Husband's surgery scheduled for August 4

[mandy721]

For the past few weeks, I have been in denial mode, but the darn AN isn't responding to my evil thoughts.  My husband surgery is schedule for Tuesday August 4 with Drs. Sisti and Storpor at the Columbia Medical Center.  Poor guy is a trooper and very stoic about it.  He has been busy with work and traveling and doesn't talk much about the surgery.  I am dreading this and realize how silly it is for me to feel this way when I am the support crew and not the one being operated on.  I keep thinking of all the things that can happen and how life can change without us even knowing, and yet know that he has an excellent medical team and that this procedure needs to be done.   

[sgerrard]

Well this is the place to find out what to expect. Number one, he will be coming home!

There are lots of people here who have been through it, and will happily share with you all the details. One way or another, though, you have lots of life ahead of you together. It is quite a burden on the supporting spouse; there are several topics under Caregivers that describe what it is like to be the support crew, too.

So chin up, fingers crossed, it may turn out great, and at least it will turn out well enough. And we will be right here with you.

Steve

[CHD63]

Miranda .....

So glad Ken has a surgery date.  Now you can focus on getting things ready that you want to have done before the surgery to make it easier for you and Ken afterwards.  It is OK for Ken not to want to talk about the surgery ...... each of us have our own ways of dealing with trauma and this may be his.

Although this is brain surgery, the success rate is very high ...... especially since Ken is going to a well-recognized medical center with an experienced neurosurgeon so he will be fine.  He will feel lousy the F3D (first three days) but this is usual with any major surgery.

Feel free to vent, ask questions, whatever ..... to us on this Forum.  You need to be at peace with all of this, as well.

Clarice

[wcrimi]

This is the right place to ask questions and to look for support.  Soon Ken will be a postie. 

[Helga]

Don't feel guilty! All you need to do is be there and let him know you'll be there when he wakes up. Many/most/?almost all men deal with highly emotional issues differently than woman, and in his "stoic" approach he can be just as scared and concerned as you. He is your husband and doesn't want to worry you more than you need to, he wants to protect you, what a guy! I felt worse for leaving my poor, sad looking husband standing at the door to the prep/OR room than for me. He was the one having to wait while I was out. But, great results and a two day discharge later, all is well. Keep positive, and denial works just fine for some people, you don't have to go through all stages, although I find acceptance made it a little easier for me, made me calmer. Thinking of you and sending you best wishes, 1 week out of surgery! Helga

[Jim Scott]

Mandy ~

Thanks for sharing your feelings here.  We can certainly relate.  As a husband who had AN surgery (and radiation), I know what it's like to have a supportive-but-worried wife who loves me and wants the best for me but is also scared of the unknown that lies ahead with this kind of serious surgery.  I never acted all that concerned but because I'm an inveterate talker, we did discuss it.... just not the 'what if's'.  My wife and I share a strong spiritual faith and we relied on that to see us through.  We (and many others) prayed for me and I trusted God to deliver me from any negative consequences of the surgery (and to guide the surgeon's hands) but also trusted Him to give me - and my wife - the strength to deal with anything negative that might happen.  I was blessed with an excellent surgeon and a good outcome (no complications).  My wife stayed in the hospital for 3 days, sleeping in the nurse's lounge (with our doctor's influence securing her permission to do so). I know she was gravely concerned but was ever-supportive.  Her presence and her positive attitude helped me - a lot.  I experienced a rapid recovery and was back to my old self within a few weeks, although in a sense, as with many AN patients, I'm still healing.

Your feelings of dread are perfectly understandable.  You're afraid of the unknown and that is a very human reaction that most of us experience.  You apparently realize that much of your angst is without much solid basis (but a lot of 'what-if''s') and you clearly don't wish to negatively affect your husband's attitude as he approaches this surgery.  This is a case where self-discipline is crucial.  You have a right to be worried but with the Big Day looming on the near horizon, you need to focus on the necessity for the operation, the competence of your husband's medical team and of course, resolve to sweep the 'what-if's' from your consciousness.  If problems arise during or as a result of the surgery, you're fretting over the possibility of these things happening now won't do a thing to prevent them, later.  If your husband has an uncomplicated, successful operation, your prior worrying will have been for nothing.  Either way, although worry about the unknown is not irrational, it is essentially useless - and something you should try to avoid as much as possible by focusing on your husband's potential recovery, which may take awhile and will be much helped by your understanding and involvement.     

You and your husband (Ken) will in the thoughts and prayers of many, especially on August 4th.  Try to stay strong and positive. 

I've added Ken's surgery to our 'AN Treatment Calendar' http://my.calendars.net/an_treatments/d04/08/2009?authenticate=&display=M&style=B

Jim

[moe]

Mandy,
Totally normal to feel freaked out by the surgery. Lots of times the caregivers have it harder.
The patient just falls asleep, wakes up, and has people wait on him/her for a couple of weeks!
The caregiver has to anguish about the surgery, the waiting, the "what will he/she  be like when it's over?" and then helping  us!
All the  surgical outcomes recently have been good, with just a couple bumps in the road for some. Just takes time to get back on track, but it will happen.
We're here to answer any questions/fears.

August 4th is just around the corner. Sometimes, just better do get 'r done. Stay busy and focused.
He is in good hands, keep the confidence for a positive surgery outcome.
It will be over before you know it.
Maureen

[Kathy M]

Mandy,

These next few weeks will be filled with questions, preparation, anxiety  -  as natural as all those things are, you also need to find your strength to be positive, strong, and ready to get on with your lives after August 4.  The fact that you are active here seeking answers and support tell me that you'll be ready for the big day and raring to go into postieland for a strong recovery. 

Hang in there, ask questions as they come to mind, and know that in just a few short weeks, you'll be past all the apprehension and focusing on getting back to business!  I think it's just terrific that you are by his side and doing all you can from your end - that love and support is so important, but also take time along the way for yourself, too.

Best of luck,

Kathy

[Rich56]

I am dreading this and realize how silly it is for me to feel this way when I am the support crew and not the one being operated on.  I keep thinking of all the things that can happen and how life can change without us even knowing, and yet know that he has an excellent medical team and that this procedure needs to be done.   

Mandy,

Sitting in your seat feeling helpless is a hard place to be.  Yes you are Ken's first line of support, but your are his wife and you wonder what lies ahead for the two of you.  You wish you could wave a magic wand and make this whole AN thing go away.  The unknown is a scary thing, you don't know what to do next.  Well, you have done the research, made the phone calls, and all the other things a spouse & caregiver can do.  Now all you can do is comfort each other and know that together you will deal with what ever is next.

There have been many success stories in this forum, and we are looking forward to you & Ken adding to that list.

Let the emotions flow, it's a natural part of the AN journey,

Rich & Scarlett

[MissMolly]

Hi Mandy,

I'm sorry you have to go through this with your husband.  It is scarey and one does feel helpless. 

I have the 'magic scarf' that's been passed around from surgery patient to surgery patient.  It's a leopard print scarf that, when worn by the patient, ensures a good recovery.  It worked well for me - Mid fossa June 22nd of this year and my surgery and recovery have been event free.  I feel better every day and continue to expect more improvement.  I'm driving again.. retained hearing in the affected ear... and have regained movement in my face.  So... I'm a great believer in the magic scarf. 

If, however, you don't believe in 'magic', the scarf is also a great reminder of how many people in this forum have been where you and your husband are right now.  It's like wearing a big hug from all of us. 

Let me know if you would like it.

Miss Molly

[mandy721]

I do believe in magic and think the scarf would be wonderful. 

Reading through your replies almost brought me to tears.  The Forum makes me feel like part of a very wise and caring group and provides a bit of anchoring for this journey we are on.  Our family just returned from a visit to my husband's parents who live out of state.  They have a host of health issues of their own and we decided not to tell them anything about the AN.  I think this is the right decision, but I am a talker and find it is good for me to share.   To top it off, our return flight last night was delayed by bad weather  and we arrived home very early in the morning.  This is a hectic week all around and I still can't believe that Aug 4 is one week and one day away.

Mandy

[MissMolly]

Hey Mandy,
Message me your address and I'll send along the scarf asap so you have it before surgery.  It really is magic.  :-)  Can't wait for you to have it.  The only promise you have to make is to send it to the next surgery patient. 

Make sure you keep in touch with people here on the discussion board while your husband is going through surgery and recovery.  Many of us have been through it and are very concerned and caring in regards to others who go through the same thing.  It isn't fun, but rest assured, you do get through and very soon it will be behind you. 

Hope you and your husband are well.  Please keep in touch. 

Miss Molly

[mandy721]

We spent about 4 hours at the med center for the pre-admissions stuff.  We were told that the hospital stay might be only 4 days, including day of surgery.  Doesn't seem long enough, but then again, staying in the hospital isn't    so  good either.  Secretly, both of us hoped there would be some issue that might require postponement of the surgery.  Everybody says get it over with, but I want to keep my world the way it is and have lots of uncertainty about what comes next.  Ken feels the same way.  No problems surfaced so we are on for this coming Tuesday.

 We walked through the Neuro ICU and that was scary.  A quick glance into the rooms and seeing the patients hooked up to so many monitors and meds was very sobering.  We also took a  look at the private "hotel"like hospital rooms that might be a possibility for after the ICU stay.    This is a separate wing  that at first we thought would be ridiculous to consider, but know are giving some thought.  Not sure what type of floor patients are moved to after ICU.  If moved to a neuro floor, that offers the specialized staff.  Still have a couple of questions for chat with doctor on Monday.

[MissMolly]

Hi Mandy,
You should have received the magic scarf by now!!

As for 4 days not seeming long enough... I couldn't WAIT to get home after 4 days, but had to stay for 5 because of minor complications (I hadn't shown that I could walk up stairs and I hadn't pooped  ).  Rest is the most important remedy after surgery and you do get quite a bit more at home than you do in hospital.  There's nothin' like your own bed!!

Good luck and I'll be thinking of you on the 4th!!

Molly

[Rich56]

Hi Mandy,

Unfortunately you and Ken can not stop time.  Just know that we're all there with the two of you.

MissMolly reminded me of something I mistakenly left out of the PM to you, Senokot-S   Make sure you have some of that at the house for when Ken comes home, and do not wait until he has a constipation problem, have him start taking it right away.  Remember to follow the directions on the box, and that of the Doctors.

Keeping the two of you in our thoughts and prayers as Tuesday approaches,

Rich & Scarlett

P.S. Thanks MissMolly Seriously though, we hope your recovery is improving everyday, and hope to see you in October.