jim j:
I too have felt like I have had continuous problems with dizziness and lightheadedness. It started around a year before I was diagnosed, and even after translab and physical therapy I still just feel lightheaded and dizzy most of the time. I think I can fully sympathize with what you are going through. I have had multiple other health issues as well that just makes the acoustic neuroma icing on the cake. Mine was also pressing on my brain stem, which meant I was rushed into surgery pretty quickly. I was diagnosed as a 23 year old college student who (before all these health problems began) had everything going. Things have never been the same for me since either. Unfortunately I can't tell you about any therapy you haven't heard of, or any miracle cure that worked for me. I am 27 now, and still struggling everyday to keep my life together. It is so hard to get up everyday, go to work and work hard, stay positive, keep up with all the housework, and interact with people normally when you just feel horrible all the time. I not only have this foggy/dizzy/light headed feeling going on, and like many of us here single sided deafness, but I am also blind in one eye from cancer. I think that might also contribute to my dizziness. I also have mysterious stomach problems and joint pains which I haven't figured out yet. Since my initial diagnosis 4 years ago, I have had 8 surgeries including two translab brain surgeries. One 18 hours long and the other 8. My wife wants children, but my brain tumor has interfered with my fertility by causing low testosterone levels and we are working to correct that.
I wonder every day whether or not I am going to be able to live a somewhat normal life, or are my ailments going to get the best of me? Will I be able to start a family, develop a career, and push through my own misery enough to enjoy life? Can I fake normal? I am trying. One way I try to describe how I feel to people sometimes is that my brain doesn't feel properly connected to my body. What keeps me going is my wife. We started dating in high school at the ages of 14 and 15 and have basically been inseparable every since. She loves me to no end, and I love her just as much. I feel like almost all of my enjoyment in life comes from spending time with her. So I just keep going, because I don't want to let her down. I struggle a lot with guilt, because I feel like I already have let her down.
When we got married at the ages of 18 and 19, I already felt like I had the world on a string and was going to give her everything she ever wanted. My health has been such a problem that I may not even be able to give her the one thing she wants most in the world: children. That hurts. I just keep going every day though, because as long as I am still breathing I will never give up for her. I am working full time, taking full time college classes, and taking fertility drugs as well. I struggle deeply with depression, and sometimes I wonder if I can really keep this up. I am only 27, how am I gonna do this for another 40 or 50 years? It always feels like another health problem or complication is right around the corner.
I can't offer you a miraculous escape to your suffering. What I can do is let you know that there are others out there who are going through similar circumstances and that you don't have to feel alone. I can encourage you. I am not going to give up, and neither are you jim j. I know that I will struggle with these health problems for the rest of my life, and so will you. We both want back what we have lost, but life sadly doesn't work that way. There are many horrors in life, and so much pain and suffering. There is beauty, bliss, and love as well. I don't know what your relationship with your family is like, but my wife is what keeps me going. Seeing her smile and feeling her approval when I come home to her open arms at night after a long day is worth all the pain I can take.
If your family is like most, then they love you very much and want you to be a part of their lives. They know you are suffering, and probably don't know what to do to help. They forgive you for your shortcomings, because they know you are going through something they themselves aren't sure they could endure. My advice to you would be to focus on them. When you focus on yourself all you will find is your own misery, and shortcomings because of your health. Focus on them, and what you can do for them even in your present state. Even if it is just being there, in their lives. If you are anything like me, then leave the guilt behind and forgive yourself too. I don't mean to be overly presumptuous, but I have struggled a lot with feeling bad about the way my life has turned out because of my health issues. Find enough happiness and strength in your family to endure.
Half of the game is mental. We have real physical problems that lead us to misery, but I have met many people who have endured horrible life circumstances with a grace and happiness that I can't even comprehend. Your mental state has a huge impact on the way you feel regardless of what physically ails you. I think our best bet to feel better is to focus on improving our mental state, because the physical one has already had irreparable damage done.
Best of luck,
Milhaus
