So, I live alone ... post-op care?

[Jeepers]

My plan is to call my doc this week to set up an appt to talk one last time and ask him to set me up for surgery. Seeing Adrienne's post about being scheduled in only 11 days  has me freaked, as I've got to get some/several things in order. I live alone - no kids - just one remaining cat.

My ex-husband has offered to come in (he lives several states away) and stay with me. I do need someone to care for my cat while hospitalized and, I suspect, someone to be around once I get home.

Anyone here also live alone and had to make arrangements for someone to be with them? Necessary? For how long?

[Kaybo]

Hi Jeepers~
I would say that you definitely will need someone to help care for you when you first come home from the hospital.  Some people do great right away, but I think the standard rule that we tell people is to plan for help for 2 weeks...and if you don't "need" it that long then they can go on.  Usually after that, you are OK to be by yourself, but might need someone to check on you or run errands for a while.  I know that Lori made & froze meals ahead to help after her surgery since she didn't have a lot of help right where she was.

K

[CHD63]

Jeepers ....

With your history of a slow growing AN and several years of W & W I think it is unlikely that you would be scheduled that quickly for surgery.  At least I think you would have some options for choosing a later date in order to get everything in order.

As for being alone afterwards, some of it depends upon your personality and your post-op physical situation but I was very grateful to have someone around for the first week after I got home.  My post-op was uncomplicated but I did have major balance issues so having someone there reduced my fear of falling.

Hopefully a friend (or your ex) can step in and help out with your kitty and you!  

Clarice

[Jeepers]

Thanks, Kaybo ... that's helpful to know.

CHD63 - For insurance reasons, I will be probably be scheduled within a month or so. 

[leapyrtwins]

Jeepers -

unless you are on very good terms with your ex, I'm not sure you want to go there.  Post op recovery can be very frustrating - basically due to the physical restrictions placed on you by your doc and from extreme fatigue.  Your temper may be short at times; your attitude may be less than stellar.  You may find you are very impatient and argumentative - I know I was (and that wasn't just my everyday normal behavior, either  ).

I didn't even tell my ex I'd had brain surgery until just a few months ago (and my AN surgery was almost 2 years ago); but then again you might be on friendlier terms with your ex than I am with mine.

Although you want someone who can deal with the "physical" stuff - like cleaning your house, taking care of your cat, doing your laundry and your cooking, running your errands, driving you to the doctor, etc. - IMO it's just as important to have someone who can support you emotionally.

If your relationship with your ex will allow that, by all means consider him.  If not, I'd ask friends, family, and/or neighbors to help out.  It's always hard to ask others for support like this, but you'll be surprised to see how many people will be willing to help you if you just ask them.

Jan     

[leapyrtwins]

Jeepers -

found this recent thread by DLM4me http://anausa.org/forum/index.php?topic=8962.0  you might find some of the responses helpful.

There are other threads on the forum about post op care, but this was the first one I came across.

Jan

[Adrienne]

I'm about 10 days post op right now, and finally had a bit of energy today.  I spent the first 5 days in the hospital, and the rest at home with my mom in town to help out.  I think the guestimate of having someone for 2 weeks  post hospital is a good one.  I consider myself very lucky with minimal side effects, but can't imagine not having had someone here to do the cooking for me and cleaning up.  The first few days were pretty much in bed the entire time, with only short bouts up and about.

If I *had* to, I could probably do it on my own now as long as I got lots of rest during the day (b/c I have young kids).  I could muster up some meals and generally take care of myself.   So hard to guess though, based on whether you'll have dizzy/balance issues to deal with on top of everything else.  I think that would make the recovery so much harder/longer.

Hope you figure something out.  Definitely plan to have someone with you that first week home.......

Adrienne

[Jeepers]

Thanks, Adrienne! That's very helpful information. My ex is available and, thankfully, more than willing to come in for as long as necessary. I do have a hard time asking people for help. When I told one of my co-workers who also lives nearby, she instantly wrote down her phone number and gave it to me, saying call anytime I need a ride, groceries, or any other errand or assistance. That's as sincere an offer as you can get!

I hope your recovery proceeds uneventful and comfortably. And all you folks with young 'uns deserve one big, fat hug ... {{{{{{Adrienne}}}}}   

[Kaybo]

Jeepers~
I don't think it is EASY for any of us to ask for help, but when people sincerely offer - TAKE THEM UP ON IT!!  They wouldn't offer if they didn't mean it!  So many times, people hear the horrid words "brain surgery" and want to do something SO BAD, but just don't know WHAT you need but will do anything - even the things that seem little and insignificant to us!

K

[Lilan]

A man I work with is always going to the post office and supplying stamps for peope -- he stopped by my desk on Thursday to see if I needed stamps! I almost burst into tears!    I have all these thank you cards to send now and afterward and I SO wanted some cute stamps to put on them -- but the p.o. is farther than I'm comfortable walking right now in my dizzy state! I was so thrilled just to have stamps bought for me -- the small gestures and errands make a big difference!

I asked my friends last night to just think of me when they go to the grocery store or Target for the next couple months -- the big things are taken care of but I know there might be days when I'm like, "yes! I need dental floss!" or "yes, can you pick me up some blueberries!" or whatnot, when I can't just jump in the car and get it myself. So the people who won't be doing tons of things for me, but who want to help in some way, can do things like that. I also told them just having someone to come make a 20-minute visit or take a walk with me would be great.

Those of us who live alone, this is particularly hard for I think -- we're used to doing everything ourselves so it takes a minute to think about what we can easily delegate! 

[Adrienne]

Kaybo is correct when she says that so many people will want to help and not know what to do.  I have literally been in TEARS several times during this healing process, thinking about all of the wonderful ways that friends and acquaintances have helped out/stepped up.  I recall one time when the phone rang and I physically could NOT talk so I didn't answer it.  The machine went off and I could hear a friend's voice leaving a message to tell me that she had just checked up on my daughter and she was doing well.  She had arranged a ride home for her, and everything was organized/sorted out.  At the same time, my mom was answering the door, receiving a gift of food that was made for us for dinner that night.  It was overwhelming to me how helpful everyone was.

I have a hard time with help too, but knew I would need it this time.  So when people offered ahead of the surgery, instead of going with my gut instinct which normally would have said "Oh THANK YOU, but I think I'll be O.K.", instead I said "Oh THANK YOU.  I'm sure I will LOVE 'xxxxxxxxxxx' (fill in the blank)".  That made people feel like whatever they did, it would be appreciated.  And it is.

Start practicing 'receiving' the help now, even just verbally when you interact with people.  And then, when people give you those numbers to help. PLEASE call them and ask for even just little things like picking you up a couple of groceries when they normally go get their own.  I've found people to be SO happy to help and feel needed/appreciated!

Good luck!

[msmaggie]

Having someone prepare meals that can go in the freezer and pulled out as needed would be a real blessing.  Even though I did really well after surgery (meningioma instead of AN), the energy required to execute the planning, shopping, and preparation was beyond me.  Most people are delighted to fix a little something or supply gift certificates for you.  If they ask....accept with a smile!!

Priscilla

[CHD63]

Adrienne is so right that it is sooooooo much easier to give than to receive!  Just know that although you are receiving now, you have given to others in the past and will again in the future.  Let others have the joy of giving right now .....

This may be a hijack ...... and off the topic ..... but I always try to take little things (little boxes of candy, notecards, etc.) to my homebound friends that they can give to others because it is one of many joys taken away from them.  And, as recovering ANers we are temporarily in that situation.

Clarice

[leapyrtwins]

I don't think it is EASY for any of us to ask for help, but when people sincerely offer - TAKE THEM UP ON IT!!  They wouldn't offer if they didn't mean it! 

I'm with Kaybo - and Adrienne and Priscilla.  Take any and all offers you can get.  You will need help and if someone is not willing they generally won't offer.

Jan

[JudyT]

I too live alone. I am a widow of 14 years. I had CK 4 years ago. I had time to adjust to being alone but not at asking for help....this is difficult for me to do. Now, with all my issues, I must hire help in the house and garden. I am more comfortable paying some one to do these tasks. I have wonderful friends that are very supportive and helpful on a daily basis if I need it though. I don't have family close except for youngest son...he's very good to keep in touch. My 17 yearold grand daughter is super good at tending to Nanny.....she's wonderful to come and stay or drive me around. I don't know if it benevolence or my car...ha ha. She's very special. People in general are very busy and I just hate to ask as I live in the country on acerage.
Judy