Hi, Sarah ~
Please don't
ever feel a need to apologize for venting, here. It's allowed.
I'm sorry to learn that you're feeling disheartened and are having problems that seem to be overwhelming.
You've gone through a very unsettling experience; the AN diagnosis - a condition few people know about, much less understand, the GK and now, the aftermath with headaches and exhaustion. No wonder you're feeling a bit despondent! Who wouldn't? Add to that the usual stresses of life - often compounded at your age by the long workweeks, lack of peer support and a disappearing boyfriend - and you have a recipe for emotional distress. The best advice I can offer is that this will pass. Just as you won't always be 24, you won't always need to work so hard, you'll find a boyfriend that cares about you and friends that can sympathize and support you when you need them instead of just thinking about their pleasures, which is all-too common in your twenties. I wasn't much better then your friends at 24 - single and very self-involved. Frankly, the fact that you're responsible and fairly resilient as well as intrepid is impressive. You're very likely a much better person that you realize. Not perfect, but certainly worthy of respect and attention. Perhaps you'll need to consider seeking out some new friends who actually care about you and a boyfriend that cares as much about you as he cares about his car , favorite sports team or his buddies.
All this is much easier for me to write than for you to accomplish, I know. I'm also several decades older than you but to get where I am now, I had to be 24 at one time. At 24, I was insecure, worried about my future and just assumed that I would never get married. Three years later I had a great career (that I worked hard to get) and was just married to a wonderful girl (we're still married) and very confident about my future.
To answer your questions; my AN (a biggie) didn't contribute to any weight gains or pessimistic thoughts (I was very anxious to get back to normal and I focused on that) but I did experience fatigue for some time, post op ( I underwent both surgery and radiation - FSR).
I think you'll be O.K. Sarah. Total healing takes time and you have to
choose to feel good about yourself. Others can be encouraging - or discouraging - but only
you get to decide how you see yourself and who you want to be. I think you're a very brave young woman who has gone through a lot for someone your age. I'm confident you'll get through this 'down' period and emerge stronger and more sure of yourself than ever before. At 24, you really do 'have your whole life ahead of you'. As with every life, there are 'speed bumps' and setbacks. No one gets a free ride. It may be a cliché but I really believe the setbacks can make us better and stronger - or bitter and discouraged. Another cliché is that 'it's not what happens to us in life but how we handle it'. On contemplation, I see that as quite truthful. I'm just offering a few suggestions for you to think about. What you do with them is up to you. They're free.
I wish you better days.
Jim
