Rude People Rant

[Jim Scott]

Sandy:

I liked your response to the rude clerk.  "If you'll overlook my deafness I'll overlook your stupidity."   Good one. 

Is it me or is rudeness a job requirement for counter clerks these days?  Fortunately, I can usually hear them and when I can't and have to ask them to repeat and state that I'm 'hard of hearing', no one has been a jerk about it...yet.  I'm saving up witty replies like yours for when that happens, which I assume is inevitable, human nature and the moronic attitudes of some people who deal with the public being what it is.   

Jim
 

[Kaybo]

Obviously I differ from most on this post...I can realize that I did have it pretty bad...I don't live in rose-colored glasses...but I CHOOSE to make the most of every situation.  Instead of always thinking how bad it is or how someone "wronged" me, I try to put myself in their shoes (or knubs, in the case of the poor woman who now has no legs).  Have I had some HORRIBLE things said to me?  YEAH!  But that is not how I am going to live my life. What kind of example is that to others and especially to my kids -- do I want them growing up hearing about how horrible everybody treats me or focusing on the ways we can help others??  This discussion has really made me realize that I need to do an even better job at trying to help others!
K
PS - I also think that "minor inconveniences" are just like everything else in life -- there are 2 ways to view them...

[lori67]

Debbi -

if you enter ASL into your search engine, there are options on there for the American Sign Language Dictionary.  "I am deaf" is an easy one to sign.  Of course, since most people don't know how to sign, you could probably just wave your hands around and they wouldn't know any different.  I am taking a sign language class now and my family is learning it from me, so it's been fun being able to talk to each other out in public without anyone understanding!  he he...and no, of course we don't make fun of people....     While you're on there, learn how to sign "You're ignorant".   Another easy one! 

Lori

[4cm in Pacific Northwest]

My 9 year old just showed me how to sign "I am deaf" ... I am going to practice that too... Good suggestion

4

[Soundy]

Kaybo...

My feelings are like yours... I am alot better off than her as I can get around ... I
will take the hearing loss over legs anyday...

I was polite to her and got down what she needed and listened to her...

But I was still furious at being struck... a tug at my jacket or a tap with the cane on the
shoulder would have got my attention....

I have been thinking about the details she told me about her loss of her legs through her not
taking care of her diabetes and have pretty much decided that the person that she is most angry
at is herself... and may at times in frustration strike out at others like she did me... hopefully
she doesn't hit someone someday that picks up the cane and beats her over the head with it
instead of handing it back to her...

I have seen her at a distance before ...haven't ignored her just never had a reason to
talk to her
next time I see her I am going to make a point of going
over to her and just saying hi... see what happens... from her comments I don't
think she has many people that just talk to her ... I do know she has no way except the County Van to
get around to take care of her needs... anger and lonesomeness may be eating her...

Have a friend when I told her my idea of just saying hi or something tell me I was nuts...

I am kinda rambling... it has been a long kinda rough two weeks and the cane thing topple me
somehow... not sure what I am wanting to say... just that I am gonna be bigger than my lack of hearing
and people who are not understanding ...I have kinda hid in the house all week just because I
was mad and frustrated and I guess licking wounds... I am not going to become a prisoner in my
house

this still isn't typing out like what I am thinking ... I will leave you all to figure out what I
mean... 

got kids to feed so they can go to the skating rink and I am going to a movie with a friend...
rinky dink theater in our little college's old lecture hall is showing Horton Hear A Who...due to local
flooding we decided not to drive somewhere to see a grownup movie... we are gonna be kids tonight... 

[lori67]

Well, it will probably make you feel better and like the bigger person if you do say hi to her next time.  Just make sure you stay out of striking distance!

Just for the record though, I still think she was way out of line and even if she's angry with herself because of her situation, she had no right to direct her anger towards you - or anyone else.  What would this world be like if we all took our anger out on everyone that crossed our path?  Geez, not pretty.  Let's hope she at least felt bad afterwards and maybe it taught her that she's not the only one in the world who has things rough.

Enjoy Horton Hears a Who.  I saw it.  It's cute.  And it's okay to be a kid - as a matter of fact, I can't remember the last movie I saw that didn't have cartoon characters or Muppets in it.  I need to get out more..   

Lori

[Debbi]

HI again Soundy-

here's something else to think about ... you were the recipient of a violent act.  This is something that, in our part of the world, we are singularly unprepared to deal with.  It is not at all surprising that it has been on your mind so much - this was probably the first time anyone has ever physically attacked you with no warning.  Make sure you honor your feelings around this.  In many ways, you may be feeling some of the same symptoms as someone experiencing post traumatic stress.  I can say that I, and probalby many people here, would be pretty freaked out if they were attacked the way you were.  so, take whatever time you need to process, vent, talk it out. 

I know, this is pretty serious post for me...  I have two people in my life right now who are dealing with PTS and i am extremely aware of how tough it can be.  One just returned from a tour in Iraq (not the kind with a tour guide) and other was attacked on a street in Hong Kong last year.  It is hard to understand these things, so take your time.  And talk to us all you want...

Debbi (hanging in NYC today...)

[Soundy]

I have been talking to myself... and answering myself too ...scary huh?

Anyway... what gets to me is my anger and how I seriously thought of hitting her back... I
am not a violent person and slow to anger but this was an instant almost overwhelming anger
that even though I am pretty much past the anger the whole thing is stuck in my head ...
try not to dwell but it won't go away...

Hadn't thought about it as PTS... keep thinking how I should have done things different and
keep coming back to I think I handled it right but still think about it every other thought

My younger sister told me I should have reported her ... she said I don't have to be nice to everyone
and that I should rock boats more often... but I grew up as a third adult in the house and the family
peace keeper and it is so ingrained that I probably don't stick up for myself as I should... now with my kids
it is another thing... if someone had attacked them I would probably attacked back and not thought much of it
but for myself I take stuff...

But the anger and feelings of doing physical harm to someone is kinda haunting me ... have had weird
dreams last few nights...

have been tossed off a balcony by someone and saw myself fall and made a sound like a water balloon
bursting when I hit the ground...lay there smiling at myself...

ran over myself with my truck and as I lay on ground was thinking that my husband was going to be mad
because the bumper was dented...he never said a word when I did $2000 worth of damage hitting a deer
other than asking if I was OK

another dream I was in the house I shared with ex husband and was watching him out the cracks
between curtains..
watching him putter around with a car motor ... he starts toward house with a tire iron in his hand
and I wake up... he was abusive but never used anything other than his hands...

I think I need to pay a visit to my doctor and tell him I am losing my marbles... I am losing sleep and
grouchy with the girls ... can't keep on like this ...

Thanks for letting me ramble... people I can reach out an touch are mostly thinking I should have reported
her which maybe I should have or say just forget about it ...

Don't know why this has bugged me so much...or I do and just haven't told myself... I think the knowledge
that I am more capable of violence than I thought I was ...

Confirmed Redneck friend of ours told me to go paint balling with him and some of his group of
paint ball warriors... might be therapeutic and fun...

Thanks again for just being here... seeing this is not really an AN problem ... except brought on in
a round about way by the AN

[Cheryl R]

I am thinking now that maybe you need to talk to the store as you may not be the first person she has done this to.    She is probably a regular customer and they may know who she is.     
I think everyone has an occ time under certain conditions that they find themselves reacting angrily and the first thought is to retaliate with violence.   But the fact we do not on second thought is the important one.
I have  very weird and bizarre dreams and wake up just when something scary possibly could happen.  I have mentioned it to my dr a couple times.    All I got was if I wanted a sleep study.   I wake up every couple hours most nights.                   I have wondered if my BP med could be part of the cause.
                                        Cheryl R

[ppearl214]

In the  presence of rude folks, I like to "kill 'em with kindness".... with a big old grin to my face... shuts them right up.... works for me.

Phyl

[Kate B]

In the  presence of rude folks, I like to "kill 'em with kindness".... with a big old grin to my face... shuts them right up.... works for me.

Phyl

My grandma always said you get further in life with honey than vinegar. 

[lori67]

Soundy,

I don't think you need to be too worried about yourself turning violent.  You obviously are a caring, compassionate person and just because you might think about how you could have gotten even with that person, I don't think you'd ever act on it.  Sometimes I think it just makes us feel better to know that we could have done something if we wanted to - the important thing to remember is that you were the bigger person and didn't need to.  Besides, you wouldn't want your kids walking around telling their friends that Mom decked some handicapped woman in Walmart.

Who knows, maybe both of you were just having a bad day that day.  She chose to take it out on you, because you happened to be there at the time.  Lucky you.  I'm sure she would have done the same to anyone else she had encountered that day.  I'm sure she didn't single you out to pick on that day, so I wouldn't take it too personally.  And you can be happy that even if you were having a bad day too, you didn't chose to stoop to her level of dealing with it.

I  think maybe a chat with your doctor would be a good idea.  I know when I was losing sleep and snapping at my family for little things, he started me on some Effexor and it has worked wonders.  I haven't had any side effects at all and I feel like it really helps me keep things in perspective.  Just this morning, my 5 year old spilled cinnamon all over the kitchen floor I had just mopped.  A year ago, I would have snapped at her and she would have wound up with her feelings hurt and I would have felt bad and mad at myself.  Today we just cleaned it up together and decided that maybe next time I should put the cinnamon on her toast.

And if that doesn't work - I think that paintball thing might be a good idea!  

The sun is finally shining in my part of TN - hope it is in yours too!
Lori

[Kaybo]

Soundy~
Hi!  I have been wanting to write you the last couple of days but have just been too wiped out!  I LOVE being home and back with my girlies, but I am also trying to go to some of their games and stuff and am REALLY tired in between!!

I, in no way, think that what she did was right...no one should ever "attack" someone else.  I agree with you in that she is probably more upset with herself for allowing herself to get in that condition.  However, just like us, she is going to have to let go of the "what if's' and "should have's" and make the most of the life she has now.  I am SO EXCITED that you might see her again and will be able to speak to her.  I bet that one interaction will make all the difference in the world to her...I would be willing to guess that she is not having people stand in line to talk to her.  Maybe see if you can get her address too so that you can send her little notes.  I can't imagine what I would be like if I could only get out once a week and ONLY on someone else's agenda.  I agree with Phyl in the "kill with kindness" thing.

I know that this has been traumatic for you...hopefully we can all learn something from it.  Do talk to your Dr. about it...like Lori said, maybe you can get something to just round out the sharp edges for you!

Good luck!
K

[Soundy]

Well I saw my PCP today and he says I ain't nuts...  ... that was nice to be told

After explaining everything from incident to dreams he says that I am too tired and
run down... and since this woman is the only one ever to attack me aside from my ex
that it just brought to the surface old feelings of fear of being physically assaulted ...that
maybe my subconscious thought Oh no here we go again ... as if thinking maybe it would be
a new round of ongoing abuse...

I don't think that people are going to start hitting me... at least consciously I don't... but
who knows what the subconscious is thinking... alot of what he said made sense... it opened old
wounds... the ex never did find fault with hitting me til I packed and left and he went into
counseling to get past abuse he had suffered as a child and was passing on to me ... to late to save
us but he is a different person ... but the memories are there shut away and never really dealt with...
my doctor already knew about all this and I think he hit the nail on the head

put me on low dose of Prozac and will see what happens over next week or so... he said it would
take a while to get in system ... and said if not improving in two weeks to come back in and not
let this eat me up... me and the ex are on civil speaking terms ... we have kids and grandkids to
get along for... doctor suggested meeting and talking to him and clearing the air... let him know
how his actions made me feel and are still affecting me ... something I never did and 
he didn't really comprehend the emotional toll it took on me even after a bruise fade...not
sure that I want to go there... we'll see how next week or two go first

Doctor also said speaking to the woman would be healing ... don't mention the attack just say hi ...
how are you doing stuff like that

and he said to also think of it as an attack and stop calling it the incident or the problem...said it
was an attack and to admit it ... and say it ... and not feel weak by being attacked...

he said he thought I handled it as a strong person... that a weaker person would have picked up the
cane and hit her back ... he said that I probably should have called authorities ... but hind sight is 20/20 and
I was blind by shock at the time and didn't and at this point won't...

I think I knew everything he told me but hadn't put it together in a logical order...

So officially I am not crazy and actually feel better hearing it from him and people here...maybe
I will get some rest soon and things will straighten back out to just a bit off kilter instead of the
spiral I have been in

onward and up ...

thanks for being here and suggestions

[leapyrtwins]

Soundy -

it sounds like you have one hell of a PCP - and he verified what all of us know - you are definitely not nuts.

A lot of what he said makes perfect sense to me and I'm glad to hear that he is so supportive.

Hang in there, things WILL get better,

Jan