people hope. To show that even a 6 on House Brackmann does get better over time. I have a beautiful life. I also want it to be an educational tool for people who wake up with paralysis scared to death to see that it does improve. It is hard but does get easier over time with the support of family and friends and faith in God and people who understand. I guess the nurse is coming out in me and I LOVE education when it comes to medical so it is only natural of me to show these and to explain for those that are new w/paralysis the medical stuff and how to best care for the ramifications/complications. Posting my paralysis pictures was just as much a therapy for me as I hope it will be for others. I am working on my full glass and being proactive to get it overflowing again!
Now back to the REAL reason this post started............TO SHOW THAT IT DOES GET BETTER! and LIFE IS GOOD. (especially when I'm catching those huge Pike fish in Michigan. I caught more than my hubby~)
Angie

[MAlegant]

Angie,
Amazing pics, and helpful I'm sure to others.  You are truly beautiful and clearly you have been through a lot.  Thank you for posting the pictures; I know it was hard. BTW, you even looked good with a feeding tube in your nose.  What does that say?
Best,
M

[CROOKEDSMILE]

My kids called it my elephant trunk!
Angie

[leapyrtwins]

Angie -

Thanks for the clarification about people like your husband and friends not really understanding facial paralysis.  I guess I'm just not the type that really cares that others think - at least not enough to stop me from living my life.  And I've always felt that those who judged me for my personal appearance weren't really the ones I wanted for friends in the first place, much less in the end.

When I first contemplated getting a BAHA I had a lot of questions from family, friends, and coworkers about what "others" would think of a titanium rod implanted into my head.  My parents went so far as to suggest that if I had this procedure I might never date or get married again - like that was first and foremost in my mind    My response was "I really don't care what anyone thinks".  If was my theory that if it bothered someone or they didn't "understand", that was their problem - not mine.  And as far as potential dates or husbands went - if they didn't like me the way I was why would I ever even consider being with them?

I realize a BAHA isn't facial paralysis, just using it as an example. 

Life is full of shallow people - and you'll encounter lots of them.  Don't let it influence the way you live your life.  Don't let it interfere with the memories - photographic or otherwise - that you make with your sons.

You're doing a great job of trying to see the glass as full - I'm just concerned that you are spending way too much time, effort, and money trying to get there.  And I have to wonder if you are doing that for you - or for others who just don't like you the way "you are".

Self-confidence and a good attitude will get you far - with or without facial paralysis.  Believe in yourself 

Jan

Oh, BTW, are you really a nurse?  or was that just a figure of speech?

[CROOKEDSMILE]

Thanks Jan for your response and advice,
I am a registered nurse going on 13 years in mostly pediatrics. Most of my career was spent at Arkansas Children's Hospital then left nursing for medical sales at Hill-Rom and got tired of the constant travel. Now I'm a stay at home mom. (in between soccer games, tennis practice, golf lessons, guitar lessons, etc. etc. with the boys) Don't really understand why they call it a "stay-at-home" mom~ (I'm never at home) BTW....I adore them.
Angie

[leapyrtwins]

I've always found the term "stay-at-home" mom very interesting - the same way I've always found the term "working mother" redundant    Funny how no one ever refers to "working fathers" 

I never realized you were a nurse - we seem to have a lot of them here: Lori, Cheryl, Debbie (oHIo), and many more I can't recall right now.

[arkansasfarmgirl]

Thank you for that Angie.  :-)  I think you're way braver than I am to post your post surgery pics--but you looked way better than I did too! LOL I realize even more, though, how lucky I was that I was able to eat, swallow and talk well from the very beginning.  Seeing your smile after all that gives me hope that mine will come back too.  I'm halfway there...
Vonda