When others in your life find out, do they leave your life?

[Larry]

Some touching and sad stories in this thread.
I am pretty lucky with a very supportive family and friends. Although i must say, some of my so called friends are really now in the acquaintence category.

My younger daughter who is now 20 (well in 2 weeks anyway) has Bulimia which is a rather serious illness in its own right. She is fighting it very hard and she is a wonderful support to me. She puts her own issues aside for mine which i find hard to handle sometimes coz I know what she is going through. I am a fairly private person and don't like my medical issues to be the centre of discussion so i move on from it fairly quickly. Although when those headaches come on, its pretty hard to disguise.

I must also add though, its through the tough times like having an AN, where you really find out who your friends and "true family" are. I classify a true friend as someone that will go out of their way to help you.

Anyway, this Cyber family is pretty special to me and I feel very privaledged to be part of it (excusing the main reason for having to join it of course).

Larry

[cookiesecond]

My AN journey has been filled with many positives. My friends and family were very supportive during my decision making process.
The day before we left to go to the hospital our church blessed us with a love offering.Our pastor, my parents, my mother in law,my brother, his girlfriend, 2 sister in laws, a neice, my children and granddaughter drove the four hours to the hospital for my surgery.My sister came the next day and stayed until I came home. I am very blessed!!!
I was readmitted to the hospital for meningitis and my family stayed with me around the clock. My first hospital stay was for 6 days and the next was for 10. After two weeks my husband returned to work. He works at night but my family stayed with me at night for 6 weeks. They also prepared meals for us during that time.
We received many cards and calls during this time. My Sunday school class made cards for me and my sister put them up in each hospital room I was in. I met a wonderful doctor during this difficult time. Dr. Calvin Cunningham.He is my primary doctor and he has been wonderful. He continues to check on me.God has placed many special people along this journey and I will be forever grateful.This has been my first experience with support from cyber friends but you guys are great and have really been there for me. You will never know how special you are.Thanks!!!
Lynn

[ppearl214]

I have to admit that the "lonely" feeling has been of late for me but I know I am certainly not "alone" (ah, there is a true difference between the 2!).  My phones and such may be quiet at home, but knowing you all are here, well, hell... I am FAR from alone!  I can't thank you all enough!

Phyl

[littlemissrory]

Strangely, I see the disappearances of those people as a blessing in disguise...there were only a few.  I had to ask myself,  are they really my true friends?  I thought they were until this happened and then I was forced to realize they were not.  People have difficulty confronting illness/mortality- the interesting thing for me was that my best friend had the most fear of all things hospital...and she NEVER left my side- even for blood draws (she's a fainter)...she stood through it.  The best part...so many people came out of the woodwork in support, the caring was incredible.  I now know my TRUE friends...I wish the best of luck to those that disappeared on me, I wouldn't want them around anyway.

Almost two years post-op and I see more positives from the experience than negatives.  Don't get me wrong, I NEVER want to have to do it again...but I can look at all the changes, friends and life directions as extremely good.

Best wishes to all of you,
Rory

[Jules]

I had the same thing happen to me.  A man I had been seeing made it clear we were just friends (although I never heard another word from him other than the occasional HI if I saw him at lunch). 

Certain relatives who I believed I was close to never contacted me once during my recovery and some friends expected me to do all the work to keep the relationship going.  They never visited or called to see how I was - they called so I could help them with their problems.

HOWEVER, I received support from people I barely knew or from whom I least expected.  They became such blessings in my life.  For example, clients from my office sent cards, plants, called, etc.  Friends of my parents sent cards.  And, women I was in college with at the time became a constant source of support and encouragement.  I was also blessed to have one of my sisters and one of my friends go through the entire ordeal with me - no matter how bad it got.

The blessing far outweighed what I lost and I have become a better person because of it.


Jules

[ppearl214]

I had to share with you all what I did today.

There was a "friend" in my life for over 20 years... we've been through so much together in that time.

Last year when I got my AN diagnosis, I told her in person what was going on. Now, understand that when a friend is in crisis mode, she is always the first to jump in, lend a hand, take control of the minute things to off-load the person in crisis.

Not a phone call.. nothing. I tell her and not a word.

Anyway, we sent each other holiday cards in December. Nice.... still no phone calls. Now, should I feel guilty about not picking up the phone sooner? Mebbe.

Anyway, I've stopped by her place of employment (retail store) many times over the past months but never caught her there. So, today, I try again.  She's there.

Someone goes to get her for me... she comes out and sees me... minor smile. I go to her and give her a BIG hug, tell her how much I have missed her.  She proceeds to tell me that she has called (has all 5 of my phone numbers but never got a message or "missed call" from her). She said she sent email... no emails rec'd.  Many here have learned about me is that I always answer my phone.. and if buisy, I explain and always call back. I always call back.

Her son is there. Now, I've known him since he was 3 years old.. .he's now in his late 20's.  He sees me, BIG old hug, kisses, etc.  He sees me with my cane for the very first time.. asks how I am. I ask him if his mom told him, he knows nothing.  Seems he has moved out of his folks home. I give him my business card and ask him to call sometime. I'll take him to dinner.  He's always, always been dear to me.

She says the phone calls go both ways. I agree with her. I ask about her mum (who I've been VERY close to over the years) and she proceeds to tell me about her recent health issues.  I ask about her husband and work... not a question back to me about me.  I give her my card with all updated info (phone, mobile numbers, emails, etc).  I hug her tight again, tell her how much I have missed her. The hug truly wasn't reciprocated.

I'm hurt.  Just hurt... but I'll live.

I know that I tried. I know that I was sincere with her. If I never hear again, I know now I have closure as I tried my best to reach out. 

It's ok... I'll be fine... it just hurts. Tomorrow is a new day.

Phyl

[Crazycat]

I was pretty much left for dead by some people I thought were friends. I still have a hard time believing people could be like that. The crazy thing is, after everything  I went through, I was and still am in better physical condition than they'll ever be in! Wow........

              Paul

[shoegirl]

Phyl,

Admire you for putting yourself out there.  Takes alot of courage to reachout to those who have seemed to disappeared for whatever reason.  I haven't know you very long but you are an absolute sweetheart.  Your "friend" should be ashamed of herself.  She should be lucky to have you and I am certain someday she will realize it.

Chin up! 

[matti]

I understand your pain. I went through something very similar a couple of years ago. Still hurts when I think about it all. Some things we will never really know the answers to. Maybe your friend was caught off guard today...who knows, but hopefully she will think about your visit today and realize what she is losing. You are a such wonderful person Phyl and most people would not have done what you did today, they would have written her off long ago. Your friend has to see by your visit how important she is to you.

I think she knows she dropped the ball from the beginning, the deeper you get into something, the harder it is to get out.

Phyl I really think you have given it all you can at this point. I am so sorry this has happend to you, you have been through way too much this year.

Take care and hugs to you
Cheryl

[Jack Palmer]

It is human nature.

"Laugh and the world laughs with you,
Weep and you weep alone,
for the world must borrow its mirth,
but has problems enough of its own."

[ppearl214]

thanks all for the nice words... I recently tried the same with phone messages with another friend of over 15 years.... Kate (my best friend) sees her on occassion. Told Kate I've left a couple of phone messages and no call backs. Kate can't figure it either. Oh, well.  I've tried, I have to admit that I cried myself to sleep last  night.  I guess it's all part of the "mourning" process of when you lose (what you think to be) important folks in your life.  But, hey... it's another day, my CB called me first thing to say good morning and the sun is bright here in Boston. I'll take it!

You all rawk and your words are TRULY appreciated. Onward and upward!

xoxoxoo to you all!
Phyl

[Captain Deb]

Being a "victim" of other peoples thoughtlessness sucks and you just released yourself from that role--Bravo Phyll.  Don't think you have that "victim" role in your psychological repertoir at all.  Lots of people don't know about releasing themselves from that role. You are definitely a survivor, not a victim! 
Hugs and Kissies
Capt Deb

[ppearl214]

thanks our fearless Pirate Wench!  I really do appreciate it... doing better today and just moving on.. all I can do, right?

xoxoxoxox

[Captain Deb]

YIKES!!!!

I just joined the ranks of the Superwenches, Phyll and Batty!!!  I AM NOW A HERO!!!!!

Capt Deb

[Battyp]

Yeah Capt Deb...quick someone order more super wench super spandex!