9 months post-op (trans lab), downhill turn, and anger

[wonderactivist]

As of two weeks ago I was doing fine, working out, even writing again, fully immersed in my life like pre-AN with very few problems.  Now suddenly my vertigo is progressively worse, my tinnitus has resumed quite loudly in the bad ear, driving is dangerous, and I am fighting an overall feeling of hopelessness.

Is this an appropriate place to talk about the overall destruction this has done to our lives?  We have good insurance but still had some large bills which I just had put on a payment plan.  I had felt so hopeful.  Now I'm calling in sick, unable to work again, and possibly staring down another tumor, another fiscal year of medical bills.  Either way, the plan will fall apart if I'm unable to work.  My employer has been patient but I long since burned through any time off. 

I know I need to grin and bear it, but the effects on my husband and children just burn me up.  My original treatment was in OKC 2 hours away, so I'm trying to find a local neurosurgeon to help with the post op so I can avoid some of the time and expense.  I don't want to put my family through this again. 

Anyone else get super angry sometimes?

[Jim Scott]

Hi, Wonderactivist ~ (can we just call you 'wonder'?)   

Your feelings of despondency are perfectly normal considering the fact that you were enjoying a great recovery that has stalled and the ramifications are having a negative impact on your quality of life. 

I can assure you that after almost 8 years on these AN forums I've read of many post-op AN patients devastated by recurring symptoms, the financial burden and often, the negative impact on careers and family life. How could one not be upset by this?

Although I didn't have your post-op experience, others have and I trust they'll be posting on this thread with suggestions and their account of how they handled setbacks in their recovery.  I hope they will be of some help to you as you deal with these obstacles to your recovery.

Please try to keep us updated, as your time permits.  Thanks.

Jim

[wonderactivist]

Thank you Jim.  I am trying very hard to think positive.  Ironically, it's a lot harder to grt into a neurologist in my small city than it was in OKC.  I may ask my PCP prescribe the MRI just to save time. 

[wonderactivist]

Update: still have symptoms. My husband drove me to 3 specialist visits in the city and all I have to show  is a new medicine, amitriptyline.  My PCP has been dropped by my insurance so if I see him I have to pay 100%.  But today I am in so much pain that I no longer care about expense.  It seems like t he only ones who get consideration in our medical systems are the insurance companies. 

The general response from my specialists is, "You've been doing so well. You shouldn't be having any problems.  Here, take this pill and just curl up in your house so I don't have to bother with you.”