ANA Discussion Forum
AN Community => AN Community => Topic started by: Joef on June 18, 2012, 12:34:20 pm
-
It’s been a while for me… while I have been active behind the scenes here , even that had been lacking lately.. . Phyl and others – I’m sure you and others have noticed that I am always by MYSELF at the ANA brunches…. I guess there is a reason for that .. my wife asked me for a divorce ... I am heart-broken … We have never really fought over anything (her words not mine)… she claims she’s just not happy and there is no one else… at least there are no kids… but throwing away 20 years…. And not sure what’s going to happen next.
So, any 40+ single females not busy ?
ALSO .. for those on my facebook page... please no not mention this, as work and friends that dont know yet.. and it should
come from me.
-
So sorry to hear that now and having to go through what we have it is distressing and especially reading that most of the people on the forum have a significant other to help them get through this it is so hard to do it alone ... I hope you do have other family members siblings, cousins to help you on an emotional level going through this process of a divorce. Things seem to work out and I am sure it will for you as well.
Best Wishes,
-
Joe ~
I'm terribly sorry to learn of this upheaval in your life after a 20-year marriage. Not having children is a blessing, of sorts as is the fact that, heart breaking as this must be for you, at least there isn't another man in the picture, which often makes the already-stressful divorce process even more toxic. You are totally correct in your assertions that breaking the news to your family and circle of friends should come from you and no one else. About the only positive aspect of this is that at 40, you can still have a 'second chance' at marital happiness. I wish you that and more as you face this challenge and begin a new chapter in your life.
If you need to take a further hiatus from moderator duties here, I'm sure Judy V. will understand, just as I do (and I trust that goes for Phyl and Jay, too). Let us know, preferably on the Moderator forum. Thanks.
Jim
-
I am so sorry. What a shock. I've had lots of divorce in my family; it's very difficult.
I hope you can be surrounded with friends who care and support you.
Keri
-
I'm at a loss for words... and yes, my gut told me something was up (as you know). Been there, done that.... Joe, I am SO sorry to hear this. You know how to find me if I can be of help.... or not. Hang in there, m'friend. Will check on you later.
Hang tough just doesn't sound right, but it's the best I got right now.
Phyl
It’s been a while for me… while I have been active behind the scenes here , even that had been lacking lately.. . Phyl and others – I’m sure you and others have noticed that I am always by MYSELF at the ANA brunches…. I guess there is a reason for that .. my wife asked me for a divorce ... I am heart-broken … We have never really fought over anything (her words not mine)… she claims she’s just not happy and there is no one else… at least there are no kids… but throwing away 20 years…. And not sure what’s going to happen next.
So, any 40+ single females not busy ?
ALSO .. for those on my facebook page... please no not mention this, as work and friends that dont know yet.. and it should
come from me.
-
joef -
I realized you weren't on the Forum that often, but mistakenly figured you were out having fun. My bad :P
My marriage ended in divorce after 22 years, but we had numerous issues - plus two children to disagree over. It was one of the hardest times in my life, but I got through it - and you will get through it too.
Be good to yourself and allow yourself to grieve - but don't stop living.
You were one of the people who was instrumental in my decision to get the BAHA implant, so I owe you big time. Don't hesitate to PM or email me if you need to talk - if nothing else we can curse lawyers and their outrageous hourly rates ;)
I'm not in your neck of the woods, but if I ever get there drinks are on me.
Hang in there,
Jan
-
I'm not in your neck of the woods, but if I ever get there drinks are on me.
Joe, dang good reason to get her out to our area! :) Take her up on it! :) I've met her and seen her in action! :) Phyl
-
joef -
I realized you weren't on the Forum that often, but mistakenly figured you were out having fun. My bad :P
I've had some fun ... a new kayak this spring (its more sail boat ) just not with my wife :(
thanks for the kind words, I realize this to shall pass.... I just wish a could fast forward this part ! we both make simular money.... and with no kids, I'm hoping for a quick and easy split of assets. I rather have a brain tumor than go thu this :o
Phyl , loss of words? (has that ever happen before?) ;D ;D
-
Joe
Phyl a loss for words...hahaha NE-ways my heart goes out to you during this trying time. God will not give you what you cannot handle. Or at least thats how the saying goes. Keep your head up and hang on for the ride. Sooner or later the ride will run out of gas and you will move on ;)
Mindy
-
Hey! I resemble those remarks!!!!!!!!!!!! ;D
Joe, check your cellphone... you got vmail! :)
Phyl
-
I, too, am at a loss for words - I am so sorry that you are having to go thru this...you are definitely in my thoughts and prayers!
K
-
Hey! I resemble those remarks!!!!!!!!!!!! ;D
Joe, check your cellphone... you got vmail! :)
Phyl
Thanks for the voice mail ... its good to hear! :)
-
Hey! I resemble those remarks!!!!!!!!!!!! ;D
Joe, check your cellphone... you got vmail! :)
Phyl
Thanks for the voice mail ... its good to hear! :)
Where's Dionne Warwick when I need her! "That's what friends are for....................." :)
-
yep ... had a night of beers :o at my friends house (who was my best man at our "wedding"). Anyway, I do feel a LOT better.... 8) . Looking forward to the new chapter of life....
-
I too am sorry to hear about this huge loss on your life.
Karen
-
Sorry you are going through this ... me and my ex split after 19 years and had 4 teenage sons when we did ...
it was hard and gut wrenching but we both came out the other side better people ... in our case there was abuse ... I grew strong and no one will ever abuse me again ...he got long needed help and is in long term (14 year ) relationship but doesn't want to remarry ... I remarried and have a great husband in Bo and twbeautifulul daughters
and you know what ? I still miss him sometimes ... spent about half our marriage trying to leave the situation and sometimes I miss him ...it may be song or a comment that brings him to mind ... or my when Bo refuses to let me use the chainsaw when he knows that for 17 years I managed ABC Trees , a tree surgery company me and my ex owned and could swing an chainsaw with the best of them ... we are civil and can talk without anger or fear ... we have 4 kids and 8 grandchildren in common so will always be connected ... we are back to where we started ... friends ... and it is good ...I am happy he is a changed man in a good relationship and he is happy for me ... he thanked my Bo for taking care of me and being a good step father to his sons ... I almost know for certain that one of us wouldn't be here if we stayed together
I dbelievebelive in divorce thappenedappend to me ...
all that said , what I was trying to convey is that there is life after divorce ... you will have ups and downs , hopefully more ups than downs ... look for life and catch hold of it ... sounds like you have already done this ...hope things go as good as they can for you ... will keep you in my thoughts
-
Hi Joe,
I have been divorced many years--dated some but just haven't met that special someone--recently went back on the on-line dating sites.. Figured I'm not getting any younger (am 63 now) and really don't want to grow old alone. Nothing to write home about yet, but I'm hopeful I will eventually connect with that special someone who brings a smile to my lips.
I know right now that's probably the last thing in your mind, but when you are ready and can comfortably leave the past behind, there is a whole world of new adventures awaiting you!
Take care and my best wishes to you, Joe! ;D
Sincerely, Mary (aka GrammyMary)
-
Hi Joef,
Wondering how you're doing these days... hope things are looking up.
Soundy - what a touching story of your experience.. never knew these things. Thanks for honestly sharing your story and your perspective - which does have a very good 'up' side to it.
Mary - I wish you well in finding the special someone.
-
Joef -
like Keri, I've been wondering about you too.
Hope things are better,
Jan
-
Aww Joe, it's a rough road but there is light at the end. I speak from experience. Take your time in looking for that 40+ lady; when the time is right you will know.
Take care and know we'll be thinking of you.
-
at this point.. I just want it over... and actually looking forward to it !!... new ideas for the house ... hooking up with old friends ... the Kitchen needs a beer tap ;D
I've not been to the NE bunch in a while.... Mary will you be my date ? :)
Hi Joe,
I have been divorced many years--dated some but just haven't met that special someone--recently went back on the on-line dating sites.. Figured I'm not getting any younger (am 63 now) and really don't want to grow old alone. Nothing to write home about yet, but I'm hopeful I will eventually connect with that special someone who brings a smile to my lips.
I know right now that's probably the last thing in your mind, but when you are ready and can comfortably leave the past behind, there is a whole world of new adventures awaiting you!
Take care and my best wishes to you, Joe! ;D
Sincerely, Mary (aka GrammyMary)
-
Know very well that "just want it over" feeling :P
My divorce took almost 2 years, but then again we were fighting over the kids and who would get stuck with the house. The money I had to spend was horrendous - had to pay 2/3's of my kids' lawyer in addition to my own (IL law). But that said, it was money well spent and one of the best things I've ever done (best for the kids too).
Sounds like you've got a good attitude, which definitely helps.
If the symposium is ever held in your neck of the woods, I'll buy you a beer (or two).
Jan
-
I don't know you however I know a.n.s are hard enough to deal with let alone a break up of a spouse of twenty years. I will pray for you. Stay strong. Please believe even in bad things are good things. That's one thing that should be a topic... a.n. s and relationships. ;)