Gamma Knife in 9 Days

[KimM]

I have been reading and researching since being diagnosed on February 2, 2017.  I am scheduled for Gamma Knife in 9 days.  I feel like the anxiety is increasing my symptoms.  The ringing has increased leading to increased dizziness, loss of balance, tiredness, and nausea.  The nausea is new.

Three years ago, I had sudden loud ringing and loss of hearing.  I felt depressed but adjusted and kept going chalking it up to age.  It felt like I had fluid in my ear and if I slept with my right ear down my world went silent.  I learned to turn my head to hear people talk or in extreme situations to just explain I could not hear on the left side.

I was encouraged 3 years later to have an ENT take a look.  They tested my hearing and found it was almost completely gone, discussed a cross body hearing aid and scheduled an MRI.  I had done some prior research and knew an AN was a possibility but didn't want to think about that so didn't delve too deep. 

The MRI was done on February 1, 2017 and the doctor left a message that afternoon which I missed until after 5.  I was unable to call him back until the next day.  He told me I had an 11mm x 6 mm AN and referred me to a specialist.  He told me to research while I waited on that appointment.  I did and knew before the appointment that I did not want surgery but would go with the gamma or cyber if recommended. 

It was a relief for the specialist to show me the tumor.  I needed to see it.  He recommended the gamma.  I wanted to put it off until summer but my family said they also were stressing and to move it up.  I think as much as I am stressing I would have been a wreck by summer so I am glad they encouraged that.

I meet with the radiation oncologist Monday.  I would like to go sit and stare at the ocean for about a year.  I have seen some of you find relief in yoga.  What else helps with your stress?

[Janey]

Hi KimM,
I had gamma knife the end of April last year.  After researching the situation, I believed that would be the best mode of treatment for me.  At my six month follow-up, the tumor had not shrunk any, but my doctor said it was stable, and to repeat the MRI in one year, which will be this coming October. 
Just wanted to encourage you in your upcoming treatment - the procedure itself was so much easier than I had feared, and the past year has not brought about any symptoms that I didn't already have.
Good luck to you, and may God bless you!

[Echo]

Hi Kim,

Good luck with your Gamma Knife treatment.  I felt an immense sense of relief after I had mine and hope you do as well.

Yes, your anxiety can make your symptoms feel worse.  When you feel up to it, look into Mindfulness Meditation courses. I highly recommend finding the book - Full Catastrophe Living (Using the wisdom of your body and mind to face stress, pain and illness) by Jon Kabat-Zinn.   If you can locate a Mindfulness group that teaches the program even better.  I took the course this past winter and wish I had done so earlier.  The breathing exercises and various meditations you can learn are very calming and are now a regular part of my day. 

Cathie

[KimM]

Thank y'all for responding.  The procedure was done this morning.  They gave me a xanax and  a shot with Demerol and phenergan.  All I remember is it hurt when they put the face mask on.  Possibly it was the shots to numb my head which is still a bit numb.  I slept through the entire thing, slept all the way home, and woke up long enough to eat a little this afternoon.  I feel pretty good except for a couple of bouts of nausea and I can't stay awake. 

I will definitely be looking for the book you recommended. 

[theshawn65]

Hi Kim,

Sorry you have to be here but congrats on having it in front of you. Anxiety and stress almost always increases symptoms in my experience.

Good luck and godspeed on that thing getting smaller. It's so weird how each person has different symptoms, some with larger AN's have next to zero and some with smaller have complete hearing loss or virtigo etc....our tumor is a strange bird....

What helps me with stress? Walks, reading, documentary TV. Drinking on weekends lol, yes I said that, still haven't grown up at 52 and love to sit out on the deck listening to the wind when the weather allows with a glass of wine or beer. Focusing on how lucky I am in other areas of life or  relationships and how much worse my diagnosis of AN could have been....benign? How awesome is that? Being alive now in 2017 vs. 1917 with this tumor?....saying "it is what it is" and looking around the world to gain perspective on how much worse life could be.....

This isn't always easy because comparing myself to others is what society encourages, and focuses all too often on shallow crap....so a weekly step back time to pray, reflect and analyze my thinking helps.

May the GK be a success and the new perspective on life this tumor brings be your friend.

[KimM]

The book is ordered.  I am going to learn more about the mindfulness aspect. 

My attitude is positive and I feel good.  Thanks for the inspiring posts.  I need them!

[Echo]

Hi Kim,

Glad to hear you ordered the book.  Other resources you might find helpful are Steven Hickman and Tara Brach.
They both have great online learning tools and are excellent mindfulness teachers.

Cathie