Give Yourself Time
Meagan Doumont

2016 was supposed to be my year. I graduated nursing school, got hired in the neonatal intensive care unit and was one of the lucky ones who was actually paid to do specialty training. Everything was falling into place! Or so I thought. 

After ongoing investigation of single side hearing loss, balance issues, severe headaches, exhaustion and facial numbness, I finally had to face what my body was trying to tell me —- which was that I had a large brain tumor growing in the base of my skull. At 30 years old, and what was supposed to be the peak of my life, I was told news that would ultimately change my life forever. 

At first I thought it was a mistake. I remember thinking the doctor would call me to tell me he showed me the wrong person's scan. I even thought to myself, “I forgive him. This mistake could happen to anyone.” But soon after I was sitting in a neurosurgeon's office being told that in the coming weeks I would be having brain surgery, would be losing half of my hearing, my balance and potentially, my greatest fear, my smile. 

With a 3.2X2.8cm mass, I had no choice but to have surgery. With being otherwise healthy, never a concern in my life, I was terrified. Not to mention, I was used to caring for others, not the other way around. It was extremely overwhelming. 

On Valentine’s Day of 2017, I had a 10 hour surgery that successfully removed my entire tumor. I ended up with complete deafness to my left ear with ever present tinnitus and I lost my balance, which I have since regained. I gained sensation back to my face and I was happy to have kept my smile, which I seem to be doing a lot of these days. 

Although this experience was extremely challenging to cope with at the time, I reflect on this journey and honour all that it taught me. I am sharing my story to provide hope to those who are going through something similar, or to those who are having a hard time moving forward after this trauma. 

I think the most important thing I’ve learned is to have self compassion. To give yourself the same love and support as you would a friend who is going through a hard time. Take time to do things you enjoy, to rest and rejuvenate, to honour your feelings and cope with them in a healthy way. Personally, I started meditating and journaling two weeks after my surgery and I continue to do this every day. I have been able to become more present in my day to day life - journaling 10 things I’m grateful for each morning - small things as simple as the comfort of my bed or the smell of my coffee. This experience also gave me the opportunity to re-visit my values and to truly understand what’s important in life. 

And to me, that is health and wellness, work/life balance, personal growth and connection to a higher power of my own understanding. Yours may not be the same, but I do invite you to take this opportunity to see what aspects of your life are most important, and how this challenge is helping you to see things differently. 

After many, many hours with a counselor, group therapy, finding healthy ways to cope and truly facing the trauma that interrupted my beautiful life, I am able to come out on the other side and see that it came not to harm me, but to help me live an even more fulfilling life. 

I have focused on aspects of my health that I can control and have lost 57 lbs, transforming my entire body. I am back to nursing now, working with premature infants in the NICU. My hearing loss made me terrified that I would miss a heart murmur or a crackle in a neonates chest. But, I’ve learned that I can lean on others for support, and what I lack in my hearing, I make up for in compassion. And in many ways, losing my hearing has helped me become a better listener, more focused and more understanding to one's struggle, whatever that may be. 

Losing my balance has helped me live a more balanced life. And losing my hearing has helped me listen to the voice within. This may not be your season for hustling and grinding, but it is your reason to rest, restore, connect with yourself and others, and to find the beauty in the pain that you are experiencing. 

Give yourself time.