Dear Keri et al,
It's taken me awhile to post because your reality struck so close to home. The wonderful folks on this board gave you good advice. In particular, DBSA (Depression and Bipolar Support Association) is an excellent online source. They even have online support groups that meet at certain times.
Odd for me to not respond earlier because depression is the big cause in my life. One aim is to help destignmatize it. The other is to help folks understand it better. Overcoming depression is and will always be the biggest accomplishment of my life. I have researched it (both subjectively and objectively) for many years -- perhaps I can shed some more light. The primary thing is that it is important to catch it early so that it doesn't become ingrained in the brain. That's what you're doing, which makes me happy! When I was a teenager in the '60's, there really wasn't any way to 'catch it early," even though my parents were social workers and about as progressive as possible.
It seems like you, Keri, have come to understand it better. Depression is not necessarily 'sadness'; it's BOREDOM, not being interested in anything, hopelessness, and "busy mind," thoughts of the hopelessness going over and over and over in your mind.
The way I see it, there are three components: chemical, life-experience, and cognitive. The basis of it all is in the chemical -- you have to go through the TORTUOUS process of finding the right meds. I've always resentfully thought that it's the cruelest joke that it takes weeks for the anti-depressive effect of meds to take (or not) effect. (The side effects manifest immediately.) But one must find the right ones. The analogy I give is that, if you lost a leg, you couldn't learn to walk again until you had a prosthesis.
And - a particular bugaboo of mine is this widespread thought that teenagers shouldn't be given anti-depressants --- WRONG. I can't thank you enough for LEARNING ENOUGH to know that your daughter needs the meds. Not only for her current emotional state, but also because of that third aspect - the cognitive. The sooner your daughter's brain quits repeating the depressing stuff to itself, the better. The brain gets into the habit of repeating bad stuff to itself, and this perpetuates depression into a decades-long problem.
So - #1 work at getting the meds right. One note - sometimes the original brand (eg Lexapro) works for a person when the generic brand (eg Celexa) doesn't.
#2 - life experience and counseling. If the meds are helping the brain chemicals, then it's POSSIBLE to deal with the life experiences both in the past and coping in the present. As everyone has said, it must be incredibly difficult to be a teenager these days; it's good to have an adult you trust -- and good I think to have an adult to trust that's not a parent, in ADDITION to wonderful parents - to help you think your actions through.
3 - cognitive therapy. I've not done too much of it (and I should!) but cognitive therapy is different than what I'd call "talk therapy' - #2 above. Cognitive therapy helps you break those brain thought patterns that feed depression. I know that in some cities, some health care providers, there are separate Cognitive Therapy classes/groups. Usually have a short time frame, maybe once a week for 6 weeks, where you learn different techniques for breaking the brain's habits. It gives you tools for life.
So, what are other everyday things to do?
Perhaps your daughter would be open to learning about depression. The more one knows, the more objective one's illness becomes. My favorite book is Shadow Syndromes by John Ratey.
Cultivate hobbies that distract the brain. Like you said, bake those cookies! My lifelong thing is doing picture/logic puzzles. I like both color/art and arithmetic, so it works for me. I do them everyday before going to sleep*.
www.conceptispuzzles.com. Obviously, the list of possible detail-oriented hobbies is endless. I like the cookies idea because it includes giving them away, connecting with other people.
*Which reminds me - if she's a "sleeper" (that is, likes to sleep), be grateful. A common symptom of depression is insomnia, that is, the brain going over and over and over the hopelessness. Doesn't do ANY good. I've always been grateful that I'm a "sleeper" - escape whenever possible!!
Obviously, staying involved with people -- getting out there. I'm so glad to hear that she has supportive friends and know that she has an understanding and proactive family.
Just please know that being depressed is hell. What can I say? Everything that everyone said could all be causal components - a special needs sibling, teenage hormones, etc etc. It's a fine line between giving her room and giving her structure. I guess I'd say, try to give her structure that matches her personality, and let her take freedoms that are less harmful vs more harmful. One little secret about cutting - it makes the pain very local, and distracts one from the much larger pain of depression.
Needless to say, you have all my best wishes. If you ever want to talk, here or offline, I'm here.
I do want to add that, although it's sometimes a daily struggle, I HAVE overcome depression. I have a good life, a good relationship, a job I love, good friends.
Love,
Dana
